Shaq just dropped a LaVar Ball diss track, and it's pretty hilarious

(Getty)

LaVar Ball is all over the internet right now for all the wrong reasons. So if there were ever a perfect day to drop a LaVar Ball diss track, Friday might have been it.

And you know what? Shaq came through in the clutch.

You can listen to the track here.

Below are the lyrics, via TMZ:

Dudes talking loud, I don’t understand
Walking around like they the true Big Baller Brand
How you think that, Im about to spit facts
I walk in Reebok in ’92, I came out with them Shaqs
I’ve been doing this a long time
When you was averaging two points, riding the pine
You see my t shirts, you see my feet work
Big baller brand, that was me first
How many parades did I give them LA streets
How many rings with Kobe, see you thought we had beef
How many accolades, how many ceremonies
I had whatever I want, Tony, Tony, Tony
You beat me? That’s a bunch of bologna
You think you’re Mailman, you ain’t even Jeff Maloney
When did you play, huh, what year
Oh ya you play for Dallas, Erick Dampier
Listen here, they call me Steph Harden
I make the same salary as Steph and James Harden
Two hundred plus, two forty eight
You do the math man, damn my life is great
You want to battle d’s, you better have endurance
Before you crash man, get that general insurance
Or get some icy hot, rub it on your back
Before you break that f****** around with Shaq
Sit down man, you be doin’ the most
You know you’re your ass is barbecue chicken in the post
First you can beat Mike, then you can beat me
Wake that ass up, you havin’ a dream
And when you wake up, apologize
And bow down to my Staples Center statue hangin’ off the side
Of the building, excuse me, arena
I feel like Martin with the flow, damn, Gina
You’ve been caught up in the rapture
And when you’re watchin’ Zo play, look up in the rafters
You see Magic Johnson, you see Jerry West
You see Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, damn he was the best
Keep lookin’ man, I know you see this
Number 34 next to Gail Goodrich
Big Daddy Kane, no half-steppin
I’m more like Will Smith (why?) I am legend
Penny love me, Kobe hate me
D Wade ain’t tell me Pat Riley was gon’ trade me
That ain’t faze me, nothin’ faze me
Jerry Maguire with this flow – pay me
Big Baller Brand trust, I am that
I hope you get the message, by telephone or fax
Two more things I got to say
You’ve done a great job, I love how your sons play
And lil ‘Melo too, attitude hella cool
Jumper wet wet like two thots in a pool
I learn the game from William Wesley, you can never test me
Cuz when I’m done, they gon’ remember me like Elvis Presley
Watch your mouth, don’t ever step outta line
Shaq O’Neal, bro – greatest of all time
This is a game to me, it’s not a sport
My name aint Shaq, I’m the black Michael Rapaport

*mic drop*

Some brief highlights:

  • “I’ve been doing this a long time, when you was averaging two points, riding the pine,” is pretty clearly a reference to LaVar’s short college career, which lasted one year at Washington State.
  • Shaq continues to push the narrative that he’s the original big baller brand with the “Big baller brand, that was me first” line.
  • “When did you play, huh, what year? Oh ya you play for Dallas, Erick Dampier.” What?
  • Shaq rhymed “Harden” with “Harden.” Only Shaq is allowed to do that.
  • The best part, undoubtedly: “You want to battle d’s, you better have endurance. Before you crash man, get that general insurance. Or get some icy hot, rub it on your back. Before you break that f****** around with Shaq. Sit down man, you be doin’ the most. You know you’re your ass is barbecue chicken in the post. First you can beat Mike, then you can beat me. Wake that ass up, you havin’ a dream.”
  • “My name aint Shaq, I’m the black Michael Rapaport.” Huh?