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Q&A with standup comedian Heather Ross on what makes a ‘good‘ rape joke

[Heather Ross, pictured, and fellow comedian Emma Cooper came up with a touring comedy show about rape. PHOTO: Joan Ullyet]

It took two years for Vancouver-based comedian Heather Jordan Ross to report her sexual assault by a co-worker. After going to police last December, she met up with her friend, fellow comedian Emma Cooper, to decompress over a drink.

The conversation turned to their disdain of rape jokes even though they both had the urge to joke about their own experiences. Cooper is also a sexual assault survivor. The two women were keen to find a way of taking back the power they lost when they were assaulted.

From there, they came up with the idea of putting on a show to give a platform to survivors of sexual assault to tell their stories, for laughs.

Cooper and Ross immediately came up with a list of names of outspoken women who they could put on the bill, and booked a venue.

The first event took place in January in Vancouver and sold out, as did several follow-up shows. The women have recently taken the show called Rape is Real and Everywhere, and embarked on a cross-Canada tour.

Yahoo Canada News spoke to Ross, 26, about coping with sexual assault, audience reaction and future projects.

Q. Does a show like this help you process the sexual assault?

Absolutely. The thing is, sexual assault often robs you of your narrative because it’s such a confusing event. It’s not like when someone puts a dent in your car, you can be like, “I’m so mad at this guy. He put a dent in my car,” but for some reason we’re angrier about that than to people who sexually assault us because we can’t process that. We can’t process a world where friends, co-workers, partners would do that to us. To be able to say my story out loud…it’s been really, really cathartic. Emma and I are joking that we’re getting paid for this, the audience is our therapist. We’re also there to entertain, and it’s funny.

Q: What makes a “good” rape joke?

A good rape joke is a joke where you have considered what you’re saying, what it brings to the table, who’s going to laugh at it and why you’re saying it. If the controversial thing is the punch line, like, oooh, you’re zany and dark — I’m bored. I’m not even offended anymore, you’re just a lazy comedian. But if you can tell me something new, when you tell a joke, no matter what it is or how controversial it is, then I’m interested. Often times, the people who do (bad rape jokes) are guys who are 22 and have only been doing standup for 45 minutes. They’re like “Oh, zany rape joke, my mom would hate this” and you’re like “OK, sure’ but the people who laugh at those jokes aren’t survivors. The people who laugh at those jokes are rapists. Who do I want to keep company with? Who do I want coming out to my shows? If you’re pandering to a rapist audience then maybe you want to reconsider your jokes.

Q: Have there been a lot of survivors of sexual assault who come to your shows?

Yeah, there’s been lots. At our launch show in Vancouver with 300 people, Emma asked where the survivors were at and got a booming “woo-hoo!” People are ready to laugh about this and talk about this in any way.

Our experiences are so nuanced that when a dark thing happens to you, there are funny parts to that. And those funny parts, you don’t get to talk about any of it. If you can find the funny and you can talk about it and weave through what happened to you and other people, survivors are down [with that]. They’re still showing support. They might be like “I’m not ready to do this but I’m glad you are and I’m glad it’s how you’re getting through this.”

Q: Have there been any bad reactions to the show?

The people who don’t like the show are the people who don’t understand the show. They’ll read the name of the tour and say “rape jokes, never!” and OK, that’s not fair. This is our grieving process. We’re sharing with other people and we hope it helps with their grieving process too. Or it’s an evening that’s entertaining. Or it’s an evening that’s educational.

We had one woman in Nanaimo [B.C.] who said she’d do anything to stop the show but then she never showed up. I’ve had a few dude bros that I had to delete from Facebook who don’t like how I use the word “real” and “everywhere” (in the tour title). I was like “wow, you can ignore that if you want or as you have been, this prevalent issue in society.’”

Q: Where do you see this going?

We’re trying to record what we can. Emma and I are doing this by the seat of our pants. We’d love to go to universities and schools. We’d love to put something on TV and we’d love to podcast. This is just the beginning.

The interview was condensed and edited.