A modest proposal to protect the people of Canada from the scourge of hot Tim Hortons beverages

It is a melancholy object to those who travel through this great country, when they see the streets, the roads and the coffee shops, crowded with men and women carrying coffee and tea cups filled to the brim with piping hot liquids.

These consumers, instead of enjoying tepid lattes and lukewarm chai, are forced to travel with caution, lest their overheated beverages spill and scald themselves or their loved ones.

Lisa Marchant of Winnipeg knows this danger all too well, after a tea she purchased from a local Tim Hortons spilled in a car accident and burned her leg earlier this year.

Marchant now tells CBC News that the government should be regulating the temperature of hot beverages sold in Canada.

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She has already filed a request for Tim Hortons to cover the cost of medical supplies for the burn, which has been denied. She is now focused on, and this bears repeating, calling on the government to pass laws that regulate the temperature of hot beverages sold in Canada.

We as a civilized nation should know better than to entrust our citizens to protect themselves from such dangers. This is why the only recourse is obvious: The government must insist that all beverages in Canada be sold at room temperature.

A few quick notes before I address my own modest proposal.

First, Tim Hortons says it follows the Tea Association of Canada's recommended practices for serving temperatures, which falls between 85 C and 100 C depending on the type of tea.

Second, and most shockingly (even more so than the fact that the Tea Association of Canada actually exists) is that our government does not currently have legislation outlining safe beverage temperature rules.

Something must be done. Surely we cannot continue as a society allowing citizens to wantonly purchase steeped tea and fresh coffee at extreme temperatures. It is the equivalent of handing a person a loaded gun, and is only a matter of time before a leg or tongue is made to suffer.

To a lesser extent, a similar concern exists for beverages sold at cold temperatures. Brain freeze, while deadly on its own, is the least of our concerns with the sale of milkshakes and slurpees.

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Legislation ensuring all liquids be sold at room temperature would protect us from both these extremes. It would also entrust the customer, who knows best what he or she truly desires, with ensuring the optimal temperature of their purchase.

Under this new law, one would simply buy their beverage, return home and heat it (or cool it) to the preferred temperature. For those on the go, most offices and public cafeterias now provide access to microwaves. No need to return home after swinging by your local café when you can warm your tea up at the office.

This issue comes down to personal responsibility. It is beyond time we place personal responsibility in the hands of the customer to determine what beverage temperature is safe for them.

I profess, in the sincerity of my heart, that I have no other motive than the public good of my country, in making this proposal.

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