Chrissy Teigen pens heartfelt essay on pregnancy loss, explains why she asked John Legend to take photos

Chrissy Teigen is "ready" to talk about her pregnancy loss.

In September, Teigen, 34, announced in a series of emotional hospital room photos on Instagram that she and her husband John Legend, 41, lost their unborn son, three days after Teigen was hospitalized for bleeding issues.

On Tuesday, the model and TV personality got even more candid about the heartbreaking experience, describing it in detail in a Medium essay and sharing how she's coped since.

"It feels right to begin with a thank you," she wrote. "Social media messages from strangers have consumed my days, most starting with, 'you probably won’t read this, but…'. I can assure you, I did."

Teigen described how her pregnancy loss involved an induced delivery of her 20-week-old son and revealed that she was diagnosed with a partial placenta abruption, which caused her to bleed.

"We monitored it very closely, hoping for things to heal and stop," she wrote. "In bed, I bled and bled, lightly but all day, changing my own diapers every couple of hours when the blood got uncomfortable to lay in."

Though Teigen said she hoped to "get the little dude to 28 weeks, a 'safer' zone for the fetus," her doctor told her after a couple nights in the hospital that "it was time to say goodbye."

"He just wouldn’t survive this, and if it went on any longer, I might not either," she added. "Late one night, I was told it would be time to let go in the morning. I cried a little at first, then went into full blown convulsions of snot and tears, my breath not able to catch up with my own incredibly deep sadness. Even as I write this now, I can feel the pain all over again. Oxygen was placed over my nose and mouth, and that was the first picture you saw. Utter and complete sadness."

Despite her sadness, Teigen wrote that she asked her mother, Vilailuck Teigen, as well as her husband to take pictures documenting the experience, "no matter how uncomfortable it was." She later posted the emotional photos on Instagram, along with her announcement.

"I explained to a very hesitant John that I needed them, and that I did NOT want to have to ever ask," she wrote of the pictures. "He hated it. I could tell. It didn’t make sense to him at the time. But I knew I needed to know of this moment forever, the same way I needed to remember us kissing at the end of the aisle, the same way I needed to remember our tears of joy after Luna and Miles. And I absolutely knew I needed to share this story."

She also shared a message for those criticizing her for posting images of such a private moment.

"I cannot express how little I care that you hate the photos," she continued. "How little I care that it’s something you wouldn’t have done. I lived it, I chose to do it, and more than anything, these photos aren’t for anyone but the people who have lived this or are curious enough to wonder what something like this is like. These photos are only for the people who need them. The thoughts of others do not matter to me."

Chrissy Teigen, John Legend suffer pregnancy loss: 'On this darkest of days, we will grieve'

Since her pregnancy loss, Teigen wrote that she finds herself "randomly crying" — both tears of joy for the love she has for her two children, Luna, 4, and Miles, 2, as well as tears of anger at herself.

Chrissy Teigen's openness about pregnancy loss gives strength to women in similar situations

"I feel bad our grief was so public because I made the joy so public," she added. "I was excited to share our news with the world. Stories leading up to this had been chronicled for all. It’s hard to look at them now. I was so positive it would be okay. I feel bad that I made you all feel bad. I always will."

She capped off her essay by thanking her fans for letting her share her story with them.

"I wrote this because I knew for me I needed to say something before I could move on from this and return back to life, so I truly thank you for allowing me to do so," she wrote. "Jack will always be loved, explained to our kids as existing in the wind and trees and the butterflies they see. Thank you so much to every single person who has had us in their thoughts or gone as far as to send us your love and stories. We are so incredibly lucky."

Chrissy Teigen says she feels 'really good' after being hospitalized amid 'scary' pregnancy

This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Chrissy Teigen reveals why she shared pregnancy loss photos in moving essay