Office relations: A couple's guide to working from home without hostility

Rae Schuller wasn't prepared for the booming volume of her partner's work voice, or how badly it would grate on her nerves.

Schuller and Em Lamache have lived together for more than a year, but their quarters got a little smaller two weeks ago when they came down with the flu, went into self-isolation and began working from home.

The new arrangement — in their small, one-bedroom apartment — was not ideal.

Lamache, the director of a national non-profit, had what seemed like an endless number of virtual meetings with colleagues. Meanwhile, Schuller is a support worker for victims of domestic violence.

Schuller's clients require quiet. Her partner's meetings were anything but.

'Passive-aggressive co-worker'

"It was impossible to do anything," Schuller said. "So I kept coming out and doing the passive-aggressive 'Shhh' and using hand gestures."

A few days into their shared 14-day stint in full isolation, the bickering began.

"I was surprised by Em's volume and I think Em was surprised that I'm that passive-aggressive co-worker that comes over and shushes."

Desperate, Schuller began searching the internet for "noise management tools" and found an app called bouncyballs.org

The website, designed for classrooms, measures audio through your computer's microphone and issues a warning when the room becomes too loud.

"The bubbles will bounce higher and higher the louder you speak," she said. "I'm happy to say it worked for both of us and now we can both work in peace," Schuller said in an interview with CBC Radio's Edmonton AM.

Schuller isn't the only one surprised by a partner's behaviour at work. Isolation practices meant to curb the spread of COVID-19 have emptied offices, sending employees home to work in unprecedented numbers.

For many couples who live together, working from home hasn't been a smooth transition, says Margot Ross-Graham, a workplace consultant and founder of Sandbar Coaching and Consulting.

Couples sharing workspaces for the first time must contend with issues around noise, mismatched schedules, shared technology and distracting habits — maybe he hums incessantly or she leaves the computer desk in disarray, Ross-Graham said.

Ross-Graham has heard horror stories about bickering, bathroom breaks being broadcast to large meetings, even spouses walking in barely dressed as their partners host important video conferences.

"This is not a situation people really planned for," she said.

"I would say that there's a huge majority of people right now who had never intended to work from home, had no infrastructure in place to do it and maybe even don't want to do it."

If you've discovered that the love of your life is a less-than-ideal cubicle mate, Ross-Graham has some advice.

Establish your own space

Whether it's a proper office or the kitchen table, maintaining your own work area within the home will help keep you sane and organized, as well as guard against misplacing important work items.

Sharing an office can cause conflict, especially if one partner is a neat freak.

It is also essential to find space in the home for important phone calls or work that requires quiet, she said — even a broom closet will do.

Maintain boundaries

Establish a clear work schedule and stay within it. Ross-Graham also recommends that couples figure out what time of the day they are most productive and steer clear of each other during those hours.

"A lot of people don't really think about what their working time is and what their distraction time is," she said. "Choose your window."

Communication is key

If something has become a nuisance, let it be known. Letting things fester in silence may end up impacting your relationship outside work hours.

Have a meeting with a partner, set an agenda and come up with a plan, she said.

"We do that in workplaces," she said. "We do that all the time so there's no reason we can't do the same thing, even if it might seem a bit rude because you're doing it with your partner."

As for Schuller, she said the bickering over noise has stopped but she does worry about the prospect of sharing an office with her partner for weeks, even months. She doesn't want work gripes to hurt the relationship.

"I'm guessing more things are going to come up as we move through it so I feel better about the noise but it is a big change for everyone, I think."