AHS: Delicate Finale Delivers Ominous, Abrupt Ending — Grade It!

“Who?” “What??” “Why?!?” Those are just a few of the words we can finally retire from our collective vocabulary now that American Horror Story: Delicate has reached the finish line.

The finale picks up moments after Anna promised her unborn child to Siobhan in exchange for an Academy Award, sealing the deal with a kiss. Now fully in labor, she’s en route to the hospital, joined in the ambulance by that piece of crap husband of hers. (Didn’t we get rid of him last week?)

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Ivy is behind the wheel of the ambulance, naturally. We suspect it’s her first time on the road, because that vehicle is swerving all over the damn place and there’s absolutely no traffic whatsoever. We also suspect it’s not her first time killing someone, because she has no trouble putting a bullet in poor Kamal. (R.I.P., hot security guy.)

Things aren’t any less chaotic in the back of the ambulance, where Dex attempts to deliver Anna’s baby himself, but when his hand gets a little too close to the action… well, her south mouth bites that hand clean off. The bloody scene is [1] something we never wanted to see, but also [2] exactly the kind of thing we’ve been waiting to see happen to Dex all season. Such is the price one pays by watching this show. Dex’s good fortune continues at the “hospital,” where Ivy finishes the job and takes him out for good.

Anna awakens on a table in one of those enormous industrial venues they use to shoot music videos. Surrounded by the Women in Black, she gives birth to a baby boy, all the while maintaining a vice grip on her Oscar. Honestly, if we weren’t so horrified by the overall situation, we’d almost be impressed. Speaking of Anna’s new statue, she tries to play dumb about the deal she made with Siobhan, and her insolence gets her paralyzed from the waist down.

The next morning, Siobhan gathers her “Delicates” (that’s what they’re called?!) to formally welcome Anna’s son into their little family. She also makes an example out of Ivy, executing her as punishment for killing her “son.” (Side note: You all know that Dex was Siobhan’s son? Seriously, we’d like a show of hands.)

At Anna’s behest, Siobhan lays out the Delicates’ mission statement: They believe they’re saving the world by breeding creatures who grow up to develop superhuman abilities. Strength, swiftness, ruthlessness and viciousness are the specific powers given as examples, delivered with all the witchy glee of a middle school production of Macbeth. The creatures “will restore humanity to the greatness intended for it,” and this particular creature — the claw-handed cutie that Anna just popped out — will serve the greatest purpose, killing all of the men they don’t intend to keep as sex slaves. “We’ll finally have a matriarchy,” they explain. “Utopia!”

Anna attempts to breastfeed her little guy for the first time, which can be difficult enough without claws and (presumably) fangs involved. To ease her through the painful process, Siobhan revisits an old favorite from earlier in the season, singing a bit of “Sooner or Later” from Dick Tracy. Things turn chanty, as they so often do, and it seems as though Anna is going to succumb to the Delicates’ influence. (By the way, Stephen Sondheim would have loved that a song he wrote for that movie is now being used in something this campy.)

Plot twist: Adeline (the good twin, ‘memba her?) visits Anna from the beyond, empowering her to overcome Siobhan’s darkness and melt the crap out of her. Just like that. Anna simply refuses to take any more of her guff, starts chanting, and watches as Siobhan rapidly ages until she dissolves into a pile of dust.

With Siobhan and her giant Betty Boop curl finally vanquished, the darkness fades away and Anna is left with everything she ever wanted — a beautiful baby and a shiny Oscar. As a bonus, she even gets to keep Siobhan’s cute little ceremonial witch hat, since she’s dead and won’t be needing it anymore. Plus, she can walk again! And Dex is still gone, which is also great.

It’s not a very complicated ending, but in many ways, it certainly is a happy one.

Your thoughts on that rather abrupt ending to American Horror Story: Delicate? And how do you feel about the season as a whole now that it’s all behind us? Weigh in via our polls below, then drop a comment with your full review.

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