Between Black Friday and Cyber Monday, an estimated eleventy trillion shoppers will be tearing through inventory in an effort to fulfill the demands of their kids' Christmas wish lists. Show up to the store an hour too late and you'll walk away empty-handed; get the wrong model and it's tantrum time. It's enough to drive a person crazy.
The nonstop barrage of toy commercials certainly doesn't help keep you sane, either, though at least contemporary ads usually make more sense than these eight astounding toy commercials from seasons past. Caution: bad ideas at play.
Baby Laugh A-Lot
The freakiest plastic toy this side of Talking Tina, Remco's 1971 giggling nightmare doesn't know when to quit. What's so funny, Baby Laugh A-Lot? Why are you laughing so hard? Stop. Please stop. SOMEONE MAKE HER STOP.
"It's a what?!" Even the Swing Wing's narrator is incredulous, and for good reason. Transogram's 1965 oddity looks like a serious pain in the neck.
Mattel Thunderburp vs. Aliens
Back in the day, toy guns looked like real guns, and aliens were to be feared and shot on sight. This toy gun double-whammy from Mattel encourages kids to introduce those stupid spacemen to the business end of a Thunderburp.
It's fine when children share their feelings with dolls, but when the doll starts whispering back, get out of the house, fast. Mattel's Baby Secret whispers all sorts of crazy things, including the incredibly unsettling "Listen…what's that?" Thanks for the horror movie set up, Baby Secret!
GI Joe Astronaut
No longer content saving the country from enemy forces, GI Joe decided to grow some lifelike hair and take off. The language of tomorrow! The future is now!
What's worse: the part where your toy pet drools all over your face, or this cringe-worthy commercial? We're not sure. Maybe both are worse.
Magic Potty Baby
In case your kid wasn't obsessing enough over the potty, Magic Potty baby turns toilet time in a 24/7 party. Also, it's pretty gross.
Make sweet, sweet music — and throw out your back — with possibly the least practical musical instrument ever made.