Judge tosses Lenny Dykstra libel lawsuit because Dykstra is such a monster you can’t legally libel him

Coleman Bentley

Lenny Dykstra is “racist, misogynist, and anti-gay." He’s a “sexual predator,” “drug-abuser,” and “thief.” He has used steroids and blackmailed umpires. He has been found guilty of “fraud, embezzlement, grand theft, and lewd conduct.” These aren’t our words or allegations. They’re those of the honorable judge Robert D. Kalish, who recently threw out Dykstra’s lawsuit against his former teammate Ron Darling on the grounds that Dykstra is literally too awful to even libel.

Apparently there is hope for the U.S. Justice system yet.

Dykstra’s lawsuit stemmed from Darling’s recent autobiography, ‘108 Stitches’, in which Darling alleges Dykstra hurled racial slurs at Red Sox pitcher Dennis “Oil Can” Boyd before Boyd took the mound during the 1986 World Series. A fairly serious accusation, even by today’s plummeting deceny standards, but according to Kalish, not serious enough to tarnish Dykstra’s already very tarnished name.

“Given the aforesaid litany of stories concerning Dykstra’s poor and mean-spirited behavior particularly toward various groups including racial minorities, women, and the LGBTQ community,” declared Kalish, ”this Court finds that, as a matter of law, the reference cannot “induce an evil opinion of [Dykstra] in the minds of right-thinking persons” or “deprive him of their friendly intercourse in society,” as that “evil opinion” has long existed.”

But if you thought Nails was going to take all this lying down, you obviously don’t know much about the guy who once beat up the Bagel Boss. On Monday, Dykstra fired back from the side of a highway after his Uber was rear ended (tough week for poor Lenny across the board), alleging conspiracy and vowing vengeance and probably a few other things that we couldn’t quite interpret. Check out Part A and B of his retort below.

Getcha popcorn ready, folks. If Dykstra's aforementioned track record is any indication, this is far from over.

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