27 Tweets By Women That Are So Hilarious They Might Help You Survive Election Week
Halloween has come and gone, and we're officially entering Hell Week (aka election week 2024). And if you're currently doing Just Fine™ right about now, I would LOVE to know what drugs you're on.
My doctor just called to ask why I answered "yes" to the "have you felt nervous, anxious, or on edge in the last 30 days?" question on my prescription refill questionnaire
— abby (@abby4thepeople) October 30, 2024
Either way, please enjoy the funniest tweets by women this week:
1.
yeah I may be single but at least I don’t have to say “my vote is cancelling out my boyfriends vote”
— Samantha Bush (@stillonzoloft) October 29, 2024
2.
Confession: when I was a kid playing Oregon Trail sometimes I'd kill three, four buffalo at a time even though I knew there was no way I could carry it all back to my wagon. I just did it for the thrill.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) October 30, 2024
3.
and you used to have to wear a jacket over your halloween costume because it used to be cold in october pic.twitter.com/RVvaP0alsA
— party mom (@fifimcfae) October 31, 2024
Twitter: @fifimcfae / Fox
4.
nicole kidman being in a film called babygirl is actually perfect cause it's like another version of her last name
— alice doesn't have bangs (@cinemamilf) October 30, 2024
5.
I can usually tell how people feel about me by totally making it up in my head.
— Cali (@calidaysay) October 30, 2024
6.
Antidepressant ads r soo funny to me bc they always dress the woman in baggy sweats no makeup & a messy bun to make her appear unwell but that’s literally what I wear when I’m the most relaxed, unburdened, and at ease version of myself just chilling at home
— Keara Sullivan (@superkeara) October 30, 2024
7.
not to be evil but I do enjoy watching men crashout when their girlfriend/wife leaves them
— courtney (@lisdexamfetam) October 29, 2024
8.
i delete tweets because some things are limited edition thoughts. if u see it u see it. consider yourself blessed
— Bolu Babalola is genuinely on leave 🍯&🌶 (@BeeBabs) October 4, 2019
9.
ok for real I could never get back into dating “what are your hobbies?” well Todd, I enjoy spending 20 min deciding what to watch on Netflix only to ignore the show entirely while I scroll through my phone, also I’m really into talking about how tired I am
— Dinah (@dinahaddie) October 31, 2024
10.
“soooo little update I’m kinda seeing someone..” — me to my psychiatrist about the tall shadowy figure in a bowler hat in the corner of my room
— caitie delaney (@caitiedelaney) October 30, 2024
11.
hey im omw over do u have garlic ? Can you throw it out. Also how bright is your place
— b (@rosenstein_) October 31, 2024
12.
ruins my mood when i say “girl” to a guy and he says “i’m not a girl” like damn babygirl relax
— ً (@sonoreid) October 31, 2024
13.
me changing the things i cannot accept: haha Fuck yeah! Yessssssme accepting the things i cannot change: Well this fucking sucks. What the fuck
— eliza (@elizamclamb) October 30, 2024
14.
imagine you wake up every day in room-sized bed. you are gently lifted from the covers and dressed in warmest sweaters each morning. your favourite foods are brought to you. you have no bills, no job, no responsibilities. but you are a chihuahua, so you are blind with rage.
— Janel Comeau (@VeryBadLlama) October 27, 2024
15.
kids are so funny. i complimented a little girl who lives in my building on the princess costume she was wearing & her sister immediately goes “i’m eating an apple” and i had to be like “omg yum!”
— chase (@_chase_____) October 27, 2024
16.
going on ozempic, not to lose weight, but because the inevitable class action lawsuit is gonna pay out like crazy
— tabitha (@thetolerantweft) October 30, 2024
17.
the body-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody of christ compels you
— erika (@yeeeerika) October 29, 2024
18.
Online shopping picture description: “Model is 5’10”wearing a size 2.” perfect thanks super helpful.
— Mary (@AnniemuMary) October 30, 2024
19.
i need to sit by the ocean and disassociate for like three days
— ♱ (@iceihy) October 23, 2024
20.
born to love deeply and read love letters, forced to respond to a guy named Sean on a dating app
— daisy “dan goose” tackett (@fatstevebuscemi) October 23, 2024
21.
I don't think I will ever be able to trust again but I have to be at work in 3 hours so I can't worry about it right now
— mariana (@pastapilled) October 23, 2024
22.
How your email finds me: pic.twitter.com/tuQiwXPuhV
— Hannah Al-Othman (@HannahAlOthman) October 24, 2024
23.
Bitches really think yapping over drinks with their friends will fix everything (it will) (I’m bitches)
— fifi (@gsgetlonelytoo) October 30, 2024
24.
having guy friends is crazy bc i was crying and they told me “lock in” and i did
— 𝔟𝔯𝔦 ☆ (@ufobri) October 23, 2024
25.
I can hear people outside laughing and having fun. How fucking dare they
— plzhelpme (@RiscoKerm) October 31, 2024
26.
why does asking people to hang out on your birthday feel like pic.twitter.com/8OTry1Xonb
— Niccole Thurman (@niccolethurman) October 23, 2024
Twitter: @niccolethurman /Disney
27.
just heard a small child say "twick or tweat" and almost started crying
— Kylie Cheung (@kylietcheung) October 31, 2024
