21 People Who Tried To Lie Online But Convinced Absolutely No One

Look, it's the year 2024. If you're going to try to tell a lie — especially online — you gotta do it with a little skill, because people are pretty darn savvy these days.

Distraught woman saying "You have to believe me"

But some folks, it seems, didn't get the memo. In fact, some folks are out there telling lies SOOOO far away from anything that might be believable, it's kind of impressive. Here are 21 that left my jaw open at their audacity:

1.This person casually "proving" the flat-Earth theory:

Person claims to have had a conversation with a pilot who confirmed that they just flew straight, "no nose-dipping at all" to allow for the curvature of the Earth
u/UzumakiGreatnesss / Via

2.This person who is either lying or living in an IRL fairy tale:

Person says they had a seizure outdoors and a raccoon ran over and started whimpering and nudging them until they sat up
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3.And this mom's "date with a rich guy" claim that has a .000000000001% probability of being true:

Woman brought her 6-year-old daughter on a date with a rich guy; the kid told him he needs to buy the finest steak and bottle of their best wine and pay for them to get home, and he did, toasting his "future wifey and stepdaughter"
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4.This gun lover's heartwarming story is, uh, full of holes:

Man who says he "open carries" every day was approached in a grocery store by an elderly woman who thanked him for open carrying and she feels "so much safer," so he abandoned his cart for hers so he could escort her and it made his day
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5.This tough guy TOTALLY did that:

Man approaches guy who randomly slapped a girl's ass and says "you sexually assaulted her," tells him to apologize, which the assailant does, and the woman calls him her guardian angel; guy says he was "prepared to go to jail"
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6.And this dad wants us to believe his daughter is wise beyond her (checks notes) two years:

Guy walking with his 2-year-old daughter quietly tears up after she says "God is good, God is real" and then she says "Don't cry, it's okay"
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Will Ferrell saying "I don't believe you"

7.This dad wants us to believe his 5-year-old daughter is basically a doctor:

5-year-old asks Dad if he saw his new patient yesterday, Dad says yes, he had a stroke and only pronounces some syllables, and daughter says "So at least we know it's not Wernicke's aphasia," and Dad says "Kids are sponges"
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8.This dad wants us to believe his kids are financial whizzes:

He asks kids, "Would you rather have cash or stock in a great company? And they says, "Why would I choose cash when it's losing value? Obviously stock in a great company is better"
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9.And this mom's story about taking her son to a Taylor Swift concert seems off somehow...I can't put my finger on it, LOL:

She claims her son went up to Taylor to kiss her and she slapped him and pushed him to the ground, so her son ran off crying and she "yelled at that demon" and found out she's also in a cult
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10.This guy's creepy bragging story also feels very, very unlikely (nurses giving a thumbs-up and flirting? In front of the wife?):

Guy who's 6 feet and sent his wife to the hospital because he went "too deep" and popped her ovarian cyst says the nurses were giving him a thumbs-up and flirting after they read the chart
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11.The over-the-top symbolism in this story got a big ol' pfft from me:

Their cousin "tried to stay married because of her twins" but couldn't; the day she got divorced, their school called to ask if something had happened at home because for the first time, they painted in color instead of black and gray
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12.And this claim includes a violent atheist, another wise-beyond-their-years kid, and a literal miracle...something for everyone!

"An old man started preaching on a train when he was attached by an atheist woman; her son said, 'Mommy, stop, he was sent by God'; the woman started to weep and said, 'My son was mute and now he's talking"
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Woman giving the side-eye

13.This person's self-congratulatory story makes me wonder why the shop assistant asked who was next when there was a line:

Person was first in line in a store, with two Indigenous people behind them; when asked, "OK, who's first?" This person said "They are of course, they've been here for more than 60,000 years," and the two Indigenous people smiled and thanked them
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14.Does this person realize how many rides an Uber driver gives in eight months? Not to mention that the driver would have contacted Uber support to get the phone back to them:

They lost their phone over 8 months ago; today they booked an Uber and the driver says "I have something for you" and hands them their lost phone; he said he held on to it in case he picked the person up again
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15.And this one...this one's taking place in another universe:

Employee says his KFC killed fresh chickens on site, so they videoed it, then played it on a projector, and the customers got mad, employee let the chickens free, customers cheered, police arrested the manager, and now employee is the manager
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16.This person's "Gotcha!" story has some seriously unrealistic dialogue (not to mention a dog in a bar):

Person who loves animals "as a concept" but has no connection to them asks guy who brought his dog into a bar whether he's vegan, and when the guy says no and buries his face in his hands, he says, "Best vegan gotcha I've ever had"
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17.If you gotta say "I'm not even lying," well...:

Their dad's friend overslept for a flight, so he shoved all the clothes on his bed into his suitcase, but when he got to the airport, he found out he'd packed his cat — "I'm not even lying"
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18.And this person claims to have been on a tour that let them swim down and see the Titanic wreckage:

They say tour guide let them swim down to the wreckage; "it was a bit cold but quite nice to see," but they were bored and swam back up after 10 minutes
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Woman with her head back in disbelief

19.This pastor told a story about the Titanic that raises a question: How could he know that if they were trapped in a sinking boat?

Their pastor said how on the night the Titanic sank, the captain asked other men trapped in the control room, "Who among us does not know Christ?" And then explained eternal life to them, and they all prayed together as the boat sank
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20.Something tells me this girlfriend's story isn't QUITE how things went down:

Her boyfriend was mad at her for going through his phone while he was asleep, but instead of arguing, he just bought her Chipotle, snacks, and a card saying "I'm sorry for not making you feel safe and secure, but there's nobody else but you"
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21.And lastly, this "fighting a speeding ticket in court" story is totally unbelievable from the start to the very end:

Person fights ticket in court, says he has phone records proving the cop was on the phone with his girlfriend so can't know if he was doing 85; his wife in the audience starts crying, jury says not guilty, cop gets divorced, guy hooks up with hot ex-wife
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H/T: r/thatHappened.