A day to celebrate squirrels and hugs, obviously
HUGS AND SQUIRRELS
Less than two and a half years have passed since the evening in October 2017 when Manchester City squeaked past Wolves on penalties in the Rumbelows Cup, but in case the match has slipped your mind here’s a reminder of the key incidents: a squirrel ran on the pitch, did a fair bit of squeaking past Wolves itself, and eventually had to be captured by groundstaff, who had previously and unsuccessfully attempted to literally sweep it away with a broom. Also, there were some penalties.
That squirrel, readers, was a bushy-tailed beauty. A fluffy-bellied acorn-obsessive of the most endearing sort. If forced to compare it with, say, the squirrel that interrupted the Arsenal v Villarreal Big Cup quarter-final of 2006, it was far more impressive of tail and also, in our humble opinion, attitude, even if it lacked the catchy nickname (Highbury’s rodent having been instantly christened Squirrel Regis). In 2013 a match between QPR and Leicester was held up by a pitch-invading squirrel, which presumably hadn’t been informed that the Foxes no longer play at Filbert Street (a filbert being an archaic word for a hazelnut, you see). And anyway they were playing away, which further hindered its pursuit of nuts but, on the positive side, at least allowed the critter to be named the Loftus Rodent.
Related: Beating Chelsea is essential for Arsenal’s top-four hopes, says Mikel Arteta
Today is a great day to share a squirrel story or two, because it’s International Squirrel Appreciation Day. Happy International Squirrel Appreciation Day everyone! Except to whoever decided to hold it while a good number of squirrels are hibernating, which seems the kind of wilfully unkind act that only a squirrel non-appreciator would consider.
Also today: International Hugging Day. Hugs have even more footballing associations than squirrels. Everybody’s at it, with varying results. As Damien Duff once said of then-Chelsea manager José Mourinho: “I was coming into the tunnel and he saw me and gave me a hug. He said a couple of words into my ear and I went out there and had probably the best half of football I had all season.” Which was probably not Mourinho’s intention, given that Duff was playing for Fulham against Chelsea at the time. Mourinho once spoke about a hug he shared with Frank Lampard’s Frank Lampard after the 2005 Carling Cup final. “This looks like a hug, but it’s more,” he cooed. “This is a hug that shows we trust each other. Without words he’s saying to me ‘Thanks’ and I’m saying to him ‘Thanks’.” This is rather a lot for a simple squeeze to communicate, but that’s why hugs are good enough to deserve a day.
Six Premier League games will be played on Tuesday night, and we are more likely to see hugs than squirrels. The Fiver certainly recommends them to all readers, and not only on International Hugging Day. Just remember to ask for permission.
LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE
Join Simon Burnton from 8.15pm GMT for hot MBM coverage of Chelsea 2-1 Arsenal.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“I’m sorry that the result made you cry. We promise that from now until the end we will have a great championship and you will smile with us again. We are waiting for you at the stadium. A big hug” – Napoli’s Lorenzo Insigne apologises to a nine-year-old after the team’s 2-0 home defeat by Fiorentina made the boy burst into tears.
FIVER LETTERS
“Continuing on the Alan Pardew/Ghostbusters riff (yesterday’s Fiver), will ADO Den Haag appoint a female manager in 30 years’ time, who does a perfectly serviceable job before being hounded out by an army of inexplicably angry keyboard warriors?” – Tom Atkins.
“As a Crystal Palace fan, yesterday’s Fiver evoked some fond memories of one of the greatest moments in my team’s long history, and indeed the earliest football thing from my own lifetime I can properly remember – the 1990 FA Cup final. As well as a couple of hundred words on ghostbustin’ Pards, the letter o’ the day was written by David Madden, either a namesake of the man who came on as a substitute in both the first match and the replay or perhaps (I can dream) the man himself. More recently, Jason Puncheon’s goal in the 2016 final was one of the most joyous moments I have ever experienced in football, only to be shot to pieces 10 seconds later – the mere sight of Pardew dancing on the sideline made it inevitable Palace were going to lose. For ADO’s sake, let’s hope he forgot to pack his dancing shoes” – Ed Taylor.
“Bet this is the only missive you get regarding Pardew that is not 100% negative. As a Baggie, I too was dismayed that his few months in charge turned out so badly. Players are influenced by the media so he had challenges in the dressing room from the off. And, worse, he was trying to overcome Pulisball, which most of us hated. His big mistake was thinking he could do that without any new players (no money, which continues to dog the future despite our revived fortunes). I wish him well” – Peter Hehir.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our letter o’the day is … Tom Atkins, who wins a copy of Death is a Laff Riot, by Fiver reader Robi Polgar.
RECOMMENDED LOOKING
It’s David Squires on … Nigel Pearson’s Watford resurrection. You can get your own copy here.
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
Right this way for the latest Football Weekly podcast.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
The family of Emiliano Sala, who died in a plane crash a year ago, have claimed his death was preventable and called for air investigators to speed up their inquiry.
Sheffield United’s ownership battle appears to be over after Kevin McCabe was told there were “no good grounds” to appeal against a high court decision which forces him to sell to Prince Abdullah.
La Liga head honcho Javier Tebas, who is desperate to play Spanish league games in the USA! USA!! USA!!!, has had a pop at Fifa. “Sadly … they are now talking about Club World Cups and having that every two years. This can’t happen,” he honked, polishing his brass neck.
Newcastle have signed Schalke midfielder Nabil Bentaleb on loan for the season, with an option to make it permanent. “I think it’s the perfect move for me,” he trilled.
Liverpool have told Roma and Sevilla to sling their hooks after both came sniffing around Anfield looking to borrow Xherdan Shaqiri.
Manchester United are “on the right track”, according to Ole and his wheel.
Javier Hernández has landed on his feet after swapping Sevilla reserves for LA Galaxy, where he has become the highest-paid player in MLS. “It was the right time, right opportunity,” he trousered.
And Ipswich Town’s James Norwood has explained how he lobbed rocks at his own car after locking himself out because, apparently, it was the best option. “It’s a big fine for being late [to training] so it was cheaper to smash a window,” he reasoned.
STILL WANT MORE?
The nature of their defeat at Liverpool demonstrates how Manchester United are sleepwalking into mediocrity, reckons footballing brain in a jar Jonathan Wilson.
Chelsea’s WSL shellacking of Arsenal was a triumph of the collective, writes Suzanne Wrack.
Paul Wilson agrees with Pep and declares: it’s time to scrap the Milk Cup.
Transfer rumours: the Mill’s got ‘em.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!
