Chantal Vallée: Learn to be a healthy loser
Getting angry at your competitors will only lead to problems for yourself, says Chantal Vallée.
The five-time national champion head coach of the University of Windsor Lancers women's basketball team has spent a lot of time acting as a coach and a counsellor to her student athletes.
In the latest installment of her ongoing series on CBC's Windsor Morning, she urges everyone who has been on the losing end of a personal battle to be happy for their competition.
Ugliest part about losing
We live in a competitive world and we need to know how to handle losing. This happens on the court, or in any other competition. It happens when applying for jobs.
The ugliest part about losing is jealousy. I have found there is only one way to deal with the success of others: be happy for them.
A friend of mine recently told me a story about not getting a position she had applied for at one of the local school boards. She was very hurt because she felt she was the better candidate, was more qualified, and should have been given the job.
She told me she was so angry, jealous and mad, but knew these were not good feelings to dwell on. She also knew she had to work with the successful candidate who would become her supervisor.
On a Friday afternoon, before going away for the weekend, she went to her co-worker and told her she planned to go home with a bottle of wine to be mad because she didn't get the job, but then she would be over it.
Don't deny your emotions
There are some things to keep in mind when you haven't succeeded at a goal you've set for yourself:
- Don't deny your emotions. Be aware of them, express them.
- Set a deadline to end those emotions. Negative emotions end up hurting you.
- Grieve the failure. Experience the denial and anger on your way to acceptance.
- Let it go. Accept the loss and move on.
- Be happy for the success of your competitor.
Being happy for the success of others will help you avoid much of the pain that comes with being jealous of your competitor.
Vallée appears every other Wednesday at 7:30 a.m. on Radio-Canada's Matins sans frontieres 105.5 FM and 1550 AM and at 8:10 a.m. on CBC's Windsor Morning, 97.5 FM.
