'Ahead of the Tokyo Olympics I'm looking to find joy in the sport again - when I'm happier I jump better'

There are so many pressures with just six months until Tokyo, especially as a young athlete. Right after Rio 2016 I moved to Loughborough University to study psychology, and I've had so many times where I've be sat doing work these past few months thinking, why am I doing this to myself in an Olympic year?

I like having a distraction though and I like being at university, it's just the pressures of exams - which every student feels anyway - alongside the pressures of the indoor season being two weeks away at the same time. Luckily I don't have any summer exams this year, I've deferred them because I want to focus on training, competing and achieving my 2020 goals.

I had my last exam on Tuesday and even on Sunday I was like, “I just want to chill". High jump is quite a mental event, requires a lot of thinking, so you can't just get your miles done and go revise. Uni work was one of those things just niggling away at you, so I think that adds pressure on top of obviously trying to get to the Olympics. It definitely took a lot out of me that I didn't realise until I finished this week, but I’m so excited to get my athletics season underway.

The pressure as a young woman in sport can also be big. I've heard of other coaches saying to female athletes that one of the reasons for bad performances sometimes is your weight, whereas with a guy their weight is one of the last things they focus on. In 2015, I was at the World Championships and a high jumping coach from another country asked me if I was going to do high jump long term or stick to heptathlon. I said I'd be sticking to heptathlon, as that was the plan at the time, and he said, "That's good because you're too heavy to be a high jumper". It was crazy, I'd become world junior high jump champion the year before and I was there competing in high jump, but because my body was different he said I could never be a high jumper.

That really hit me, because I was only 18 at the time. When I got into high jump afterwards I was a bit more self conscious, thinking I've got to change, I can't be carrying this same weight. It did always play in the back of my mind. But luckily I don't think about that anymore, I've got these muscles, done all this work, why would I throw that away because of one comment from someone who doesn't know anything about me? That's my mindset.

Another big pressure I find is social media. The fact you can see what all the other athletes are doing, you feel like an obligation to show what you're doing as well. Tenerife is one of the big places people go warm weather training, you can always see people are there - apparently in January it was absolutely swamped but I didn't go because of exams. Every single group from around the world seemed to be at that one track, it's like athlete FOMO [fear of missing out].

It's trying not to get too absorbed in it. I always think back to my old days training as when I was younger I would never have looked at what people were doing, social media wasn't really a thing. I did fine then, so I don't need to be looking around - I need to trust in me and my coaches doing the right work.

My set up completely changed over the summer, I went back to being coached by my dad who coached me for Rio. Though I got a PB every year since 2016 and made improvements, I wasn't enjoying it and me and my old coach had a bit of a disagreement about some of my training elements, so I made the call to go back to an environment that I know works for me. In 2020 I'm looking to find the joy in the sport again - when I'm happier I jump better.

I needed a fresh start going into an Olympic year. Now I'm back living with my parents, and that's really weird after four years away. With my dad coaching me it's a lot of training chat at home - but it's not as bad as it was when I was younger, now I can say, "Right, put on your different cap when you're home".

My psychology degree has definitely helped me understand myself better, it's been useful even though I tried to steer away from the sports psychology modules. A lot about visualisation and mental rehearsal can aid in competitions.

I think everyone's in the same boat at the moment looking ahead to Tokyo, it's coming so soon! No one really knows who is actually going yet, so you've just got to get your head down and get the work done.