Well, that was kind of … nice, wasn't it?
The 2014 Golden Globes made for one of the most uneventful and even somewhat — gasp! — tasteful ceremonies in the annual event's history. The drunken shenanigans were kept to a minimum, only a handful of people embarrassed themselves and it all made for a rather pleasant evening with a few bizarre standalone moments.
As they did last year, master comediennes and real-life BFFs Tina Fey and Amy Poehler ran a pretty entertaining show, keeping things brisk and amusing if not always laugh-out-loud funny (though there were some genuinely hilarious bits as well). Not surprisingly, most of the ceremony's "Best Of" moments came courtesy of them, with the "Worst Of" moments coming from some rather random sources.
Here's our breakdown of the highs and lows of the 71st Annual Golden Globes.
BEST: Matthew McConaughey's Acceptance Speech
First of all, it's awesome that Matthew McConaughey won Best Actor in a Motion Picture, Drama for his performance in "Dallas Buyers Club." Second of all, could he have done anything more audience-pleasing than opening his acceptance speech with his trademark line, "All right, all right, all right"?
WORST: Jacqueline Bisset's Acceptance Speech
Um … what the heck was going on here? The veteran actress took what seemed like 10 minutes to get to the stage to accept the Golden Globe for Best Supporting Actress in a Series, Mini-Series or TV Movie for her performance in "Dancing On the Edge," after which she delivered an acceptance speech alternately filled with uncomfortable, tense silences and strange incoherencies. She also seemed to be barely controlling some seething anger towards the Hollywood Foreign Press, whom she points out had nominated her "five times."
BEST: George Clooney Diss
Tina and Amy took a playful poke at their not-in-attendance pal George Clooney during their opening monologue while discussing "Gravity," a movie in which "George Clooney would rather float away and die than spend one more minute with a woman his own age." George probably laughed from his living room, if he was indeed watching the show (maybe he was on the prowl for a younger woman).
WORST: A Not So Fun Fun Fact From E! Online
If you watched E! Online's streaming coverage of the red carpet, you probably noticed the occasional 'Fun Fact' popping up on screen. At least one of those facts wasn't so 'fun' and sparked quite the heated social media reactions.
A spokesman for E! has since apologized for the Michael J. Fox 'Fun Fact': "We regret the insensitive classification of Michael J Fox's Parkinson’s diagnosis during our E! Online live stream," the statement reads. "We understand the serious nature of the disease and sincerely apologize."
[Related: Golden Globes Red Carpet Report Card]
BEST: The Joke's on Leo
Tina and Amy brought the winner of Best Actor in a Motion Picture, Musical or Comedy to the stage with "Like a supermodel's vagina, let's all give a warm welcome to Leonardo DiCaprio!" Leo took the stage with a smile, the good sport that he is, knowing that a gentleman never denies the truth.
WORST: Jonah Hill vs. the Teleprompter
There was a mishap with the teleprompter that left Jonah Hill and Margot Robbie hanging for a beat or two before they were given a sheet of yellow paper containing the presentation script for "The Wolf of Wall Street." Margot laughed it off, wondering if it was a joke that was pulled on "rookies like me," but Hill seemed genuinely offended by the mistake, aggressively explaining the situation to the audience and reading from the paper in a dismissive monotone. Jonah, you're not playing Donnie Azoff anymore, buddy.
[Related: 2014 Golden Globes Mysteries Solved]
BEST: Randy, aka Mr. Golden Globe
Kyra Sedgwick and Kevin Bacon couldn't have been prouder parents when they presented their daughter, Sosie Bacon, as this year's Miss Golden Globe. However, Sosie soon discovered she had to share the title with a "Mr. Golden Globe" -- Randy, the son of Tina Fey from a "previous relationship." Randy was, or course, Amy Poehler in an ill-fitting tux and sporting a wild hairstyle, who stormed off the stage and demanded to know who his dad is. "Is it him?" he asked, pointing to Hollywood uber-producer Harvey Weinstein. Fey had no comment.
WORST: Sean Combs, Speech-Bomber
Diddy seemed to be enjoying himself as he co-presented the awards for both Best Original Score - Motion Picture and Best Original Song - Motion Picture with Kate Beckinsale and Usher. He speech-bombed Original Score winner Alex Ebert by telling the audience that "He was on a boat with me at a party in St. Barts," prompting Ebert to tell the audience that Combs had told him at that party to "Let it flow." Combs actually quoted himself when the members of U2 approached to accept their award for Original Song -- three times, actually, exclaiming "Let it flow, let it flow, let it flow" as the legendary rock group took the stage. And that's after he told the audience to "Keep drinking — it'll be over soon."
BEST: Tina & Amy Vs. Julia Louis-Dreyfus
The co-hosts enjoyed a playful two-part joke with the "Seinfeld" alum, who started off the show sitting in the "Movies section" of the audience due to her nomination for Best Actress in a Motion Picture, Musical or Comedy for "Enough Said" and thusly dissing her TV roots. Later in the show, Tina & Amy pointed out that Julia had ditched the sunglasses and attitude and moved to the more laid-back "TV section," where she was chomping on a monster hot dog and reflecting her nomination for Best Actress in a TV Series, Comedy for "Veep."
WORST: Melissa McCarthy as Matt Damon
"The Heat" star and Jimmy Fallon took the stage to present Best Actor in a Mini-Series or TV Movie, which was preceded by a bit in which Fallon claimed that McCarthy had been hit on the head backstage by a runaway sandbag and now thought she was Matt Damon. While the joke was somewhat awkward and unnecessary, it was at least affectionate, with McCarthy portraying Damon as an easygoing, good-natured fella with a desirable wife, "Mrs. Matt Damon."
BEST: Amy Poehler FTW
Amy was seen getting a back massage from Bono as her name was called as a nominee for Best Actress in a TV Series, Comedy. She then planted a big kiss on her massager's lips when she was announced as the winner for her performance on "Parks and Recreation." Could a new theme song performed by U2 be in the works for Season Seven of the NBC series?
WORST: Thor and Niki Lauda
It was pretty cool that former Formula One racecar driver Niki Lauda took the stage to present Best Motion Picture, Drama nominee, "Rush." It would've been cooler if the guy who actually plays him in the film, Daniel Bruhl, had taken the stage with him, rather than Bruhl's arguably more attractive co-star, Chris Hemsworth. Oh, Hollywood.
BEST: Alfonso Cuarón Makes Fun of His Own Accent
Best Director winner Alfonso Cuarón shared an amusing story about the dangers of being a director with an accent that's often hard to understand, relating a moment on the set of "Gravity" where Sandra Bullock may have heard "I'm going to give you herpes" when he actually said "I'm going to give you an ear piece." True story? It's a funny one even if it's not.
WORST: Dissing the "Transformers" Boys
Tina Fey's one misstep was her poking fun at Michael Bay's recent abrupt exit from a CES presentation, which came across as rather mean-spirited (and, ultimately, not very funny). Ditto Jim Carrey attributing the quote of "Dying is easy, comedy is hard" to recent rampant plagiarist Shia LaBeouf.
Granted, Ricky Gervais would've been a whole lot meaner on both counts.