We're only a few awards in and the Golden Globes has evolved into a full-on who-can-swear-more-contest between Elisabeth Moss or Jacqueline Bisset.
Let's recap: Moss dropped a "holy sh--" bomb after winning for "Top of the Lake." But the speech that really has us reeling comes from Bisset, whose work in "Dancing on the Edge" earned her a trophy for Best Supporting Actress in a Mini-Series or TV Movie.
It started with a really awkward silence, like she was leafing through a file cabinet in her brain, trying to find her words:
And when she did begin, it was fairly standard. The 69-year-old British beauty thanked the HFPA. She told us about being named "Promising Newcomer" by them 47 years ago. Then, stuff got weird. "You've nominated me about five times," she said. And that's true. Bisset was most recently nominated in 1999 for Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for TV for her work in "Joan of Arc." No, she was not nominated for her awesome work in "Class" with Rob Lowe and Andrew McCarthy.
Anyway, the actress then made a shout-out, presumably to "12 Years a Slave" nominee Chiwetel Ejiofor: "OK, Scottish background to the front! Where is Chiwetal? I need him for inspiration!" (Bisset's father was Scottish, FYI.)
If he wins, will he reciprocate? Too soon to tell.
Naturally, the music started playing, but Bisset was just warming up. "I'm sorry, I'm going to get this together," she effused, before blurting out the four letter word that starts with the letter 's'. "I say like, my mother, what did she say, go to hell and don't come back."
It was then that the music volume took a serious upswing, as if the horns were literally going to knock her off the stage. But she went on, unperturbed: "My mother. ... However, however, however, if you want to look good, you have to forgive everybody. It is the best beauty treatment."
Will NBC forgive her for eating up precious time and forcing them to use the bleep? Stay tuned.
There are no less than a zillion Tweets about the strange speech, but this is one of our favorites because it calls back to another Unofficial Odd Speech Award Winner, "Nurse Jackie" star Merrit Wever's Emmy opus.
"That was a really bad speech" - Merritt Wever watching Jacqueline Bisset
— billy eichner (@billyeichner) January 13, 2014
And our other favorite Tweet comes from the author of the speech. (Wink, wink.) Good job, Ellen!
I helped write Jacqueline Bisset's speech. Did you like it?
— Ellen DeGeneres (@TheEllenShow) January 13, 2014
The British babe's speech is already the gift that keeps on giving. While most winners tonight are being super blunt about their nerves about being up there, audiences were treated to one cool dude who is, like, so over it. Yes, Randy (Amy Poehler in Bieber drag), is Tina Fey's adult son from a previous relationship. He was forced to make an appearance because he's Mr. Golden Globes, you know, because gender inequality is really important in Hollywood, according to Fey. Randy, whose father is not Idris Elba, was not happy to be onstage and whined publicly about Bisset bothering him backstage.
Fey told the kid that he could learn a lot from Bisset. We think she was kidding ... or maybe not. In any case, watching Randy stand up there with Sosie Bacon, the real Miss Golden Globes, and whine about Bisset's backstage antics was for sure worth the price of admission.