‘Right in the Butt’: Dirty ‘Wheel of Fortune’ Fail Belongs in Hall of Fame

This week:

• You should have all seen The Fall Guy.

• A beautiful game show fail.

• Carrie Bradshaw is back.

• Broadway’s big secret.

• J. Lo…

Game Show Fails Are the Best Fails

Apologies if, at around 7:45 p.m. Thursday night, you heard a faint high pitch noise that lasted for a full minute. That was me shrieking while watching Wheel of Fortune and witnessing a Greatest of All Time inappropriate answer to a clue.

The clue was “Phrase,” and it was one of those rounds where the letters are filled in one by one. If a contestant knows the answer, they can ring in. Please, for context, see the image below, to fully understand the hilarity of what a contestant named Tavaris answered.

“Right in the butt.”

That’s what Tavaris said. “Right in the butt.”

Nevermind that “right” has five letters. Nevermind that this is Wheel of Fortune, a family game show. I can’t get over what his friends and family are going to do to poor Tavaris. They will mock him from now until eternity. On his gravestone, it will say, “Here lies Tavaris. Right in the butt.”

Outrageous game show answers are a passion of mine. It’s an entire genre of entertainment that is, honestly, better than most entertainment.

In the “butt” genre of wild answers, the classic is, of course, the Newlywed Game contestant who answered the prompt, “Where is the weirdest place you’ve made whoopee?” with—you guessed it—“in the ass.”

Oh, game show fails are a magical rabbit hole to lose yourself down.

There’s the Family Feud contestant who was asked to name a yellow fruit and answered, “Orange.” A personal favorite Family Feud goof is when a woman was asked what month of pregnancy does a woman begin to look pregnant and she answered, “September.” Classic Family Feud fails are the best, but I’ve also had moments of “Wait, it’s 2 a.m.?!” after watching TikTok after TikTok of ridiculous answers during the Steve Harvey era.

A Ken Jennings classic is when the Jeopardy! clue was, “The term for a long-handled gardening tool can also mean an immoral pleasure seeker,” and Jennings answered, “What is a hoe?” (Not wrong!) Speaking of Jeopardy!, I’ll never forget where I was when a contestant confused Chaka Khan for Shaka Zulu, or when Janet Jackson was confused for Ariana Grande, because both instances took years off my life.

This is all to say that, Tavaris, you’re in good company, and I look forward to seeing you soon in one of the “game show fail” compilation videos I watch on a weekly basis.

It’s Hip to Be a Square

Because it’s Tony Awards season, and I’m a culturally minded gay, I’ve been flitting about the Great White Way the last few weeks to sample some of the finest theater. I’ve seen some of the most raved about productions. Merrily We Roll Along, Appropriate, Mary Jane, and Stereophonic truly live up to the hype. I’ve found myself weeping while stars belt out Alicia Keys songs during Hell’s Kitchen and when twinks in tank tops fight in the mud during The Outsiders and thought, “What is wrong with me?”

But the most fun I’ve had? That was at The Heart of Rock and Roll, a jukebox musical featuring songs by Huey Lewis and the News that was (egregiously!!!) not nominated for a single Tony.

As a person who finds Mamma Mia! to be the greatest work of art of our lifetime, it shouldn’t be surprising that I love jukebox musicals. But I’ve also become somewhat of a connoisseur of them. I’m aware that they can be so patronizingly, cynically, unforgivably bad. But when the show is in on the joke, has a tight script, and has figured out a way to match a story to the vibe of the music, it’s heaven: the ideal version of a very expensive dance party.

I laughed more during The Heart of Rock and Roll than I did during any other Best Musical nominee. I cried when I was supposed to cry. I danced in my seat when I was supposed to dance in my seat. Sometimes you just want a show that does it all for you, that’s polished and fun and escorts you on the journey without you having to do the work.

Anyway, if you’re wondering why Huey Lewis is spiking on Spotify, it’s me.

I Couldn’t Help But Wonder…

It’s the greatest time of the year: Sarah Jessica Parker being photographed on the streets of New York wearing batshit Carrie Bradshaw outfits while filming And Just Like That.

New York only feels like New York when this is happening. There’s an indescribable energy in the city right now. I can only attempt to explain it as, “SJP is wearing a big hat again, so we feel safe to be feral, selfish, and unhinged.”

Speaking of big hats, take a look at this beaut:

It’s shading her from the sun, and also from the evil of the world. And what about these sheer sleeves? It’s sending a message to all of us New Yorkers: Let’s be hideously oversized, but also transparent about it:

And the biggest sign that we’re so back: Aidan is outside an apartment stoop screaming at Carrie’s window. We are at our best when that mania is feeding our energy. It’s gonna be a good summer.

Important Information

Every Jennifer Lopez superfan has his limits, and mine may just be this new Netflix movie Atlas. However, I must share with everyone information that blew my brain, made me cringe harder than I have in my entire life, and now I’m talking through with my therapist about.

Get ready: The film is called Atlas because her character’s name is “Atlas.” What in the name of Selena?!?!

What to watch this week:

Furiosa: We love a movie that allows us to use the word “badass.” (Now in theaters)

Queen of the Deuce: We love a chain-smoking, Jewish grandma who lorded over a porn empire. (Now in theaters)

The Beach Boys: Wouldn’t it be nice (get it?!) if we all properly appreciated this all-time great band. (Now on Disney+)

What to skip this week:

Atlas: J.Lo! I am always rooting for you, but sometimes you make it so hard. (Now on Netflix)

Tires: This Shane Gillis bros-will-be-bros sitcom so lazily leans into that idea we should all be offended. (Now on Netflix)

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