We kicked U.S. butt in 1812, but Canuck politeness is letting our southerly neighbours write that victory out of history

Our politeness, as a nation, has turned victory into a stalemate and an heroic butt-kicking into a gentle handshake.

The Americans? Not only did they glean their Star Spangled Banner anthem out of their failure to conquer Canada in 1812, they've gradually distorted history to make their northern neighbour the loser.

The winners write the history books, unless of course you've had your military posterior handed to you by Canada -- in which case, feel free to annotate, alter and twist the facts anyway you see fit.

We won't stop you.

Canadians may be formidable on the battlefield, but we're field mice when it comes to celebrating battle.

But sound the bugle -- just in time for Remembrance Day, the author/artist who gave us McJobs and Generation X has returned to Canada something we've lacked for 196 years: Pride.

Working with Calgary's Heavy Industries -- they're the artists best known for ultra-realistic dinosaur models -- Vancouver's Douglas Coupland has unveiled the most striking visual tribute to Canada's win since the

White House was set ablaze in 1814.

Situated in Toronto, kitty-corner from historic Fort York, Coupland's sculpture consists of two giant toy soldiers in 1812 uniforms.

One, a gold soldier representing Canadian troops, stands proudly; the other, a silver American, lies on the ground in defeat.

"There's a strain of revisionism going on with this war, and I don't think it's coming from Canada or Britain, and don't think it's someone else out there, like the Norwegians, who are busy rewriting this history," Coupland told the Sun yesterday.

"I have a hunch most of it is coming from the south."

Coupland said he's not keen to argue the minutiae of every battle and blockade with those who trumpet an American victory -- his aim is at those on the north side of the border, who are passively letting history be rewritten.

"It's just 'remember to remember'; remember what happened," said Coupland.

What really happened should be counted as a resounding victory, with outnumbered militia from Upper and Lower Canada fighting alongside Native and British troops to completely rout an American invasion.

If a victory is counted by attaining your war's objective, then the Americans lost, pure and simple.

The Yanks started the fight, angry over British meddling in maritime trade.

The thought in Washington was, conquer Canada and the British will have to stop blocking our ships.

The invasion was a dismal failure, and throughout 1812 and 1813, the Americans were repulsed, both by British troops and by militia in French and English Canada.

It was a remarkable loss for the Americans, being that the English were fighting in Europe against Napoleon and couldn't spare crack troops -- the best army the U.S. could muster was beaten back by a second-rate Canadian force.

And then, in 1814, the tide really turned: Napoleon's defeat in Europe meant veteran soldiers could join the fray, and join they did, driving the Americans back, and forcing their president to flee.

In an act of revenge for looting and fires set in York during an 1812 battle, the Canadian side torched the White House and numerous other government buildings.

With 10,000 British troops on the doorstep of New York, peace negotiations were underway when Canada's side suffered its first serious defeat at New Orleans, where a much smaller American force held off a British invasion.

It's that single victory at New Orleans that American revisionists cling to as the reason the U.S. "won" the 1812 conflict, failing to remember that one battle doesn't make the war.

The war Canada really did lose, at least until today, is the public relations fight.

The Americans sing Star Spangled Banner; Canadians learn about the beaver trade in social studies class.

Instead of basing an anthem on the butt-kicking we gave our southern neighbours, or at least declaring a holiday of national gloating, we sit by and allow the Americans to declare victory, two centuries too late.

That's what Canada gets for being too polite.