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Mom of two writes open letter to women who 'mom shamed' her

A single mom wrote an open letter to two women who openly ‘mom shamed’ her and her sons while on the train. (Photo: Getty)
A single mom wrote an open letter to two women who openly ‘mom shamed’ her and her sons while on the train. (Photo: Getty)

“Every time you shot those filthy looks at me I held your gaze. I’m strong. I will not let people like you break me.”

Parenting is tough. Kelly Baker understands this just as much as any other parent, but she’s doing her best raising her kids as a single mom. That’s why she was shocked after two women openly “mom shamed” her one morning while she was on the train with her two sons.

“I’m not sure why you felt the need to do what you did but I want you to know that after you left the carriage my family was riding in I cried. I wept big, fat tears that plopped down onto the floor while my two sons did their best to comfort me,” Baker wrote in an open letter published on 9Honey. “My two sons who are 10 and 12. Little boys really, but little boys who clearly have more compassion, kindness and understanding than either of you.”

Baker says there were few seats left on the train, so her 12-year-old, a “big 12,” according to Baker, looked for a seat and spotted the only one next to the two women in question.

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Baker’s son looked for a seat and spotted the only one next to the women in question.<em> (Photo: Getty)</em>
Baker’s son looked for a seat and spotted the only one next to the women in question. (Photo: Getty)

“He’s clumsy and awkward and often seems to have no idea of what his arms and legs are up to,” wrote Baker, who said her son accidentally swung his school bag and hit the man opposite. “My boy, who has good manners and is quite possibly the sweetest child alive, apologized immediately and this stranger gave him a nod and told him not to worry.”

“But you weren’t happy with that. You were pretty disgusted on the whole and you needed me to know that. So you talked to one another about me and my boys and ‘kids these days.'”

The mom says that the two women began to criticize her mothering as well as her kids. They did so quietly, but were loud enough for her to hear.

“And in case I wasn’t getting that you both shot me looks of disdain – over and over and over,” Baker adds. “You ran your eyes over me – from head to toe – several times and then shared your thoughts. Which weren’t good.”

Baker says that when the women weren’t staring at her with their “lips curled” they took aim at her boys.

“I have been raising those two boys entirely alone since their father upped and walked when they were just three and four. I have no family and no support network. At all. Their father does the bare minimum,” she continues.

Baker works full time at a demanding, stressful job, and that morning she was taking her kids to the dentist. She said they missed their previous dental appointment as it was “booked by the boys’ dad – but he didn’t tell” her.

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Baker says she was doing her best to hold it together as she watched her kids play on their iPads. <em>(Photo: Getty)</em>
Baker says she was doing her best to hold it together as she watched her kids play on their iPads. (Photo: Getty)

The visit was expensive, she continues, close to $500, which will push her already overdrawn account to the limit.

And she forgot her wallet.

“Did you see that my boys were sharing a single McDonalds hash brown on the train? They shared because they only had $3.60 between them … not enough for one each,” she said. “There was certainly not enough money for me to buy a coffee, or even a bottle of water.” But she wanted them to have something since they were so well behaved at the dentist, which warmed her heart, since they’re both “deeply fearful” kids.

Baker says she was doing her best to hold it together as she watched her kids play on their iPads. She looked at them and wondered how she would get through another day of single parenting.

“And there you were. Letting me know how badly I was doing. Judging me and shaming me when all I was doing was my absolute best,” she wrote. “Every time you shot those filthy looks at me I held your gaze. I’m strong. I will not let people like you break me. But know that you came close. And know, that the next time you do something like this, you might choose someone who is doing it much tougher than me.”

Baker wants people to know what kind of effect “disdain and disgust” might have on someone, in particular an individual feeling more vulnerable than her. She concludes that parenting is tough and that many do their best while dealing with different pressures many may not know nothing about

“I hope your shopping trip/day out/movie was enjoyable. And that nobody ever makes you feel the way you did me.”

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