Self-esteem develops in people by the age of 5, new study finds

How early, in life, do we become ourselves? How soon do we know how we feel about ourselves?

Sooner than anyone previously thought, according to a new study from the University of Washington. Researchers say our sense of self-esteem is squarely in place by the age of five.

“Self-esteem is one of psychology’s most central constructs,” says Dario Cvenček, a research scientist at UW’s Institute for Learning and Brain Sciences (I-LABS).

“Given its centrality in social and personality psychology, our work has been seeking to explore the origins of self-esteem in early development.”

So how do you do something like that? Preschoolers aren’t nearly as fluent in word and thought as adults. Their parents may understand them clearly enough, but it’s not that easy for a researcher.

“Previously, other work had shown that pre-schoolers know about some of their specific good features,” Cvenček explains.

“For example, at very early ages, children can give verbal reports of what they’re good at, as long as it’s about a narrow, concrete field: ‘I’m good at running,’ or ‘I’m good at music.’”

Taking that as a starting point, the team zoomed in on the basics.

“We think, at the most basic level, the essence of self-esteem can be defined as the link between the category ‘me,’ and the category ‘good.’ So, in a way, ‘me’ equals ‘good.’”

Using a push-button computer interface, kids were tested on their ability to associate flags and words.

“The children were told that some of these flags are yours, and some are not yours,” Cvenček says.

“And then, we asked them to push the same button when they see ‘my’ flag and ‘good’ words. And we measured how fast they are doing this.”

‘Bad’ words were included, too, lest you wonder if the test was skewed towards finding positive self-esteem. That’s important, because the team found huge amounts of positive self-esteem.

“In our sample, more than 90 per cent had scores indicating positive self-esteem. There was a variability in how good they thought they were, but overall, most of the children thought that they were good.”

So why don’t 90 per cent of grown adults have that same positive self-viewpoint?

“Children are going to encounter different threats to their self-esteem as they grow up,” he says.

“The important thing to keep in mind is that minor setbacks do not cause children to abandon their sense of self-esteem. We believe that healthy self-esteem – a positive attitude about yourself – can provide an emotional buffer to setbacks, and resilience to failures.

“Even at age five, children already have a very logical system of mental organization. If I’m a boy, and I think boys are good, I’m going to have high self-esteem. If I’m a girl, and I have high self-esteem, I’m going to think that girls are good.”

What, then, is the lesson of this work for the parents of pre-school children?”

“Give unconditional love to your child. We know that kids care a lot about others who are like them. And if you take that preference and combine it with warm and consistent care, then children develop feelings of attachment to their parents, which may then pave the way for the development of positive self-esteem.

“Children who feel loved by others will internalize this love,” Cvenček concludes.

“To love themselves.”