If the British monarchy gets you riled up (and not in the celebratory way) you may want to stop reading now.
Because Buckingham Palace has just released a list of gifts bestowed upon Queen Elizabeth II in honour of her Diamond Jubilee and even if you combined every holiday bounty received by every person in your neighbourhood over an entire lifespan it would not even come close to a fraction of the Queen’s loot.
Here’s why there will never be a “Royals: They’re Just Like Us!” section of Us Weekly:
For starters, someone gave the Queen a live baby llama. Since it’s not a corgi it’s doubtful she will keep the poor creature at Buckingham Palace, but if anyone in the U.K. has a sudden need for a domesticated South American camelid, you now have an additional option.
[ Related: Antarctica and a llama for UK queen in jubilee year ]
Something she may keep in the palace: a knitted tea cozy that someone commissioned of her beloved canines. And to compliment this thoughtful gift, another individual brought her corgi pack a doggy bed in the shape of the crown. The alpha dogfight to determine which one gets to sleep in said crown bed may not be pretty.
In honour of the Queen’s cameo alongside James Bond’s Daniel Craig during the London Olympics Opening Ceremony intro, International Olympic Committee President Jacques Rogge gave her a boxed set of gold, silver and bronze medals in what amounts to the athletic equivalent of an honorary doctorate.
President Obama and the First Lady sent a classy 1950s inspired silver compact from Tiffany and Co., but their gift pales in comparison to the one she received from her own government: The U.K. renamed a huge chunk of Antarctica after its sovereign, which means there’s a 169,000 square-mile stretch of frozen tundra now officially called Queen Elizabeth Land.
While this pile of presents is impressive, modern-day folks need to step up their game if they want to compete with royal gift-givers of eras past.
[ More Buzz: Amateur Australian prospector finds huge gold nugget ]
A piece of continent is one thing, but the unicorn horn mounted in solid gold that Pope Clement VII bestowed upon King Francis I falls into the “legendary” category. As in literally. Thankfully for Pope Clement VII’s sake, a few people still believed unicorns existed back in the 16th century.
And the good news for everyone else is that you still have the Queen’s birthday to try again.
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