Mental Wellness Loft in Leslieville is being forced out by its landlord
The Mental Wellness Loft, a free space in Toronto's Leslieville neighbourhood open to the public as a creative sanctuary from the stresses of everyday life, is being forced to close its doors.
The centre is also Shelley Marshall's home.
The artist, writer and mental wellness advocate, who suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder and stays inside for days a time due to anxiety, started afternoon drop-in sessions there earlier this year because it was her dream to create a space to help people just like her.
Participants can do yoga or paint, sing and dance, or just watch episodes of Nurse Jackie.
But now, the lease has expired and the landlord has asked everyone to leave.
Marshall's husband Jason renovated the stark white space on Carlaw Avenue himself. He started by building a stage (a must-have for his performer wife) with a lighting grid and sound system. Next was a bathroom and kitchen so the two of them could live there comfortably. Overall they spent $25,000 remodeling the space.
In just a few months Shelley Marshall says she has become extremely close with the "lofties," the regulars who attend the twice-a-week drop-ins. Officially the sessions end at 6 p.m. but often people will linger to eat a pot-luck dinner and watch movies until 10 p.m.
"It's only been a few months but I feel like I have a family."
'I feel broken'
But in late June, the dream came to an end. When the lease ran out the Marshalls were told they had six months to find a new home.
They were offered a similar-sized space for $1,000 more a month, but they would have to rebuild the interior and would be prohibited from living in it.
The owners told CBC Toronto they're asking residents to leave when their leases end to turn the entire building into a commercial space. Tenants will not be allowed to live in the units.
Shelley Marshall said the owners have every right to ask them to leave, but said that still doesn't soften the shock of the eviction.
"I'm the stupid one that didn't read my contract. I never thought anyone would do this to us. I feel very foolish and broken," said Marshall.
'Toronto is spitting me out'
When CBC Toronto first spoke to Marshall she was in Nova Scotia putting an offer on a house in Bear River, a small village about two hours outside of Halifax. She fell in love with the area after spending some time there last summer.
If the deal is successful the heritage home will be a new mental wellness centre.
"Toronto is spitting me out. We can't count on renting a place anymore and we certainly can't afford to buy a million-dollar loft."
A purpose
To keep the loft running Marshall raises money by touring with her one-woman show Hold Mommy's Cigarette, a play that advocates for suicide awareness. Marshall's father died by suicide when she was seven and she attempted suicide herself 17 years ago. It's her goal to get people talking openly about suicide and depression.
"It's not like I'm trying to go out and save someone's life, but to just be a vessel to guide them in a direction. It just gives me purpose and value," said the artist.
Marshall said she has hundreds of letters from people who have been positively affected by both the loft and her work.
Christina Walsh, who has dissociative identity disorder, said before the space opened up she had a hard time interacting with people on a daily basis.
"I've been in this area for 24 years and I've never in my life had a friend like Shelley," said Walsh who started going to the loft in March.
A call for help
Rachael Kriss, a transgender woman with borderline personality disorder, found out about the space from the Internet, and had started to spend her afternoons there. Kriss said she has had a string of bad experiences with the mental health system but the atmosphere at the Mental Wellness Loft was different.
"There's no judgement. I can be me," said Kriss.
On June 26, the same day Marshall was told about the eviction notice, Kriss showed up at the loft saying she felt suicidal. Marshall called three suicide hotlines but each one recommended she call the police, something she was trying to avoid doing because Kriss had had some bad experiences with police officers who had refused to accept her gender.
A Mobile Crisis Intervention Team, which includes the pairing of a specially trained police officer and a mental-health nurse, showed up and Marshall met them in the hall to tell them her concerns.
"I was looking for any sort of bias because she was trans. I was looking for that - I really was. And there was nothing. These officers were fantastic," said Marshall.
Kriss said it was the best experience she'd had with the police because they never questioned her gender.
"They were kind."
'I'm not ever going to stop'
If the Marshalls buy the house in Nova Scotia Shelley has a new dream of making enough money to fly her Toronto lofties out for regular retreats.
Kriss, who is on long term disability, said she is thinking of following the Marshalls out to the east coast.
"Shelley and the loft have kept me alive. It's kept me going," said Kriss.
For now the Mental Wellness Centre will keep hosting drop-ins until at least October. When asked if she'll have a final party at the loft Marshall lets out a big laugh and says "oh yeah."
"I'm not ever going to stop," says Marshall. "This isn't going to crush my dreams."
