Brianna & Roger Had a Gorgeous Wedding in Outlander's Season 5 Premiere
The droughtlander is over, and—much like Jamie's low-ponytail—Outlander is back. The Season 5 premiere a) featured a sex montage, and b) set the stage for some pretty high stakes drama. Obviously, we have a lot to talk about including my thesis on why Roger is The Worst™, so let's get right to it.
Jamie and Claire Are Still Having Sex
Great news, Jamie heard my cries for help and has decided to grow out his bangs, resulting in a resplendent fashion pony similar to the one I wore in middle school. Glad to see he has so much in common with my 7th grade self! Anyway, thanks to Claire and Jamie, Fraser’s Ridge is thriving—by which I mean everyone is living in tents while they have sex in a giant lodge. Not at all awkward.
Speaking of awkward, Jamie seems to fully hate Roger because he didn't immediately come back for Brianna after finding out she was raped and pregnant. Which, yeah, join the club. Roger has a lot of explaining to do, but until then...
Roger and Brianna Are Married!
Honestly love a period wedding, so I'm willing to put aside my feelings about Roger "Not Today Satan" MacKenzie and congratulate this happy couple. Sure, I'd rather not have had to endure an entire scene of Jamie shaving Roger's face before the ceremony, but at least Jamie took some time to troll his son-in-law for being incapable of doing anything other than wearing turtlenecks.
Everyone gets colonially lit at the wedding and then, friends, we get to the wedding night. For reasons that have yet to be explained, we're forced to watch Roger, decked out in a billowing linen blouse, sing Frank Sinatra to Brianna on the guitar. It's best described as a lot, much like the follow-up montage of Brianna and Roger having sex while Claire and Jamie also have sex. Oh, and great news! Aunt Jocasta and Murtagh (aka Jocastagh) also had sex at the exact same time as everyone else! Like, seeing Murtagh half-naked and thrusting was not something I thought I’d be witnessing so early into the season, but here we are!
Speaking of Murtagh, He Just Left ... the Show?
Last season, Jamie got an official letter from the Crown ordering him to fight against the Regulators and kill my husband Murtagh, who—surprise!—is currently living in a cabin on Fraser's ridge. Unfortunately, a bunch of salty British men show up at Brianna's wedding to put pressure on Jamie, and he has no choice but to encourage Murtagh to leave. Hopefully this isn't the last we see of Murtagh—especially since Aunt Jocasta reveals she's been proposed to by Duncan Innes.
Jamie Starts a Low-Key Clan
Jamie's extremely riled up about this whole Murtagh situation, so he dramatically puts on his kilt and asks all his neighbor-friends to stand by him and pledge their allegiance. In other words, he forms a mini clan to "prepare for the future”—and even makes Roger a "captain" for some unclear reason. Not exactly sure what skills Roger brings to the table other than singing Frank Sinatra at inopportune moments, but sure.
Bad News: Stephen Bonnet Is Back
Jaime finds out that Stephen Bonnet, the awful man who raped Brianna last season, is still alive. And a clearly shaken Brianna overhears this news right in the middle of her wedding.
Fortunately, Roger steps up after a super tense conversation with Aunt Jacosta, during which Jacosta implies that Jeremiah isn’t his baby. Look, I dislike Roger as much as everyone else on this show, but Jacosta's lecture does the trick and inspires him to do the right thing. Meaning, Roger cuts his finger and wipes blood all over Jeremiah's head while declaring “you’re blood of my blood.” It's cute, unsanitary, and, most importantly, clearly means the world to Brianna.
Random Updates:
Some confused youth named Josiah is into Lizzie, and Jamie convinces him to stay at Fraser's Ridge even though he's a thief.
Marseli is pregnant with Fergus’s baby. Congrats you crazy kids!
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