Andrew Garfield is letting go of the pressure to have kids before 40: ‘It’s more about accepting a different path’

LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA - NOVEMBER 05: Andrew Garfield, wearing Gucci, attends the 2022 LACMA ART+FILM GALA Presented By Gucci at Los Angeles County Museum of Art on November 05, 2022 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Michael Kovac/Getty Images for LACMA)
Andrew Garfield is getting introspective about not having children before the age of 40. (Photo: Michael Kovac/Getty Images for LACMA) (Michael Kovac via Getty Images)

Andrew Garfield is carving his own path.

The actor, 39, recently opened up about the trajectory of his life and career in an interview with British GQ, during which he criticized the societal pressure he feels to have kids as he turns 40.

"Releasing myself from the societal obligation of procreating by the time I’m 40 has been an interesting thing to do with myself," said Garfield, who's been reported to have rekindled his romance with ex-girlfriend Alyssa Miller after their split earlier this year.

"Where do I start with why it didn’t happen?" he continued. "No, it’s more about accepting a different path than what was kind of expected of me from birth. Like, By this time you will have done this, and you will have at least one child — that kind of thing. I think I have some guilt around that. And obviously it’s easier for me as a man."

Though the actor would "rather not" have kids later in life, he admits there is still time and he isn't exactly cutting out the possibility.

"Life is in charge," he said. "We’ll see what happens. I’m curious."

Having lost his mom, Lynn, to pancreatic cancer last year, the actor says that if he ever had kids, he knows she'll be there in spirit — and accepting her absence is part of embracing new paths in life.

"Life seems to be a perpetual practice of letting s*** go," he said. "Letting go of an idea of how a thing should look, or be, or feel. And that one’s a big one [to let go of], because of course I would’ve loved my mom to have met my kids, if I’m going to have kids. And she will. In spirit. She’ll be there for it. I know she’s there, for all the big ones."

The death of his mom, he added, reminded him to never waste a moment with the ones you love.

"There was no stone left unturned. There was nothing left unsaid," he explained of losing his mom. "The wild thing is, even though we loved her to the max — there’s still love to give. That’s interesting. And that love can feel like grief, or can be renamed grief, in a way, because it would be so nice to be able to continue to love her in person. Her not being here to receive it, with her body, creates some grief."

"But," he continued, "the love is still love. It’s that unconditional well of infinity that I suddenly got access to, through the loss. It was like, Oh, s*** — like striking oil. It’s never-ending. The grief is never-ending. The love is never-ending. Like, Oh. That’s the nature of love.

"You let it drown you sometimes. You ride it sometimes," he says of love. "You give thanks, that’s the point. And it’s so trite and so cliché, but that’s it. Whatever that unnameable thing is, that we try to call 'love,' that’s what we’re meant to experience here, somehow."

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