Bring Out The Fainting Couch — 13 NSFW History Facts I Can Absolutely Guarantee You Didn't Learn In School
1.In 1745, Benjamin Franklin wrote a now-famous letter to a young man who was asking for advice on ways to control his sexual urges. Firstly, Franklin told him the proper solution was to marry; however, he also provided supplementary counsel on how to take a mistress in case the reader did not choose to marry.
In the letter, Franklin listed eight reasons why an older mistress was preferable to a younger one. One of his reasons being, "Because in every Animal that walks upright, the Deficiency of the Fluids that fill the Muscles appears first in the highest Part: The Face first grows lank and wrinkled; then the Neck; then the Breast and Arms; the lower Parts continuing to the last as plump as ever: So that covering all above with a Basket, and regarding2 only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two Women to know an old from a young one. And as in the dark all Cats are grey, the Pleasure of corporal Enjoyment with an old Woman is at least equal, and frequently superior, every Knack being by Practice capable of Improvement."
(TL;DR: Benny F was a big fan of MILFs.)
2.According to the book Sex at Dawn, by 1917, there were more vibrators in American households than electric toasters.
In the 1880s, a doctor named J. Mortimer Granville invented the first electromechanical vibrator. However, he intended it only to stimulate the nervous system and argued that it should not be used on women. Up until the mid 1910s, vibrators were strictly for medical use only, marketed as a way to cure "hysteria."
However, once the devices began showing up in pornographic magazines, doctors quickly eschewed the practice, and women were able to buy them from catalogs for their home use, or, you know, "science."
3.Even though it may sound like something out of a Tim Burton movie, Mary Shelley, the author of Frankenstein, did indeed lose her virginity on her mother's grave.
As a teenager, Shelley, often visited her mother's grave at St. Pancras Old Church Garden, Camden, to commune with her spirit. Eventually, the future horror author began secretly meeting her lover, Percy, at the tomb. In 1814, the Modern Prometheus author got it on with her future husband in the graveyard, and they lived "gothily" ever after!
4.Sexually transmitted infections posed a significant problem for the US Army and Navy during World War II. So much so that the Army even referred to STIs as "the enemy in your pants."
At the time, the three most common STIs affecting the US military were syphilis, gonorrhea, and neurosyphilis (a form of syphilis that affects the brain or spinal cord.) When infection rates soared, the US government began an educational campaign, distributing pamphlets and prophylactics. Millions of posters, such as the one above, were also printed in an effort to encourage infected soldiers to seek help. A national program of venereal disease quarantine hospitals, aka "rapid treatment centers," was established. Although the hospitals treated the infected soldiers, their initial purpose was to detain sex workers, who they believed were a threat to the war effort.
From 1941 to 1945, the rate of venereal disease in US Army soldiers was 43 out of 1000. However, when penicillin was first used in the 1940s to treat infections; its effectiveness against syphilis and gonorrhea greatly reduced the spread of the infections.
5.When Les Misérables author Victor Hugo died in 1885, all of the brothels in Paris closed to allow the sex workers a day of mourning.
Hugo requested a pauper's burial but instead was given a state funeral. Over 2 million mourners observed the funeral procession that led his casket from the Arc de Triomphe to the Panthéon. In Graham Robb's book Victor Hugo: A Biography, the author notes that alongside a full day of mourning, the sex workers also draped their genitals in black fabric as a sign of respect for the acclaimed author.
(Talk about a loyal customer...)
6.The ancient Romans had so much sex that they literally made a plant go extinct.
The plant in question was called Silphium. Although it was also used as seasoning and medicine, it was mostly thought of as a contraceptive. The plant was so popular that the ancient city of Cyrene actually imprinted the plant's heart-shaped seedpod on one side of their silver coins. The plant quickly went extinct as demand was high, and it could only grow in a thin strip of land along the North African coast.
However, one remnant of its legacy remains. Many believe the modern heart shape was designed to resemble the Silphium plant's seedpod. So, every time you send someone a heart emoji, you can thank the horny Romans!
7.Women in the Medieval Era used a variety of methods to "counterfeit" their virginity.
As we all know, virginity has been a big deal throughout history, especially in Medieval England, where a new husband liked to be reassured that his new wife was "morally pure" and free of sexually transmitted diseases.
Occasionally, however, a woman of marriageable age was no longer a virgin. So, to replicate the loss of virginity, women could use many methods. However, three of the most popular were leeches, animal blood applied to the genitals, or herbal concoctions that would cause the area to blister and bleed.
8.Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart had a crude sense of humor and often told poop jokes, and enjoyed composing bawdy songs for his friends.
In letters to family and friends and recreational compositions, Mozart often displayed "scatological" humor. In a 1777 letter to a family member, he wrote:
"Well, I wish you good night, but first,Sh*t in your bed and make it burst.Sleep soundly, my loveInto your mouth your arse you'll shove."
In 1782, the renowned composer wrote "Leck mich im Arsch," which translates to "Lick me in the Arse." However, the meaning is not quite as vulgar as it seems at first since the phrase is the German equivalent to "Kiss my ass."
(This guy would have so many Karma points on Reddit.)
9.The early American colonists weren't very opposed to unmarried teenaged couples sharing a bed.
Originating in Medieval Europe, "bundling" made a resurgence in Colonial America. What is bundling, you ask? It was when an unmarried couple, usually teenaged, was allowed to sleep in the same bed to ensure compatibility. If both sets of parents approved the "sleepover," the girl's parents would invite the boy over, usually on a Saturday night, to start the process. Typically, the girl's feet were bound, and then she was tied into a bundling bag, a makeshift cloth chastity device, up to her neck, then a long wooden board, called a bundling board, was placed in between the couple while they slept.
However, as one would completely expect, pregnancies following bundling were very common. One statistic estimated that 1 in 10 of every first child born in Colonial America was born only eight months into the marriage.
10.Broomsticks first became associated with witches due to their supposed use of hallucinogenic compounds or "brews."
The origins of the myth have roots in the rumors that alleged "witches" were known for concocting brews made of deadly nightshade, henbane, mandrake, and jimsonweed, which, when combined, produce hallucinogenic chemicals known as tropane alkaloids.
According to some historical accounts, the "witches" chose to apply the chemical substances to their skin rather than eating or drinking them. Using the handle of the broomsticks, they would then apply the compounds to their most intimate areas, such as their vaginas, for absorption, leading to the idea that these women "rode" their brooms.
In the 1995 book The Practice of Witchcraft Today, anthologist Robin Skelton also theorizes that the association of witchcraft and broomsticks may have been rooted in an ancient pagan fertility ritual. The ritual, or "broomstick dance," consisted of farmers leaping and dancing while straddling brooms, pitchforks, or other farming tools during a full moon to encourage a bountiful growing season.
However, there have been no confirmed theories on how broomsticks and witchcraft became associated. Most speculation comes from the popular historical rumors and rituals that took place during that time period.
11.The father of microbiology, Anton van Leeuwenhoek, discovered sperm by examining his own semen...and was immediately freaked out.
In 1677, the Royal Society Secretary Henry Oldenburg sent Leeuwenhoek a letter asking him to use his microscope to examine bodily fluids. At first, the microbiologist did not reply "because he felt it [the experiment] was 'unseemly.'"
However, Leeuwenhoek eventually agreed and decided to study his own semen as part of the experiment. Upon placing his sample under the microscope, he became horrified as he discovered "animalcules" or sperm under the microscope. Leeuwenhoek was so disgusted by his findings that he wrote to the Royal Society begging them, “If your Lordship should consider that these observations may disgust or scandalise the learned, I earnestly beg your Lordship to regard them as private and to publish or destroy them as your Lordship sees fit.”
(They really missed an opportunity to nickname him the "jizz wiz.")
12.Graham crackers were invented for very different reasons than you might think...
In the 1830s, Presbyterian minister Sylvester Graham, a member of the temperance movement, became convinced that people's diets were making them lustful. Graham believed that anything that provided physical pleasure caused societal harm and defied God's wishes.
The minister recommended not sleeping in soft beds, taking warm baths, or basically doing anything that anyone enjoys. He was also militant about diet. Graham, one of the earliest proponents of vegetarianism in the United States, developed a religiously guided diet composed only of raw vegetables. To supplement his diet, he developed Graham crackers, intending to make them as bland as possible so as not to cause sexual excitement.
(He would have been furious when s'mores were invented!)
13.And finally, circling back around to the horny ancient Romans: Penises were everywhere in Ancient Rome.
Now, phallic symbols weren't simply an interesting design choice. The Romans believed the imagery symbolized their god of fertility and warded off the "evil eye."
Archeologists have found penis symbolism everywhere, including the inside of homes, carved as jewelry, and even engraved on ancient roads as a map to the nearest brothels.
(Who knew Ancient Rome looked like that one textbook you had in middle school?)
Don't forget to share your favorite NSFW history facts in the comments!
