How long will feckless Joe Biden ignore the grave threat of sharks and electric boats?

Thank God for MY PRESIDENT, Donald J. Trump, the one presidential candidate with courage enough to confront the greatest twin threats of our time: sharks and electric boat batteries.

At a recent rally, Trump brought up the dilemma that’s keeping so many Americans who ride through shark-infested waters in battery-powered boats awake at night: “What would happen if the boat sank from its weight, and you’re in the boat and you have this tremendously powerful battery, and the battery is now underwater and there’s a shark that’s approximately 10 yards over there?”

It’s truly every electric-boat-using parent’s worst nightmare, assuming they don’t understand how boat batteries work and don't question why the shark that’s 10 yards over there wouldn’t also be getting electrocuted.

“Do I get electrocuted if the boat is sinking, water goes over the battery, the boat is sinking?” Trump smartly asked. “Do I stay on top of the boat and get electrocuted, or do I jump over by the shark and not get electrocuted?”

Unlike Trump, Biden doesn't care if you get eaten by a shark

These are not the kind of sensible, America-loving questions you hear from Sleepy Joe Biden. Does he even care about patriotic Americans like us, the ones who might one day be forced to choose between boat-battery electrocution or death by shark?

I doubt he cares at all. He’s too busy being both dementia-addled AND the devious mastermind of a global crime family while also turning our country into a banana republic by allowing the justice system to use a "jury" to find Trump “guilty” of “crimes.”

Obviously Trump is Jesus: Marjorie Taylor Greene compares Trump to Jesus. Which Bible is she reading?

No, you won’t hear one word from Biden about sharks or large boat batteries.

He’s either too busy being totally out of it due to severe mental decline OR carefully plotting an elaborate scheme to get his son convicted on federal gun charges so people think that the justice system is legitimate and that Trump’s recent 34-count conviction on New York felony charges wasn’t actually rigged.

President Joe Biden, seen here ignoring the important issue of sharks and boat batteries.
President Joe Biden, seen here ignoring the important issue of sharks and boat batteries.


Maybe for a change you could give a damn about the American people by making sure they aren’t dying of ocean electrocution or in the razor-toothed mouths of presumably electrocution-proof sharks!

Trump will surely protect us from battery electrocution and sharks

At the same rally where Trump addressed our nation’s shark/battery crisis – a speech many are saying was as good as, if not better than, President John F. Kennedy’s 1961 inaugural address – the man who made MAGA noted: “By the way, a lot of shark attacks lately, do you notice that? A lot of sharks. I watched some guys justifying it today. ‘Well, they weren’t really that angry, they bit off the young lady’s leg because of the fact that they were not hungry but they misunderstood who she was.’ These people are crazy. He said there’s no problem with sharks they just didn’t really understand a young woman swimming now who really got decimated and a lot of other people too, a lot of shark attacks.”

Indeed. All these shark attacks, combined with what I assume are innumerable instances of battery-powered boats sinking near sharks, have created a national catastrophe Biden is choosing to ignore.

It might seem as if shark attacks are on the rise after two recent attacks – less than two hours and 5 miles apart – left three people injured on Florida Panhandle beaches in June 2024. Worldwide, there were 69 unprovoked shark bites on humans in 2023, and 36 of them were in the United States. Two of the 36 were fatal: one in Hawaii, the other in California.

Questions abound when it comes to sinking electric-powered boats

There are so many questions. Why are the boats sinking, and why, as Trump mentioned, is there always a shark “approximately 10 yards” away?

Are these sharks working for the Democratic National Committee? Is the Biden Crime Family having communist China manufacture the boats that keep sinking under the weight of these batteries?

Hunter Biden convicted: Hunter Biden guilty verdict proves Trump's trial wasn't 'rigged'

And why does the electrical current stop mattering if the person jumps over by the shark?

Wouldn’t the boater who leaps overboard get both electrocuted AND eaten by the shark that, for some reason, is wholly unfazed by any electric current?

Another Biden term means certain death for electric-boat owners

And why have we never heard of the presumably thousands of people who are being electrocuted by boat batteries? Is this a cover-up by the fake news media?

With shark-lover Biden in office, we’ll surely never know. And unless Trump gets elected this fall, more and more Americans will have to answer the impossible question posed by the man we Republicans think should be leader of the free world: “Do I stay on top of the boat and get electrocuted, or do I jump over by the shark and not get electrocuted?”

Vote accordingly, folks. Otherwise, the sharks and the batteries win.

Follow USA TODAY columnist Rex Huppke on X, formerly Twitter, @RexHuppke and Facebook

You can read diverse opinions from our USA TODAY columnists and other writers on the Opinion front page, on X, formerly Twitter, @usatodayopinion and in our Opinion newsletter.

This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Trump wisely warns voters of the threat of sharks and electric boats