These Hilarious Jokes Are Just What You Need for a Wickedly-Funny Halloween
Halloween night is finally here! And you're likely spending some time brushing up on the history of the holiday or working on throwing a party complete with delicious Halloween themed desserts and drinks. But if you're looking for a fun what to get the whole family in the spooky mood, that a look at these absolutely hilarious Halloween jokes.
Think of it as the perfect ice breaker for any costume party or even a way to entertain the kids while you all decorate some truly fa-boo-lous pumpkins. Weave in a few of these knock-knock jokes and riddles into the conversation at your upcoming trunk or treat event and you’re sure to leave everyone laughing until they’re blue in the face. If dad jokes are more your style of humor, we have few of those as well. You can even add in a few puns or dress up in one of these hilariously punny costumes to really drive home the funny on Halloween night.
The key to unlocking a wickedly-funny Halloween is at your fingertips with these funny Halloween jokes and one-liners.
Funny Halloween Trick-or-Treat Jokes
Why didn't the mom let the little witch go trick or treating with her friends? She was ex-spelled from school.
What is white, black and dead all over? A zombie trick or treating in a tuxedo.
When do zombies finish trick or treating? When they are dead tired.
Why shouldn't an angry witch take her broom trick or treating? She might fly off the handle.
How do ghosts do their makeup before they go out trick or treating? They use vanishing cream.
What do vampires take to get around on Halloween night? A blood vessel.
Why did the skeleton run away? Because a dog was after his bones.
How did the skeleton know it was going to rain on Halloween? He felt it in his bones.
How did the zombie become great a trick or treating? Dead-ication.
What is a vampire's favorite halloween candy? A sucker.
How does a witch know the best time to go trick or treating? She checks her witch watch.
What is a monster's favorite halloween candy? Bugs and (Hershey's) kisses.
Why didn't anyone want to go trick or treating with Dracula? Because he is a pain in the neck.
Why don't skeletons like Halloween candy? They don't have the stomach for it.
What kind of car does Frankenstein drive on Halloween night? A monster truck.
What do birds give to trick or treaters? Tweets.
Where do ghosts like to trick or treat? At dead ends.
Who gives Dracula the most candy on Halloween? His fang-club.
What is a ghoul's favorite candy flavor? Lemon and slime.
Why don't vampires eat a lot of Halloween candy? They're afraid of tooth decay.
What is a baby ghost's favorite game to play on Halloween? Peek-a-boo.
What did the child say when they had to choose between their tricycle and candy? Trike or treat.
What does a turkey dress up as on Halloween? A goblin.
Who does a werewolf go trick or treating with? His cousins What wolf and When wolf.
Where do werewolves store all of their Halloween candy? In a werehouse.
What do birds say on Halloween? "Trick or tweet!"
Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no-body to go with.
Where do ghosts buy their Halloween candy? At the ghost-ery store!
What do owls say when they go trick or treating? "Happy Owl-ween!"
What do ghosts give out to trick or treaters? Booberries!
Who did Frankenstein go trick or treating with? His ghoul friend.
What Halloween candy is never on time for the party? Choco-LATE!
What do witches put on to go trick or treating? Mas-scare-a.
What does Bigfoot say when he asks for candy? "Trick-or-feet!"
Which type of pants do ghosts wear to trick or treat? Boo jeans.
What makes trick or treating with twin witches so challenging? You never know which witch is which!
What happens when a vampire tries to trick or treat in the snow? Frost bite!
What do you call two witches trick or treating together? Broommates
Hilarious Halloween Knock-Knock Jokes
Knock, Knock! Who's there? Ghost says! Ghost says who? No, ghost says boo!
Knock, Knock! Who's there? Woo! Woo who? Yeah, I'm excited for Halloween too!
Knock, Knock! Who's there? Frank! Frank who? Frankenstein.
Knock, Knock! Who's there? Essen! Essen who? Essen it fun to listen to Halloween jokes.
Knock, Knock! Who's there? Fozzie! Fozzie who? Fozzie hundredth time, trick or treat!
Knock, Knock! Who's there? Iran! Iran who? Iran over here to get some Halloween candy.
Knock, Knock! Who's there? Justin! Justin who? Justin time for Halloween.
Knock, Knock! Who's there? Al! Al who? Al exchange Twizzlers for Skittles.
Knock, Knock! Who's there? Diane! Diane who? I'm Diane to eat my Halloween candy.
Knock, Knock! Who's there? Canoe! Canoe who? Canoe please give me more candy.
Knock, Knock! Who's there? Imogen! Imogen who? Imogen Halloween without trick or treating.
Knock Knock? Who's there? Figs! Figs who? Figs your doorbell so I can stop knocking!
Knock, Knock! Who's there? Wooden shoe. Wooden shoe who? Wooden shoe like to give me more candy.
Knock, Knock! Who's there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad it's Halloween.
Knock, Knock! Who's there? Spell. Spell who? Okay, W-H-O.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Norway. Norway who? Norway I will leave until I get candy!
Knock, Knock! Who's there? Gladys. Gladys who? Gladys Halloween.
Knock, Knock! Who's there? Tyson. Tyson who? Tyson garlic around your neck to keep the vampires away.
Knock, Knock! Who's there? Aida. Aida who? Aida whole bag of candy.
Knock, Knock! Who's there? Felix. Felix who? Felix-cited about Halloween.
Knock, Knock! Who’s there? Handsome. Handsome who? Handsome candy to me.
Knock, Knock! Who’s there? Havana. Havana who? Havana awesome time this Halloween.
Knock, Knock! Who’s there? Howl. Howl who? Howl you dress up for Halloween this year?
Knock, Knock! Who’s there? Omar. Omar who? Omar gosh, that’s a cool costume.
Knock, Knock! Who’s there? Robin. Robin who? Robin your candy jar.
Knock, Knock! Who’s there? Hutch. Hutch who? Bless you.
Knock, Knock! Who’s there? Eddie. Eddie Who? Eddie body home? It’s Halloween!
Knock, Knock! Who's there? Boo! Boo who? Don't cry … it's just my Halloween costume!
Knock, Knock! Who's there? Witch! Witch who? Witch one of you will give me lots of Halloween candy?
Knock, Knock! Who's there? Phillip! Phillip who? Phillip my bag with Halloween candy, please!
Knock Knock! Who’s there? Dishes! Dishes who? Dishes a very Halloween bad joke!
Knock Knock! Who’s there? Olive! Olive who? Olive your Halloween costume!
Knock Knock! Who’s there? Bee! Bee who? Bee-ware, there’s a full moon this Halloween!
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Butter! Butter who? Butter open quick, I have a funny Halloween joke to tell you!
Knock Knock! Who’s there? Fangs! Fangs who? Fangs for letting me in!
Knock Knock! Who’s there? Hans! Hans who? Hans off my candy!
Knock, Knock. Who's there? Ivana! Ivana Who? Ivana suck your blood!
Knock, Knock. Who’s there? Ben! Ben who? Ben waiting for Halloween all year!
Cute Halloween Food Jokes
What is a zombie's favorite kind of food? Brain food.
What is a ghost's favorite kind of drink? Ghoul-aid.
What did the skeleton bring to the dinner party? Spare-ribs.
Why did the scarecrow decline dessert? He was already stuffed.
What does a little witch use to bake? An easy bake coven.
What does a ghost put on his turkey? Grave-y.
How do monsters prepare their eggs? Terror-fried.
What is a monster's favorite cheese? Munster.
What kind of cereal does a ghost have for breakfast? Rice Creepies.
What is Dracula's favorite cake flavor? Vein-ella.
Where do ghosts shop for all of their meals? The ghostery store.
How does the scarecrow like to drink his milk? With a straw.
Where does a vampire eat his lunch? In the casketeria.
What is a zombie's least favorite candy? Life Savers.
Why do skeletons love to drink milk? It's good for the bones.
What is a skeleton's favorite snack? A cinnabone.
What does a werewolf eat for breakfast? A pooched egg.
Who do monsters buy their cookies from? Ghoul scouts.
Why was all of the food gone at the end of the Halloween party? Everyone was a goblin.
What is a zombie's favorite kind of bean? A human bean.
What is a scarecrow's favorite fruit? A straw-berry.
How do you spell candy with only two letters? C and Y.
Why couldn't the coffee bean go to the Halloween party? It was grounded.
Why don't witches like Starbucks coffee? They prefer to brew their own.
Why don't monsters eat popcorn with their fingers? They eat fingers separately.
What is a mummy's favorite thing to eat for lunch? A chicken wrap.
What’s a ghost’s favorite dessert? I scream.
What does the skeleton chef say when he serves you a meal? "Bone Appetit!"
What is a vampire's favorite fruit? A neck-tarine!
What do witches put on their bagels? Scream cheese.
What do ghosts eat for dinner? Spook-ghetti!
What do skeletons order at restaurants? Spare ribs.
What does a panda ghost eat? Bam-BOO!
What tops off a mummy’s ice cream sundae? Whipped scream.
What’s a ghost's favorite yogurt flavor? Boo-berry!
What’s a vampire’s least favorite meal? A steak!
Why was the candy corn booed off the stage? All of his jokes were too corny!
Comical Halloween Monster Jokes
What position does a ghost play in hockey? Ghoulie.
How do you turn the lights out on Halloween night? Use the lights witch.
What is in a ghost’s nose? Boo-gers.
What do you call a skeleton who never does his chores? Lazy bones.
What did one ghost say to the other? Do you believe in humans?
How do ghosts send letters? Through the ghost office.
What does a ghost call a mistake? A boo boo.
What do ghosts dress up in on Halloween? Pillowcases.
What do you call two spiders that were just married? Newley webbed.
What did a zombie tell the other? Get a life!
What do you call two married spiders? The newly webs.
Why did the witch take a nap? She needed to rest a spell.
Where do ghost parents take baby ghosts? Day-scare.
What transportation does a skeleton take? A skelecopter.
Why did the Headless Horseman apply to college? He wanted to get ahead in life.
Why are skeletons always so relaxed? Nothing gets under their skin.
What is a monster's favorite game? Hide and shriek.
Why did the skeleton quit his job? His heart was not in it.
What kind of dog does a vampire have? A bloodhound.
Why didn't the zombie go to school? He felt rotten.
What made the witch go to the hospital? She had a dizzy spell.
How do you know a mummy caught a cold? It starts coffin.
Why did the ghost cancel his comedy show? He didn't want to get booed.
What is a witch's favorite subject? Spelling.
Where do ghosts like to go swimming? The Dead Sea.
What monster is the best dancer? The Boogie Man.
Where can a monster get a tattoo? At Monster's Ink.
Why don't mummies have any friends? They're too wrapped up in themselves.
What do you call an observant wolf? Awarewolf.
What happened to the cannibal who was late to dinner? They gave him the cold shoulder.
Why did the baby ghost cry? He missed his mummy.
Who won the skeleton beauty pageant? No-body.
What did Dracula say about his wife? It was love at first bite.
Where do ghosts love to vacation? Mali-boo.
Why did the ghost get a ticket on Halloween? He didn't have a haunting license.
What did Frankenstein say when he woke up from his nap? I had a shocking dream.
What is a vampire's favorite fruit? A blood orange.
What do mummies listen to on Halloween? Wrap music.
How do you make a skeleton laugh? You tickle his funny bone!
Which Halloween monster is good at math? Count Dracula!
Why did the Cyclops give up teaching? He only had one pupil!
Why didn't the skeleton go to see a scary movie? He didn't have the guts.
What did the boy ghost say to the girl ghost? "You sure are boo-tiful!"
Where does Dracula keep his money? In a blood bank.
Why are ghosts terrible liars? You can see right through them!
Why don’t mummies take vacations? They’re afraid to unwind.
What is a vampire's favorite holiday, besides Halloween? Fangs-giving!
Where do fashionable ghosts shop? Bootiques!
What’s a monster’s favorite play? Romeo and Ghouliet!
What room does a ghost not need? A living room.
What monster plays tricks on Halloween? Prank-enstein!
Why is a cemetery the best place to write a story? Because it has so many plots!
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