Chrissy Teigen is grieving her pregnancy loss. These moms understand 'you do whatever gets you through it.'

Priscilla Blossom
·6 min read

Chrissy Teigen and John Legend shared Wednesday night that the couple lost their baby.

The 34-year-old mom, who was about halfway through her third pregnancy, had recently been placed on bed rest due to having a weak placenta, a complication she experienced while carrying both her daughter Luna, 4, and Miles, 2. She was hospitalized Sunday for severe bleeding.

However, as Teigen shared on Instagram, “We were never able to stop the bleeding and give our baby the fluids he needed, despite bags and bags of blood transfusions. It just wasn’t enough.”

In an emotional Instagram post, Teigen was extremely forthcoming, writing: “We are shocked and in the kind of deep pain you only hear about, the kind of pain we’ve never felt before. ... everyday can’t be full of sunshine. On this darkest of days, we will grieve, we will cry our eyes out. But we will hug and love each other harder and get through it.”

In a series of images posted alongside the gutting and unreserved words, Teigen is pictured crying while hunched over on a hospital bed; receiving an epidural; lying in bed wearing an oxygen mask and holding her husband’s hand; and cradling Jack, which the couple named their son, nestled in the same blanket newborns everywhere get wrapped in.

She later shared on Twitter: “Driving home from the hospital with no baby. How can this be real.”

Teigen not only documented these exceedingly painful moments, but she let the world see them. Because of this, many are wondering why the cookbook author and television personality would choose to grieve so publicly.

Individuals who have experienced the pain of pregnancy and infant loss know there’s no one size fits all when it comes to grieving. While some bereaved parents choose to keep their losses private, others opt to share their pain with the world, oftentimes even sharing images of the babies they lost too soon.

After seeing Teigen’s post, Jessica Clasby-Monk, who had a stillborn son in 2016, put up a picture on Instagram in the same style as Teigen’s: black and white, sitting in a hospital bed, holding her child.

View this post on Instagram

Most will have seen the heartbreaking news of Chrissy Teigen & John Legend and the death of their baby, Jack. To answer some questions that people seem to feel the need to ask: Why would you take a photo in those moments? Because that is all there is. Memories, captured. The one thing I knew that was staying in my hospital bag was my camera. Because, despite death, I was taking photos of my baby, of their moment, of our love, of our family. Because taking photos is what I do. It’s how I record, it’s how I remember. There are many too raw to look at longer than a scroll, but I have them. I have them, when I don’t have him. And that means something. Many aren’t afforded that privilege - for many reasons. We photograph everything these days. So of course we photograph this. Why on earth would you be sharing that right now? Whilst we waited a week to share on social media the death of Leo, I was eager to do it. I refused to accept that people in the world were allowed the luxury of thinking of Leo alive, if I, his mother wasn’t able to anymore. If he was dead for me, he had to be dead for everyone. It also gave us the chance to control the narrative, to use the language that we felt suitable at that time, to control when the news broke. I think this is fair for us all - especially those with a bigger (global) circle. And also - we share. It’s the modern world. To share. Doing so helps the sharer and helps the reader. It raises awareness, it releases pain, it makes others feel less alone. It is too much to hold. You need to give some of it away. Your baby may have died, but you still have pride for them. Pro-life versus pro-choice You can sit wherever you feel you need to on this spectrum of political and human debate (I know where I sit very much pro-choice). Wherever you are - you are still able to grieve the death of your child. Being pro-choice doesn’t invalidate the pain, the grief or the loss. Don’t use the death of a baby to politically point score on a debate - especially one that is SO concerningly influential in our global progress right now. Let’s aim for one thing right now? Compassion. For all. #babyloss #pailmonth #blaw #babylossawarenessweek

A post shared by JESS (@thelegacyofleo) on

For Monk, who like Teigen posted images shortly after her own loss, the disclosure “gave us the chance to control the narrative, to use the language that we felt suitable at the time, to control when the news broke.” She added, “That is all there is. Memories, captured ... Because, despite death, I was taking photos of my baby, of their moment, of our love, of our family.” Monk also wrote that she feels sharing helps to raise awareness around this painful topic, allowing others to feel “less alone.”

Other bereaved parents feel similarly, and shared their thoughts with Yahoo Life.

“Sharing about my losses so openly helped me in knowing I wasn't alone and helped others know they weren't as well. Finding balm in shared grief helped me not be consumed by it,” says Julia Tasuil, a poet and activist in South Dakota who experienced four miscarriages over six years.

Finding balm in shared grief helped me not be consumed by it. Julia Tasuil

“My heart breaks for Chrissy, John and family,” says Krista Fuerst, a loss-mom in Michigan. “My twins that died at birth are still my children. I can’t imagine hiding my love and grief for them just to make others comfortable.”

I can’t imagine hiding my love and grief ... just to make others comfortable.” Krista Fuerst

41-year-old Lynn McIntosh, a labor and delivery nurse, explains, “Sometimes trying to act as if everything is fine does more harm to us as grieving parents than sharing our grief openly does. Their news saddened me greatly, because I understand their pain,” McIntosh lost her own son, Sawyer, when he was just 2 ½ months from complications of Trisomy 18.

Sometimes trying to act as if everything is fine does more harm to us as grieving parents than sharing our grief openly does Lynn McIntosh

“Miscarriage feels very isolating. [Chrissy] does everything pretty out in the open, so maybe that’s already her comfort zone. I imagine she gets a lot of support from fans. Sometimes that might be easier to accept than support from people you’re closer too,” Kathay Johnson, an administrative specialist at Fort Hays State University Honors College, wonders. Johnson experienced a miscarriage in her third month of pregnancy.

“When I shared my pregnancy losses publicly, other women came out of the woodworks to tell me that they felt seen and validated in their own grief. To allow her grief to be a communal experience for others experiencing loss is a beautiful gift to others suffering silently,” says Gemma Hartley, author of Fed Up: Emotional Labor, Women, and the Way Forward. The Reno-based writer experienced two miscarriages, one of which required a dilation and curettage (colloquially known as a D&C, it’s a prodcedure used to remove contents from inside the uterus, according to the Mayo Clinic) toward the end of her first trimester.

To allow her grief to be a communal experience for others experiencing loss is a beautiful gift to others suffering silently Gemma Hartley

“Grief is love. We love differently, we grieve differently. ...Sharing grief can be cathartic. It can also be done out of a sense of duty to help others feel less alone or lost,” says 43-year-old Dana Ransons, a mother of four children, two of which she lost. “I like the idea of normalizing taboo subjects as a means to keep from dwelling in our misery and seeing a way to move on. I am a pro-choice atheist and will never tell a person how to grieve. You do whatever gets you through it.”

You do whatever gets you through it. Dana Ransons

Given that October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, even more loss parents are publicly grieving their past and present losses. And despite the few negative comments left on Teigen and Legend’s social media pages, it’s clear that the couple’s willingness to publicize their pain is for a greater good.

Read more from Yahoo Life: Chrissy Teigen and John Legend receive condolences after heartbreaking pregnancy loss

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