Mary J. Blige is opening up about her "horrible marriage" to ex Kendu Isaacs.
In Variety's new cover story about her upcoming film "Mudbound," Blige revealed the struggle she faced while filming the movie last summer as her marriage was clearly headed for divorce.
"I used a lot of my own heaviness from my own misery that I was living in that horrible marriage,” Blige recalled to Variety of how she approached her role of Florence. "I was just dying in it. I knew something was wrong. I just couldn’t prove it. I just had all the heaviness of not feeling right, not feeling good. I gave it to Florence."
Blige initially announced that she and Isaacs were getting divorced in June of 2016, after 12 years of marriage. And, though she knows that they weren't meant to be, she's still having a hard time overcoming the pain that came with her decision to split from Isaacs.
See photos of Mary J. Blige and Kendu Isaacs:
"I’m doing OK,” Blige said. "I’m living. I’m not happy about a lot of things. I thought someone loved me, right? Turns out, he was a con artist and he didn’t, and now he’s coming after me for all my money."
A judge ordered Blige to pay $30,000 a month in temporary spousal support to Isaacs.
"When you come out of something like that, you realize you were never the one," she continued. "There was someone else that was his queen. I got played. I got suckered. I have to keep smiling and keep my spirits up because this is designed to kill me."
Having to film "Mudbound" while she and Isaacs split wasn't an easy feat, and the "No More Drama" hitmaker revealed to Variety that the most difficult aspect of the 28-day filming process came in the movie's most intimate scenes.
"The hardest part was intimacy," she explained. "I was married. I never touched another man other than my husband. I was petrified: ‘Oh God. I don’t want to do it.’"
Director Dee Rees convinced her to go through with it and, ultimately, Blige's performance brought Rees to tears.
Upon its premiere at Sundance earlier this year, "Mudbound" garnered instantaneous award season buzz, so Mary J. Blige's strength in pushing through the pain of her life-shaking divorce has the possibility of bringing her something special: An Oscar.
"Mudbound" will hit Netflix and select theaters on Nov. 17.
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