Forget every nightmare unwanted houseguest story you've ever heard: Loretta and Kevin Yates have you beat by a hive.
Or, rather: multiple hives.
As QMI Agency reports, the Varney, Ont., couple recently learned they've been sharing their home with 80,000 thousand bees.
Two colonies of honeybees and a hive of yellow jacket wasps have settled in to the space between the main-floor ceiling and the floor of the upper level over the kitchen and living room, according to a beekeeper who inspected the premises.
The Yates family said they knew they had a bee problem, but it wasn't until they started getting honey hair treatments two weeks ago that they realized how bad their situation had gotten.
"We don't hear them buzzing or anything. It's just the crack in the ceiling. Like you're standing in the kitchen and you get honey dripped down your hair. It's not pleasant," Loretta Yates told QMI.
Several cracks, burdened under the weight of honey, have appeared along the affected areas.
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In fact, the inspector put the figure at approximately 2,000 pounds of honey — enough to start a small business, or create a grave safety risk. Those are some busy bees.
If the ceilings collapse, they'll lose the only barrier protecting them from a scenario that would make Arachnophobia look like a Disney cartoon by comparison.
Loretta Yates estimates the winged ones took up residency about four years ago. She and her husband, who share the one-and-a-half storey home with their 22-month-old son, purchased the Grey County property in 2007.
Though it would be hard to imagine how things could get worse at this point, Loretta made the grave mistake of looking out the backyard window.
"It was another swarm of bees coming, like another hive of bees coming here, but the house was already full. So they couldn't actually get access into the house, so they just swarmed on the outside," she said, inspiring an extra round of shudders.
"And it was just black. You'd hardly believe it was bees. It was just like a blanket."
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Mercifully, help is on the way.
Beekeeper David Schuit has offered his team to clear out the bees by (very carefully) removing the queen of each hive so that the other bees will follow. They start Monday.
The more aggressive wasps won't be spared the insecticide rod. "They're very unruly," Schuit said.
The Elmwood-based beekeeper plans to pull down the ceiling and perform a "honey-ectomy" in hopes of salvaging some of the sweet goods.
If there's any profit to be made, the Yates' can use it. Loretta said her insurance company refuses to cover her for the damage.
Though her husband can access $1,500 through his Ontario Disability Support Program, the final tally is expected to run more than double that amount.
Looks like their insurance company won't be getting any homemade honey this Christmas.