'Family can be lots of things.' Online tool helps homeless youth make connections

The Family Day holiday is an opportunity for families to spend time together, but not for those who are estranged from their parents, children or other loved ones.

Eva's Initiatives for Homeless Youth, a Toronto non-profit agency, has helped hundreds of GTA families reunite under challenging circumstances via its Family Reconnect program. And now it's making an online version of the program available to counsellors, parents and youth.

The online took kit is based on the lessons learnt by agency staff through its regular, in-person program.

The agency's director of marketing and communications, Andrea Gunraj, spoke to CBC Radio's Metro Morning on Monday about the tool and the importance of broadening the definition of family.

Piya Chattopadhyay: What are some of the lessons that have been applied to the toolkit?

Andrea Gunraj: The Family Reconnect program is really wonderful in terms of bringing families together, looking at family in a really diverse way. So one of the things that we've learnt and implemented along the way is that family can mean different things to different people, and that young people can define what family means to them. Of course that can be parents and guardians, but it can also be people like aunts and uncles, community members and mentors, people who are really important to those young people. And we found that those family connections, when you strengthen those and make those healthier, that it can make somebody less at risk of homelessness and reduce the harms of homelessness that they might be experiencing.

PC: Some youth at risk or homeless might say, 'my family are the people I live with on the streets, that my biological family, my traditional family, isn't my family.' How important is it from where you stand that there's a connection back to the biological family?

AG: Biological family is of course an important part of many people's life, but as you said, family can be lots of things. It can be blended, it can be extended, it can be biological or not. So really it's important for people to have family networks of some kind, that's really what we aim to strengthen. So yes it could be the biological family, it could be people who are just really important to this young person's life and will help them be safe and stay safe in a situation where their home is precarious, where perhaps they are struggling with housing. So that's really important, to get that definition from the young person themself and build on it.

PC: [Reads a testimonial from a parent who reconnected with her son through the Family Reconnect program.] My 18-year-old son's lack of ambition, drug use and poor choice of friends were key stressors in our family. I took sleeping pills every night and I cried often. I placed the phone by my bed so I could answer it when or if he would call at times when he was out all night.

Your program has brought that mother and son together. How did they do that?

AG: The first thing that the counselor did was really wonderful, went to that home and did a session in their living room, and that accessibility made it easy as possible and as non-threatening as possible, so that was the first step. And in the process of talking with this mother and this son, there was a sense that the son should get tested for autism and in the testing process found that he was dealing with Asperger's syndrome, and that it was really important for him to get support and treatment for that. In the process of getting that knowledge, the two of them were able to communicate better, connect better, be able to work through their problems and issues better. So really, that knowledge was so essential for them to avoid this homelessness, this back and forth on the streets and at home. So really it was a tailored approach and it was made as accessible as possible to that family."

PC: And it's a lot more complex than the two of us not getting along. There's a lot at play here.

AG: Absolutely.

PC: Many homeless youth leave for myriad reasons: abuse, neglect. And sometimes some of them feel that they are better off on their own, even if it means on the street, that the past living situation was so awful that this is better. What do you say to someone like that who thinks they are better off on their own?

AG: Certainly the research shows that family conflict is one of the main reasons why young people do leave home, and that could be tied to very serious issues. And the important part is for some level of family network in that person's life. So even in those situations where a young person can't return home, it's not safe or they don't feel comfortable or don't feel accepted, it's still important to mine through the relationships and be able to strengthen whatever networks are in place, that are healthy and that are safe. And that it's a matter of finding those relationships, strengthening them. Even if a person can't return home, maybe those relationships will still help them stay housed and safe in the community in another housing situation.

PC: What about the parents, the caregivers, the guardians who just don't know how to contact their children? Their children have left, and they also feel that even if they could contact them, that there's really nothing left to say to change that relationship, that there's nothing they can do?

AG: The Family Reconnect program very much works with youth and families, so many times it's the young person who is saying, 'I'd be very much interested in speaking to this family member or that family member, but I need it to be safe, I need support to do that, I need a safe space for us to have that connection.' And that's what this program is so brilliant at creating, a safe pocket where people can get together and open up that dialogue to the degree that people feel comfortable, not forcing, not creating expectations that are not realistic, but trying to create a dynamic where they can move forward, whether or not they go back home. It can also be something where people are in the community and have their own housing, but that family network makes them feel less isolated and supported while they're out there.

PC: Short of a reunion, so to speak, what do you hope people take away from the took kit that you're sharing online?

AG: I think it's really important for people to know that they are not alone. Today is a day where we celebrate family, and sometimes I think that can make us feel as though families have to have it all together and have to have the solution on their own, and that's just not the case. People sometimes need help and support. So there are supports out there. Eva's Family Reconnect program is one, there are many supports out there. So I would encourage people to just realize that there are spaces that they can go for support and they are welcome there.