23 Funny Tweets By Women That Made Me, A Fellow Woman, Laugh So Hard I Got A Stomach Cramp
The 2024 Paris Olympics are still in full swing, and quite frankly I don't care about anything else rn.
Meetings? Girl, I’m watching the Olympics have some decency.
— Brianne Alexander (@briannenicolee) July 29, 2024
But, if you need a break from witnessing athletic greatness for a few seconds, here are the funniest tweets by women this week:
(Make sure to follow all these funny ladies on Twitter!)
1.
accidentally became important at work n its ruining my life
— kanoa (@ih4tedrugs) July 30, 2024
2.
Nobody cheats like skinny guys. Those pencils wanna write in every book.
— mine? (@halalboozee) July 31, 2024
3.
will never understand how people can use someone having cats as an insult like ohhh noooo there are small adorable fluffy creatures crawling around my house who love me and want to sleep on my head every night🤨
— bug girl (@buggirl) July 30, 2024
4.
Shazam but for the name of the person who literally just introduced themself to me
— cosmic cowgirl 🪩🤠 (@blockhim2024) July 31, 2024
5.
waiting out the geography and sports categories at trivia night before locking in for arts and entertainment pic.twitter.com/xyxNP5Boeq
— gal kilmer (@beepupkin) July 31, 2024
Twitter: @beepupkin / NBC
6.
It's too late, I sat down in a comfy chair after work, go on without me
— meghan (@deloisivete) July 31, 2024
7.
Once the clothes are in the dryer, whatever is making that clunking noise is none of my business.
— Marissa 💚💛 (@michimama75) July 29, 2024
8.
Friend: any plans for the fall?Me: do you meant autumn or civilization?
— Cooper Lawrence (@CooperLawrence) July 28, 2024
9.
my dad "watching tv" any time after 8pm pic.twitter.com/hhcIkBDM84
— Hayley McGoldrick (@GoldieOnSports) July 29, 2024
Twitter: @GoldieOnSports / NBC
10.
If butter companies stopped printing the measurements on the wrapper I would literally not know what to do with myself
— Mommeh Dearest (@mommeh_dearest) July 29, 2024
11.
There’s a mirror in my parents’s house that could give body dysmorphia to a dog
— J (@yikingtons) July 29, 2024
12.
it’s wild to me that my body allows me to sleep on my neck wrong…like bro just adjust!
— taylor garron (@taylorgarron) July 29, 2024
13.
Turns out if you casually eat about 4 cups of cherries and then go for a brisk walk around the block, you probably won’t make that very important and critical home stretch to the bathroom without projectile pooping on every fiber of fabric covering your body
— Dr. Raven the Science Maven (@ravenscimaven) July 29, 2024
14.
therapy isn’t enough. I need a witch
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) July 30, 2024
15.
“do you want to go to the movies and see—” stop right there, baby, i don’t even need to know the film. i’m in. let’s split the bucket-size popcorn & the biggest diet coke money can buy
— Meg (@megannn_lynne) July 29, 2024
16.
i was arguing w this little girl on roblox cause she called me a dumb 12 year old so i told her im 25 why she say “girl go clock in” ok girl now im pissed
— 🧚🏼♀️ (@bbglyyss) July 29, 2024
17.
coworker: you are so lucky that you don’t have kidsme: that’s not luck that’s on purpose
— .:RiotGrlErin:. (@RiotGrlErin) July 28, 2024
18.
The kids were asking me what time they were all born and I said the youngest was born at 1:29am, and they all agreed that it must have been nice that she just came out while I was sleeping.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) July 30, 2024
19.
Why did no one tell me you could go to jury duty dressed for a yoga class? Because my dumbass showed up like I’m on an episode of Scandal.
— Jessica Marie Garcia (@JessMarieGarcia) July 29, 2024
20.
this country pisses me tf off but my god when the USA women’s gymnastics team is competing i caw at my TV screen like a bald eagle
— Kate Austin (she/her) (@KateAustin_) July 29, 2024
21.
quietly crying on the bus and group of teenage girls next to me have been having a conversation for 40 minutes that’s just naming foods and then all deciding whether or not that food is good. One just said “BLT.. bacon lettuce tomato” and her friend replied “yum, girl”
— rayne fisher-quann (@raynefq) July 29, 2024
22.
today, one of my 3 y/o students told me that his dad died. i teared up on the spot and gave him plenty of extra love/attention. my heart absolutely ached at the thought of him experiencing such a profound loss. guess who strolled in with a happy meal at pick-up time
— ray (@lobotomyze) August 1, 2024
23.
Why are there no bring your friend to work days so that they can see you have a serious job and do serious things for a living
— Salma (@lifeisasentence) July 28, 2024
Don't miss last week's funniest tweets by women:
21 Funny Tweets By Women That Made Me, A Fellow Woman, Keel Over With Laughter
