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Never upstage a bride, and other proposal etiquette rules

Proposing at someone else's wedding? Definitely a 'no-no' proposal. (Imgur)

It’s an unspoken rule most of us are well aware of: Never upstage the bride.

So when a photo of a man proposing to his girlfriend at a wedding in front of a bride and groom was posted on Reddit, the collective Internet made it clear that it does not approve of the hijacking moment.

Whether he was just trying to take advantage of an already romantic day, or he was well aware of the etiquette crime he was committing, it didn’t seem to matter to Redditors — or the unamused-looking bride: you don’t propose at someone else’s wedding.

“The new husband seems to be amused, but you can see the wife’s face already beginning to contort into the wrath-like trance of hellfire and fury befitting a woman upstaged,” wrote Redditor PainMatrix.

Reddit user lcotemi speculated that the faux pas will likely spark a cycle of revenge:

"When that couple gets married, the current couple will announce their pregnancy. The cycle will continue.”

And another Reddit user suggested starting a rumour that it’s bad luck to propose at someone’s wedding.

William Hanson, author of “The Bluffer’s Guide To Etiquette,” told the Daily Mail that “it doesn’t make it any better if you clear it in advance with the couple, you should not ask in the first place.”

Melissa Andre, Creative Director of Melissa Andre Events Inc. in Toronto, agrees.

“Even if the couple getting married was OK with this, the person being proposed to may not be completely thrilled. It is important to make your own memories that are unique to your relationship,” she tells Yahoo! Canada.

And it’s not just weddings you should avoid as a proposal spot. Be careful to not upstage other big announcements at family gatherings or parties.

“In my opinion, a proposal should not be shared with any other event, and most certainly not with another proposal,” Andre says. “But, if the date is so absolutely crucial and it must happen at that specific time, then the proposer should find a way to make the proposal special and sentimental in its own way. Brides love to tell the story of their proposal — so giving them romantic details that they can replay in their mind endlessly is an absolute must.”

According to Everything Engagement, other huge proposal faux pas include proposing without a ring — a survey by The Knot found this gaffe to be the number-one engagement faux pas — getting down on one knee while tipsy, employing a cruel “fakeout” strategy in which you just lead your partner along, or popping the question over text, email or social media.

(Andre says there’s no hard-and-fast rule that you must propose with a ring — “The ring is just a symbol. It carries with it only the meaning you give to it,” she says — but if you know your partner is expecting one, you’d better have one.)

Rings and food don’t mix well, either, as evidenced by this unfortunate case of a woman accidentally swallowing her diamond:

[swallow diamond video]

Proposing in front of an audience — even if it’s not at someone else’s wedding — is also not recommended.

Andre recommends tailoring the proposal to your significant other’s wishes. And unless they’ve indicated that a public or family-oriented proposal is something they’d want, it’s probably best to keep it private.

“Overall, I think it is important to get a sense of what the proposee would be happy with, and make the experience as lovely for them as possible,” she tells Yahoo Canada. “It is also vital to run the proposal idea by the person hosting the other event. Generally speaking, however, I would stay away from this idea unless the proposee has previously expressed this being an ideal proposal for them, and opt for a much more personal, memorable, and romantic experience involving just the bride and groom.”

According to The Knot:

“In our survey most women deemed ‘proposing in public’ and ‘proposing in front of friends or family’ as the biggest blunders an aspiring fiancé could make (don’t even think about a sports stadium unless that’s where you met/first kissed/fell in love). She won’t be able to savour the moment if she feels like she’s on stage.”

We’re assuming the following gentlemen didn’t get that memo:

[proposal at stadium]

[proposal in front of family]

The one exception to this rule: proposing at the site of your first date.

(Yes, this could be romantic. But if you met at a food court, you might want to rethink your proposal strategy.)

[food court proposal]

According to a study conducted by VoucherCloud, an unromantic proposal setting was the top reason for rejecting a marriage proposal, followed by poor ring choice and bad wording. Surprisingly, “scared of the commitment” was only fifth place.

We’re assuming “dressing up as a teddy bear” is also frowned upon by the love experts.

[teddy bear proposal]

One nonnegotiable rule to proposing: you must actually ask the question.

“I’ve seen a few proposers get so nervous that after their declaration of love they just sit there silently waiting for an answer to a question they never actually asked,” Andre says.

Watch other failed proposals here.