'The Ultimatum: Queer Love' star Xander says they wanted to split with Vanessa 'after Week 1'

Spoiler alert! This story discusses the finale and reunion of "The Ultimatum: Queer Love," so beware if you haven’t seen it.

"The Ultimatum: Queer Love" was peak drama to kick off Pride month.

In the first season of its kind, Netflix's reality dating show had five queer couples — most of whom identified as female or nonbinary — decide whether to marry. One person in each couple gave an ultimatum to propose or end the relationship as the show tested them with three-week trial marriages to the partner they came with and a new person within the group.

By the second episode, Xander Boger, who gave an ultimatum to Vanessa Papa, and Yoly Rojas, who gave an ultimatum to Mal Wright, began to form a connection, which intensified leading to the finale.

In the end, Mal and Yoly left engaged, while Xander broke up with Vanessa. But the former couple split two weeks after leaving the show, they revealed at the reunion. "I wasn't sure (if Yoly was) going to say yes or no. But I did know that if we left out of this separately or she didn't say yes, I never wanted her to go on thinking that I didn't want to marry her," Mal tells USA TODAY.

Xander on when they knew they wanted to break up with Vanessa

When decision day rolled around, Xander's breakup was seemingly to pursue a relationship with Yoly. Vanessa says that if Xander proposed, she "would have said yes … under the idea that she decided to recommit to me and was willing to put in the work."

Xander, however, knew "pretty early on" in the process that Vanessa wasn't her person. "It was after Week 1 ... before I even started my trial marriage with Yoly," they say. They continued with Vanessa after that first week "out of respect for our relationship and the four years," Xander adds.

Today, Xander and Vanessa are not on speaking terms.

Vanessa reacts to watching the show, treatment of Xander

The love quad between Xander, Vanessa, Yoly and Mal became particularly tense as Vanessa made enemies with the other couples and "got the villain edit," she says.

"If vanessa from the ultimatum: queer love has a million haters, one of them is me. if she has 100 haters, i’m hater #99. if she has 1 hater? u guessed it, me. if she has no haters, i’m no longer on this earth," one fan tweeted. Another tweeted: "No because anyone who is watching the ultimatum queer love, how many times have you paused it to collect yourself from the absolute second hand embarrassment of Vanessa."

Vanessa isn't sweating the label. "Every reality show has the villain, right? I could definitely feel that coming on while filming because obviously people weren't enjoying me and they were calling me (out) on literally everything I've tried to say," she says.

The social-media influencer feuded with her peers over flirting with people in front of their partners, a seemingly sarcastic smile during serious conversations and her overall attitude toward Xander.

Vanessa says her "awkward smile" is how she copes when she's uncomfortable, something she's still working on. As for hurling insults at Xander, Vanessa felt "bamboozled" by the things she was learning about her partner.

Is Xander asexual?

Vanessa's authenticity was also questioned by her castmates, who believed Vanessa only went on "The Ultimatum" because she was confident Xander wouldn't find love with anyone else and believed Xander was asexual.

"What I was really confused (by) with all the ultimatum givers is that they so seemed to be so easily able to forget about the people they gave the ultimatum to, and open their hearts up to falling in love," Vanessa says.

Vanessa adds that she thought Xander was asexual based on conversations about her ex's dating history. But Xander denies this: "I never said I was asexual."

Demisexual is the closest label Xander considered. For them, "it's not appearance-wise for me to feel a connection with someone" and more about an emotional bond.

Are Xander and Yoly dating?

Fans of "The Ultimatum" were rooting for Xander and Yoly to end up together after seeing their infectious chemistry during the trial marriage. "I love Mal so much & I wish her all the best in life but Yoly isn’t her person. The connection she made with Xander is undeniable," one fan tweeted. Another wrote: "Watching the ultimatum queer love and Xander and Yoly have such a beautiful connection."

Xander and Yoly revealed at the reunion that they rekindled their romance after the show, but remain friends. So where do they stand today?

The pair are still friends, and admit they have been "in different phases" of their post-breakup journeys, Xander explains.

Yoly adds: "I am a lover girl. I am going to fall in love when I'm with somebody I connect with and I do give it my all. With that being said, I have been on a very necessary timeout from dating."

Mal reacts to the internet shipping Xander and Yoly

Mal revealed on the reunion that she felt like a "complete fool" watching "The Ultimatum" and finding out Yoly downplayed her relationship with Xander. At the same time, she understands why Xander and Yoly's "palpable" love story resonates with people.

"I'm also just as confused why (Yoly) even said yes (to our engagement)," Mal says. "It feels like a lack of care because now the both of you have blown up your entire relationships."

Mal and Yoly's relationship fizzled as Yoly grew skeptical at the speed with which they decided to propose. From Mal's perspective, "There was never a time where I was unwavering about if I wanted to move on to marriage. It was a matter of timing, but not a matter of question."

The exes remain friends after their split. "Post-breakup we were actually really good, almost too good, where we kind of had to take some space so we don't just get wrapped up in our friendship," Yoly says.

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This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: 'The Ultimatum': Are Xander and Yoly together? Vanessa talks breakup