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The hidden dress code message in school hallways

A silent upheaval is happening across schools in Canada and the US. On the surface, it appears to be about dress codes, but in reality it’s the first wave of a vocal uprising from students around puberty and sexualization in schools, according to one expert.

In early April, a 15-word post went up on Tumblr with a picture that quickly went viral.

 

the Tumblr post that went viral.
the Tumblr post that went viral.

Signs like this have been appearing in schools across North America for the last couple of years, but nobody is really talking about them. The issue, at first glance, is straightforward: dress codes that unfairly target girls.

But the issue isn’t nearly that simple, says Dr. Gabrielle Morrissey, a human sexuality and relationships expert. The signs aren’t just a way to argue against dress codes; they’re an important first step for teens to proclaim that they want to lead the conversation on matters of sexuality, gender equality and self-esteem.

“It's almost like an anonymous "take back the night" campaign,” Morrissey told Yahoo Canada.

“They’re not empowered enough to attach names and faces to it, but they’re trying to take the power and exert their voices and selves. I take the signs as a direct invitation to want to lead and or be involved in the discussion.”

Don't say rules are rules. That’s just telling girls to shut up.

—Andrea Stokes

That willingness to lead would fill an important gap in an issue that has dominated headlines in years past. Every spring, as the weather gets nicer and winter coats go back in the closet, the matter of dress codes and appropriate dress comes up again. And each year, students complain that they’re left out of the discussion of a policy that directly impacts their self-expression. Sexualization is inferred where it doesn’t always exist, and the girls have no say in the matter.

When a student tries to change that paradigm, the results usually aren’t pretty.

Last May, Tallie Doyle was taken to the principal’s office at Fisher Park Public School in Ottawa because she refused to cover up a spaghetti-strap shirt with black bra straps showing underneath. Tallie, then 14, knew the outfit contravened the school’s dress code, but she didn’t understand why the policy existed. So she challenged it.

Andrea Stokes, Doyle’s mother, supported her daughter. Stokes said Tallie didn’t think of her clothes as sexual; to her they were just what she thought was fashionable.

“In the years of 12-14, it really was ‘I’m just putting my clothes on’,” Stokes said.

“Even wearing bras was new to her. Nobody in her life had ever sexualized her before.”

Empowered by a healthy dose of “righteous indignation,” as Stokes calls it, Tallie was willing to take a stand. She spoke to the media, and demanded answers. And the backlash was incredible.

“We were all shocked at the vitriol,” Stokes said.

“The flak was unbelievable.”

Near-constant harassment

That backlash included what Stokes calls “near-constant harassment” of Tallie by boys, both at Fisher Park and at her new high school. Parents have judged them, and the comments online and in social media bordered on outlandish. (One example: “Sorry young lady but a classroom is not a cocktail lounge and the object is to get an education rather than to set up for a Saturday night date.”)

We asked the Ottawa-Carleton District School Board to discuss why dress codes like the one that ensnared Tallie are enforced. Sharlene Hunter of the OCDSB sent a statement that included the following:

“This student dress policy is based on the expectation that schools shall be safe and respectful learning environments. It is not about "distracting boys". The dress code is applied to all students.”

The part of the OCDSB policy that applied to Tallie, it’s presumed, is a prohibition on “sexually explicit or revealing dress.”

That wording, Dr. Morrissey said, is part of the problem.

“Even the language we use to describe it implies sexuality,” she said.

When the policy assumes a matter of sexuality, Morrissey said, it’s incumbent on the administrators to deal with it in a way that encompasses all the issues it raises.

“The discussion is about both genders, gender roles, sexual control, sexual invitation and sexual response, gender equality … and in comprehensive sex ed, rather than one or two rushed health education classes, these discussions can take place among teachers and students, where whether they get to make the rules or not, there is healthy debate about them so they better understand the complexity of the world in which they are growing up.”

In Tallie’s case, Stokes said she challenged the dress code because she wanted to know why it existed in the first place. She never got an answer, or at least one she liked.

Don’t say ‘rules are rules,’” Stokes said.

“That’s just telling girls to shut up. Make sure they’re implemented in a way to be compassionate.”

There’s also a fair question of whether the dress code is adequately addressing all the issues it purports to deal with.

“Larger conversations around gender roles and stereotypes can be discussed through the topic of dress codes,” Dr. Morrissey said.

“Why is it we feel girls can’t show their bodies, that their developing sexuality is something to be shameful of? Does it potentially elicit thoughts of “uncontrollable” sexual urges among boys and men? What does that mean we are saying about boys and men in today’s society then?”

One size fits all?

Another issue is whether a blanket policy is the right approach at all. The OCDSB has a dress code policy for the entire board. The Toronto District School Board and Vancouver School Board each draft their policies by school, to address community-specific issues that might not be relevant at other schools.

Ellen Roberts is the principal of Kitsilano Secondary School. She’s often pulled in both directions, by students who want to push the envelope, and parents who want her to draw a firm line in the sand. She manages by trying to understand the changing reality of the school-age population.

“Sexualization is out there, and the trend is towards more acceptance,” Roberts said.

“We have more open conversations about sexuality.”

Roberts thinks some schools’ policies towards the issues that impact teenagers are outdated. For example, there are signs in schools banning cell phone use, while the sexting culture within the schools is alive and well. It’s a disconnect between policy and reality that serves no-one.

“Some of the stuff is archaic,” Roberts said. And that includes dress codes.

“I think there’s an old-fashioned attitude towards dress, and I think we need to change it,” she said.

“I’ve seen a lot of navels, but I think the girls are confident, high-achieving. There are kids that push the boundaries, but you already know about them for other reasons.”

Roberts is seeing students who want to flip the question, asking why teachers and administrators are assuming sexual motives in their dress.

“We find ourselves in positions where they say ‘why are you looking at us like that?’”

Those messages, like the ones popping up on hallway doors, point to the same overarching message Tallie and her mother have: they want to talk about this. Girls want to know why the same clothes they see in ads and in the front window at malls are suddenly inappropriate behind a desk, Stokes said.

“I don’t think boys are asked to self-scrutinize in the same way,” she said.

“Don’t just tell hem they can’t wear that… attempt to explain why the code is written...and demonstrate a willingness to be flexible, and careful in how it's implemented.”

That dialogue, Dr. Morrissey stressed, is the only real way to solve the perennial problem of “teacher knows best.”

"I would argue that if you are going to acknowledge the increasingly rapid rate of our youth becoming aware of adult issues such as stranger dangers, drugs, addiction, financial stresses, etc., that you engage them in the conversation and thereby start to empower them, in the boundaries of what is appropriate for their age group. By handing down dress codes that invite shame instead of titillation, one is simply replacing a negative with another negative.”

To that end, Stokes, Roberts and Dr. Morrissey agree that the secret to solving this perennial issue is increased communication.

“We need engaged, interactive learning with young people to speak their mind and hash through their feelings,” Dr. Morrissey said.

If that communication is beginning with anonymous signs posted on a hallway door, it’s not ideal, but it’s a start.