Eh Game

London 2012: What to watch, August 6th

Canada's Lauren Sesselmann works out prior to the big game against the U.S. (Reuters)

That men's 100 metre sprint was sure something, wasn't it?

Honestly, I didn't think anything could top that Rona circular saw race we've been seeing over and over during commercial breaks. I kept telling myself "don't expect this to compare...don't expect this to compare...." But you know what? Usain Bolt's return to domination topped it. Can't wait to see what profanity-laced 140 character rampage Samuel L. Jackson feels compelled to unleash on twitter, after watching that.

Not only did Bolt get the win, but he scooped a plush toy mini-version of the London 2012 mascot. I think that's good, but I'm not really sure what it's supposed to be. All I know is that Usain Bolt won a gold medal and something you'd stuff into a garbage can after you won it playing ring toss at the fair.

[Slideshow: Usain Bolt wins gold in 100 metre]

Onward we go to "Day August 6th," and women's soccer takes centre stage. Canada versus the United States in semi-final action. Just a friendly little border skirmish. With accusations of dirty play. Yup, Canada's head coach, John Herdman, has accused the U.S. of illegal tactics on corner and free kicks. Attempting a little psychological warfare, sir? Nice. That's just what Laura Secord would have done during the War of 1812, of which, you may have noticed, we're marking the 200th anniversary. You've probably seen those commercials, interspersed with the circular saw races. Canada has lost 24 consecutive matches to The States, so, a psychological leg up couldn't hurt. 2:45 pm ET, TSN.

The Canadian equestrian team will battle the jumps and adversity, in day two of the team jumping event. There will be just three Canadian horse/rider pairs, instead of four, what with the disqualification of Tiffany Foster's horse "Victor," due to a slight injury. It was a controversial decision, as you can read here. The Canadians were pretty peeved by this, so there's an outside chance they'll go all Calgary Stampede on the judges, chasing them down, lassoing them and leaving them hog tied at the foot of an oxer. They would probably be DQ'd over that, but might just inadvertently invent a new Olympic sport. 9am ET, ATN.

[Related: Mary Spencer carries extra confidence into first Olympic bout]

Canada's Mary Spencer steps into the ring, and whatever else happens, you know her eyelashes are gonna look just terrific.

What the? Olympic Games Edition mascara?!

I haven't seen anything this odd from a Canadian boxer since Willie de Witt's "Olympic Game Edition" sparkle lip gloss. What? Why, sure, that was a real thing. Go for it, Mary. And just know that I know that you know that you could pound the living crap out of me right now for making fun. Mary Spencer vs China's Jinzi Li. Scheduled for 11 am ET, Sportsnet.

AvK hits the water at Eton Dorney basin. Adam van Koeverden, in what might be his last Olympic Games, will compete in the heats for the 1,000 metre kayak. Umm, the race is 1,000 metres long, not the kayak. That wasn't a very well structured sentence. My apologies. Van Koeverden is one of the favourites, coming off a World Cup win in Moscow, just a couple months ago. He's in the first heat, scheduled to go off at 4:54 am ET, on CTV.

[More: Adam van Koeverden gets set for third Olympics]

Olympic cycling? Or a fully lit version of "Tron?" (Reuters)

And, finally, there'll be me making another attempt at watching track cycling without giggling. It's not that I don't have respect for the athletes. It's that those helmets they're wearing remind me of the old Logan's Run TV show. Canada's Tara Whitten, part of the trio that won bronze on Saturday, begins the two day omnium event. Omnium. say, wasn't that what the helmets in Logan's Run were supposed to be made of? 11:08 am ET, on CTV.

Had enough of this and just want the schedule? Click here for the broadcast consortium's run down.

More London Olympics coverage on Yahoo! Canada Sports:
Photos: Weightlifters facial expressions
Video: What's next for Michael Phelps?
Ryan Cochrane, Karen Cockburn were not robbed
Olympic officials crush the dreams of Canadian equestrian