"He Quietly Said, 'Check Her Background'": People Are Sharing The "Harmless" Skills That Might Not Look So Great From The Outside In, And They're So Accurate
It's funny to think that some skills you're allowed to get better and better at over time...but others have a cap because if you show too much proficiency, it starts to enter criminal mastermind or secret agent territory, and people might think you could be up to no good. It's definitely wild and hilarious to see how many everyday skills actually translate to a likelihood of being highly successful in a life of crime. Reddit user u/fertility--goddess asked people to share, "What everyday skill becomes suspicious if you are too good at it?" And here's what people said:
1."My grandpa used to work in the film industry making fake money for movies. He got so good that it started looking TOO real. He was then visited by the FBI. He didn't get in trouble or anything. They just told him he had to make the money look more fake."
2."Shuffling cards. My 7-year-old is very good at it. His teachers probably think his parents run a gambling den."
3."Knowing all the ways a drug test can provide a false positive better than your attorney does."
4."Most residential locks I find to be cheap and fairly easy to lock pick — not really difficult to get good at them, surprisingly — thankfully most people don’t bother learning lock-picking skills or believe it’s harder than it’s worth spending time on learning."
5."Walking silently. It's always a good skill to have to be able to be quiet at a moment's notice, but do it too well, and you start 'appearing' behind people and freaking them out. 'How long have you been there?!' type things."
"This is me, and to make it worse, I'm a pretty big guy, so I startle a lot of people. It's fun to sneak up on my cat, though."
6."I am a phlebotomist, so I am very, VERY good at finding and knowing what veins are perfect. It makes me seem like a person addicted to drugs if you don't know what I do for a living."
7."My husband is really good at breaking into cars. He claims it's because his ex locked her keys in her car on a weekly basis and he'd always have to bail her out. One time, I watched him open our Blazer with two brooms during the middle of a snowstorm. It was impressive."
8."Knowing the grams to ounces to pounds conversions and having a good grasp on all the fractions in between."
9."We went to a shooting range and fired a variety of guns for the first time. My wife’s accuracy with a Glock was very impressive, and she topped the group scores by quite a way despite never firing a gun before. The trainer leaned into me and, with his strong Eastern European accent, quietly said, 'Check her background.'”
10."I know how to break down various body parts of many different types in a matter of minutes… I’m a butcher."
11."Remembering the names and facts about prescription drugs. My wife has a freakish memory for...well, every little piece of information ever, and she routinely is able to pronounce correctly and know the important facts about prescription drugs none of us are taking just because she read about them once. It really freaks out doctors. And non-doctors. Everyone who doesn't know her, I guess."
12."Knife or axe throwing. Go to a bar with buddies and nail three bullseyes in a row, and they think you work for the mafia or grew up fighting off bears."
13."Navigation. If someone told you their address, you could immediately respond with multiple routes to reach their house, including options for the most efficient route depending on the time of day and direction of approach... Yeah, I'd say there's a not-insignificant chance they think you are a stalker."
14."I have strangely good facial recognition and memory of people. Like, my wife and I will be out at, say, a ball game, and a guy will walk by, and I’ll be like, 'That guy sat behind me in a sociology class my sophomore year of college,' which was 10+ years ago. Or 'That lady was sitting at the bar when we went out to dinner two months ago.' Creeps my wife out."
15."Knowing what the dark web is and how to navigate it, also having knowledge of TOR and other similar browsers. People will think you’re either a drug lord or some kind of freak."
16."Knowing a lot about the law without being a lawyer."
17."Being able to bullshit your way out of situations. It seems like a good skill to have, but I think the only way you can develop it is to spend too much time talking to people you would have to bullshit."
What are your skills that would seem suspicious if you got a little too good at them? Let us know in the comments! You can also fill out this form if you prefer to remain anonymous. Your response may be featured in a BuzzFeed Community post!
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
