Earlier this month, Teigen and her husband John Legend confirmed that their third child had died pre-term in hospital. The couple spoke of their 'deep loss' as they shared heartbreaking pictures from the hospital to chronicle their experience.
After taking an understandable month break from social media to process these initial stages of grief, Teigen returned on Tuesday evening (October 28). Before resuming with the cooking videos fans love following her for, Teigen thanked her followers for their kind messages and words of late. She also took the opportunity to speak openly about her grief, noting that she knew she had to address it before she could 'move on from this and return back to life'.
The TV presenter confirmed what had happened to the 20-week-old baby, explaining that prior to losing Jack she was losing a lot of blood and her placenta was weak (she was diagnosed with a partial placenta abruption).
'It was time to say goodbye. He just wouldn't survive this and if it went on any longer I might not either,' Teigen wrote in the essay.
I didn’t know how to come back to real life so I wrote this piece for Medium with hopes that I can somehow move on but as soon as I posted it, tears flew out because it felt so....final. I don’t want to ever not remember jack. . . Thank you to everyone who has been so kind. Thank you to the incredible doctors who tried so hard to make our third life a reality. Thank you to my friends and family and our entire household for taking care of me through all the adult diaper changes, bed rest and random hugs. Thank you John for being my best friend and love of my life. A lot of people think of the woman in times like this but I will never forget that john also suffered through these past months, while doing everything he could to take care of me. I am surrounded, in a human therapy blanket of love. I am grateful and healing and feel so incredibly lucky to witness such love.
A post shared by chrissy teigen (@chrissyteigen) on Oct 27, 2020 at 2:01pm PDT
'I cried a little at first, then went into full blown convulsions of snot and tears, my breath not able to catch up with my own incredibly deep sadness. Even as I write this now, I can feel the pain all over again. Oxygen was placed over my nose and mouth, and that was the first picture you saw. Utter and complete sadness.'
We are shocked and in the kind of deep pain you only hear about, the kind of pain we’ve never felt before. We were never able to stop the bleeding and give our baby the fluids he needed, despite bags and bags of blood transfusions. It just wasn’t enough. . . We never decide on our babies’ names until the last possible moment after they’re born, just before we leave the hospital. But we, for some reason, had started to call this little guy in my belly Jack. So he will always be Jack to us. Jack worked so hard to be a part of our little family, and he will be, forever. . . To our Jack - I’m so sorry that the first few moments of your life were met with so many complications, that we couldn’t give you the home you needed to survive. We will always love you. . . Thank you to everyone who has been sending us positive energy, thoughts and prayers. We feel all of your love and truly appreciate you. . . We are so grateful for the life we have, for our wonderful babies Luna and Miles, for all the amazing things we’ve been able to experience. But everyday can’t be full of sunshine. On this darkest of days, we will grieve, we will cry our eyes out. But we will hug and love each other harder and get through it.
A post shared by chrissy teigen (@chrissyteigen) on Sep 30, 2020 at 8:58pm PDT
Teigen explained how she knew she wanted her experience in the hospital to be documented with pictures, taken by her husband.
'I knew I needed to know of this moment forever, the same way I needed to remember us kissing at the end of the aisle, the same way I needed to remember our tears of joy after Luna and Miles. And I absolutely knew I needed to share this story.'
Phew I just had a full on panic attack of more tear snot just knowing anyone read this. I’ve missed you all terribly. pic.twitter.com/A38rDfyms3
— chrissy teigen (@chrissyteigen) October 27, 2020
The model gave an update on to how she has been doing over the past few weeks, detailing the unpredictable nature of grief explaining how she finds herself 'randomly crying', but then motioning into 'gut laughing' at an Instagram post and feeling happy for the two 'wonderful' children she has, Luna and Miles.
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