A mother has been hit with backlash after she invited her friends to her daughter’s wedding.
In a recent post shared to the popular “Am I The A**hole?” Reddit forum, the parent – who goes by the username u/VastGrapefruit7224 – asked if she was in the wrong for inviting her pals to the nuptials, which will take place towards the end of 2024. As she specified that she and her daughter have been “arguing”, she went on to give more context about the wedding, with claims that she’s paying for the entire thing and that her child is “pretty introverted”.
“[My daughter] doesn’t have a lot of friends she wants to invite. Her husband-to-be, on the other hand, is very extroverted and has a lot of people he would invite given the chance,” the mother wrote. “I thought it would be fair then that the bride’s side gets 30 invites and the groom’s side gets 30 invites as we are on a budget.”
She then explained that there was room for her to invite more people, after her child invited her own family and friends. The woman specified that between her and her husband, they had “13 people to invite,” before describing why she should get a say in who attends the wedding.
“To be honest, there was no leaving them out one way or the other as we have social obligations to invite them anyway,” the mother continued. “I feel as though since we are paying for this and are hosting it, we should get a say in who comes regardless.”
According to the Reddit poster, her daughter told her not to invite these people, with the bride specifying that she and “her fiancée should have first priority in who comes, and the spots should be dedicated to [the groom’s] friends”. The mother also said her daughter told her that “this is their wedding and not [her] class of 74 reunion”.
The parent doubled down on why she should have a say on who’s invited to the wedding, with claims that the groom’s family is “not financially contributing” to the wedding funds at all.
“It will reflect poorly on me if I don’t invite my and my husband’s people,” she wrote. “[My daughter’s] refusing to see my side and says that her fiancé being limited in his guests, and his parents only being allowed to invite two people because they aren’t in a place to contribute, is unfair.”
She then claimed that if she didn’t get to throw the party according to her “standard,” then she did “not want [her] name on it”. She continued to question if she should fund the wedding, given her child’s response to the invitations.
“They can do what they want, but I have half a mind to pull my money from the equation if they insist on not allowing who I want to be there,” she wrote. “I told them they will have full control over everything else! It will still be their day! I just want my friends there to support the big day!”
In an edit to the post, she clarified that her daughter doesn’t “have a problem with [her] inviting [her] friends,” but a “problem being limited in her and her fiancé’s friends” that are invited.
She added: “My social obligations to my friends are because I have known some of these people for 50-plus years and I do not want to ruin friendships that are strong. I was invited to their children’s weddings so why would they not be invited to my child’s wedding? My son opted to not have one so this will be my only opportunity.”
The Reddit post has quickly gone viral, as it has more than 4,500 upvotes and 5,700 responses. In the comments, people went on to criticise the bride’s mother, with claims that she shouldn’t be so involved in creating the guest list, despite the fact that she’s funding the wedding.
“I get the argument that you should have a say in the guest list to a degree if you’re funding the wedding, but this is still their day,” one wrote. “They clearly don’t feel these people have been meaningfully close enough to their relationship to include them. They want to invite people who they feel they are closer with, and your split down-the-middle rule seems flawed in that your daughter doesn’t want as many guests.”
“And she’s not inviting them because they’re close to the bride and groom. She’s inviting them out of ‘social obligation,’” another claimed. “And if she doesn’t get her way, she doesn’t want HER name on it. Total MOBzilla (Mother Of Bride).”
“If OP wants to limit it to 60 people, that’s fine. However, those 60 people should still be chosen by the bride and groom. If OP wants her 13 friends to come, they should pay for 73 people instead of 60,” a third added. “Paying for the wedding is generous, but OP seems to think that it’s all about her and is more concerned about appearances than making her daughter happy. It also seems like she looks down on future SIL’s parents for not contributing to the costs.”
In another edit to the post, the bride specified that her mother’s opinion “hasn’t changed and so long as she is paying, she is standing firm on her requirements”. She also clarified that while she “was willing to fund my own wedding”, it would have been a “much smaller affair” if she had done so. With that in mind, her mother “insisted on funding it because she wanted [her child] to be able to have an actual wedding”.
“Eight of the 13 people are strangers to me, but the money for six of them was going to be paid with money from outside of the wedding budget,” she added. “The eight people I don’t know are using spots from my half of the guest list… who quite honestly I would’ve preferred to give to my fiancé’s friends, since I hope to get to know them more.. but it is what it is.”
The Independent has contacted u/VastGrapefruit7224 for comment.