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Why I want my kid to study sex-ed

Sexual education

I’m reading a 240-page book looking for pervy passages. I search for graphic images, explicit sentences, and titillating titles.

In my quest to understand why some parents are protesting (including my Muslim co-religionists) what has been nicknamed Ontario’s sex-ed curriculum, I search for content that might be considered inappropriate for my eight-year-old son.

Instead, what I find in the alluringly titled, “The Ontario Curriculum, Grades 1 – 8: Health and Physical Education”, are topics dealing with children’s physical and emotional safety, living skills, creative and critical thinking. Among other things, the curriculum covers fire safety, nutrition, washing your hands before leaving the bathroom, and working with students for whom English is a second language.

The curriculum doesn’t get juicy until, well, it doesn’t. No sizzle. Which surprises me because from what I’ve read on the Canadian Families Alliance website and have seen of the protests on TV and in the papers, childhood innocence is on the line.

Some parents are worried that if their children attend a health class and are taught the proper names for their genitals; if they learn how babies are made; if they are taught the dangers of sexting; or if they are taught, for instance, about homosexuality and transgender, then it will lead to a whole host of disorders.

Ontario sex-ed dispute: Why one mother will keep her kids at home
Ontario sex-ed dispute: Why one mother will keep her kids at home

Sexualizing them early?

One parent, a member of the Thorncliffe Parents Association told CBC, “The content is so bad that we cannot teach it to our children. It's inappropriate. There's no science or medical background that supports the curriculum and we believe it will lead to mental disorders, STDs and early pregnancies."

And Campaign Life Coalition’s Jack Fonseca told CBC he believes the curriculum "is politically driven by a government that wants to indoctrinate our kids and sexualize them early."

Meanwhile, the Hamilton Spectator quoted one mother as saying the curriculum teaches kids to have sex and masturbate.

Uh, no. It says masturbation is “something that many people do and find pleasurable”. Science has proven this to be true. (As have countless teenage boys who smothered their tent-poles in a pair of track pants.) But unless it’s in code or invisible ink, the curriculum does not include an A-Z primer with pop-ups on diddling yourself.

At the risk of stating the obvious, there’s a sense of hysteria, an imaginary movie reel looping in parents’ minds, where teachers give paper-cut-outs of penes and vaginas to first graders. “Take these genitals, girls and boys. Stay in the lines while you colour!”

I question if any of these parents have read the document. I wish they would put their emotions aside and make decisions about their children’s education by carefully considering the facts.

The curriculum covers what I believe to be important topics.

In Grade 1 children will identify their body parts using the correct terminology; in Grade 2 they’ll learn the basics of human body development; in Grade 3, they’ll discuss bullying and peer pressure; in Grade 4, students learn about puberty as well as the dangers of online bullying; in Grade 5, reproduction and menstruation are covered; in Grade 6, yes, they’ll discuss masturbation as well as the physical and emotional changes that occur during adolescence; in Grade 7, the importance of abstinence is discussed and the concept of consent; and in Grade 8, gender identity, gender expression, and sexual orientation are covered.

How I learned about pum

Never mind the curriculum, today our kids are exposed to the good, the bad, and the ugly, from other kids as well as the Internet and videos and magazine and TV shows – heck even Nickelodeon gets saucy. While I’m on the subject, yes, I’ve placed parental controls on Google Chrome and YouTube and restricted my son’s Internet access as much as possible. But I know he will learn. Kids just do.

When we were young, we just learned.

As much as I’d like to forget, the memories remain in sharp focus of a grade 6 exchange student from Quebec, telling me about the Phys Ed teacher at her old school bringing to class – as a teaching tool – a Mason jar filled with a creamy substance.

“It was pum,” she whispered, smirking at my blank expression. “She had sex the night before and got her husband to fill the jar with his sperm. If you looked close enough you could see little black dots.”

You can imagine how very mysterious this was to a first-generation moderately religious Pakistani-Canadian. My traditional parents didn’t allow dating. At no point did we discuss where babies came from. Or anything sex related. Nevertheless, in Grade 6, I heard about “pum”. And humping. The number “69” was mentioned. None of these were explained and I didn’t ask.

Today I know that my young classmate was talking nonsense. She obviously fabricated the story. But I also know, as clear as the day is long, that I do not want a 21st-century version of “pum” to become my son’s introduction to sex-ed. I want a teacher. And my vote is 100% with the curriculum.

But the curriculum doesn’t exist in a vacuum. I have a role to play. We all do. As parents we have to contextualize what our children see, hear, and read. Whatever they learn at school, we should discuss at home. Even if the topics make us squirm. We have to parent with open minds and teach our children to embrace knowledge.

Knowledge is power and who doesn’t want their children to have power? This is about teaching them to understand their emotional and physical health. And yes, sex.