As a mom of 14 kids, I'm often told there's no way I could handle so many children. Here's how I respond.
Karen Derrico has 14 children. Her family stars in "Doubling Down with the Derricos."
She says people often assume that she can't love all her kids and that her house must be a mess.
This is part of Insider's "Super mom? Super judged" series. Read more here.
This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Karen Derrico, whose family stars in the TLC show "Doubling Down with the Derricos." It has been edited for length and clarity.
When my husband, Deon, and I met, he asked me how many kids I wanted to have. I'd always loved being around children. I babysat frequently and worked in early-childhood education. I told Deon I wanted to have as many kids as God blesses me with.
God is really funny, because he decided to test me with that. First our family grew at a normal pace: We had Darian, now 17, then Derrick, now 12. Next we had the twins, Dallas and Denver, who are now 11. Then things got wild when I conceived quintuplets; Deniko, Dariz, Deonee, Daiten, and Daician are now 9.
Next, I conceived triplets. Diez and Dior are 6, but sadly their brother Carter died two hours after birth. We call Diez and Dior the "triplins," a combination of "twin" and "triplet." Then I had a set of living triplets; Dawsyn, De'Aren, and Dyver are 3. Along the way, I've had many miscarriages.
But I'm not done. The baby factory is still open, and at 43 years old, I'm sticking to what I told Deon originally: I'll have as many children as God blesses me with.
People love to criticize big families, and mine is no different. As a Black family with 14 children, we're especially vulnerable to accusations that I'm a bad mom. But I know I'm not. Here are five of the most common criticisms I get — and my responses.
You can't love all those kids
This is one of the most frequent and mystifying questions I get. People often say, "You can't love all those kids." Others say I might be able to love them but I can't give them all the one-on-one attention they need.
That's just not the case. Deon and I work from home and homeschool the kids. That gives us lots of time with our children. I'm able to find out at a very young age what each of my children loves to do — and then I nurture those passions.
For example, my oldest, Darian, is great with writing. When she was younger, she always had a notepad she was writing in, so I nurtured that talent. When she wrote stories, I read them all and put them on the refrigerator. I made sure that creative writing was available to her during our homeschool program. When she was in a traditional school, I made sure she could enroll in the creative writing class.
Now, she's 17 and has been accepted into the Tish Summer High School Dramatic Writing Program at New York University with a full scholarship. Only 24 students are chosen for this program, and she earned a spot.
That growth came from years of me nurturing her.
So when people say I can't love all these kids, I show them how I give them love. I find the things my kids are passionate about and then I bond with them over it.
The house must be chaotic
People expect my house to be noisy and messy, and when I hear that, I just laugh. My house is far from chaotic. People would be surprised by the calm atmosphere. God prepared me for this through my time as a preschool teacher. If I can keep a classroom in order, I can keep a home in order too.
I teach my kids to keep the house clean and organized. They all play a part. When they leave a room, they make sure they're leaving it clean. We hold them accountable.
I tell each of my children, "This is the first team you will ever be on." I tell them that one day they will be grown-ups living with friends or spouses, and they need to be well-equipped to take care of themselves.
We also stick to a strict schedule every day to keep the order. The children know when it's bedtime; I don't need to be yelling, "Go to bed. Go to sleep."
In our house, no one is screaming or hollering. I find joy in conquering the chaos by having a house that's tidy, organized, and efficient.
You must be overwhelmed
People have said, "Oh my gosh, I have two kids, and I'm stressed out. How do you do it?" Those people can't imagine having 15 kids because they're so overwhelmed with their own families. They assume I must be too.
But I created a schedule for myself that does not overwhelm me. I know my limits and my boundaries. I know when to delegate something to my husband or my kids.
Plus, most of my kids have an 8:30 p.m. bedtime every night. That leaves the entire night for myself to recharge. I can watch the TV I want, I can go for a walk, I can go to the gym, or I can go shopping at Target.
Let me tell you, I go to bed and sleep soundly. I'm not stressed out.
That's so harsh on your body
When I was pregnant with my last set of triplets, I had a nurse tell me I shouldn't have any more children.
But people don't understand that I have been blessed. I was 99 pounds when I conceived the quints, and yet I carried them to 32 weeks. That was two days longer than my doctor's goal for the pregnancy. I'm lucky that my body fares well when I'm growing new lives. I haven't experienced morning sickness, diabetes, or high blood pressure.
I love fruits and vegetables. I will eat them all day, every day. I don't eat much meat, and my OB-GYN said my healthy diet has helped me carry all these babies.
My body was made for this.
Black families are different
There are so many stereotypes about Black families: Dads are absent, or children aren't educated. Our family is proof that's not true. Deon and I have been together since 2001, and we have a great relationship. When we first met, we realized we both grew up in single-parent homes. We didn't want that for our children.
We're on the same page raising this family, which makes all the difference.
When I decided to feature my family on "Doubling Down with the Derricos," I wanted to share our story of faith, family, and love. Doing that lets us break down criticisms and judgments. I can show other people who dream of a large family that it's possible. I can talk openly about breastfeeding, miscarriage, stillbirth, and kids with health challenges. I can show a large, thriving Black family. And I hope that somewhere, someone will look up and see my message: If I can do it, you can too.
The fourth season of "Doubling Down with the Derricos" is set to air on May 30 on TLC.
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