The Funniest Tweets From Women This Week (May 11-17)
The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. And although the platform has rebranded to X, their humor lives on.
Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings. Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women, and then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
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my mother has a medical podcast where she self diagnoses her ailments it’s called my voicemail and it happens every morning at 9 am.
— kim (@KimmyMonte) May 12, 2024
you can just say things, it doesn't even need to make sense. my barista told me she's upping her sertraline dose and I said "that's so art deco" and she agreed.
— Audrey Porne (@AudreyPorne) May 13, 2024
why does my chipotle app need me to have a password with a capital letter and a number and a special character like this is not the department of defense i just want a burrito 😭
— emily (@emilykmay) May 11, 2024
sometimes when I don’t want to pay the $100 therapy copay I go to my friend’s house and talk extra loud until her husband who’s working on his psych PhD goes “do you mind if I say something”
— faith (@faithnation) May 15, 2024
i saw a single tiktok in which a woman mispronounced gnocchi “yonkees” and unfortunately for everyone in my life i am going to say it that way forever now.
— molly conger (@socialistdogmom) May 15, 2024
[talking to my married friend] so he’s just like, always there? in your house? and you don’t get sick of him?
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) May 14, 2024
A girl behind me at passport control just said "I hope they don't realise I'm using my sisters passport. Mine's out of date." Yes please this is the airport drama I live for
— Lorna Rose Treen (@lornlornlors) May 15, 2024
A well-balanced diet. pic.twitter.com/RoZk5ilJ7p
— Ashley Spencer (@AshleySpencer) May 17, 2024
Engagement photo shoots are so funny as a concept. Like girl, we believed you
— ellory smith (@ellorysmith) May 15, 2024
hate when my husband gives me some crazy directions like “i’m in the south west corner” it’s a costco parking lot i have no idea where i even am let alone what you mean by south or west
— amil (@amil) May 11, 2024
“There are no movie stars anymore!”
Okay, explain this: https://t.co/aceOLhLiFr— Rohita Kadambi (@RohitaKadambi) May 14, 2024
My yoga studio has two rooms so there’s a power yoga class at the same time as prenatal. And today the power yoga teacher didn’t show up so uh shout out to all the guys who joined in pregnancy yoga and did fantastic. welcome to your pelvic floor
— madeline odent (@oldenoughtosay) May 15, 2024
I really need the weather to commit to being warm like… I have sundresses to wear, strawberries to eat, etc
— ellie schnitt! (@holy_schnitt) May 13, 2024
lorebombing is when you make a new friend in your thirties and you have to catch each other up
— rachelle toarmino (@rchlltrmn) May 16, 2024
"Are you awake?"
Me: yeah
Me after hitting send: pic.twitter.com/vBFlx3mJGH— Jenni (@hashjenni) May 15, 2024
there are actually 8 stages of grief. you're forgetting "making little jokes about it"
— trash jones (@jzux) May 16, 2024
me reminding myself that the northern lights will continue to exist and that i can go to see them at another time of my choosing and make a whole trip of it if i would like pic.twitter.com/FPVZTz52EU
— Sydney Battle (@SydneyBattle) May 11, 2024
happy mother’s day to the “I found a gift for mom so venmo me” sibling and happy father’s day to the “wait it’s mother’s day??” sibling
— ellie schnitt! (@holy_schnitt) May 12, 2024
calling my depression “that me depresso” is surprisingly not helping at all. it’s making it markedly worse in fact
— caitie delaney (@caitiedelaney) May 14, 2024
Just found out my auntie didn’t invite me to her birthday party because it was a ‘kid free event’ (I am 28 years old)
— elliott smith wikipedia page (@beastieboys4lyf) May 12, 2024
There are two types of people in this world — those who see this & think “trash” & those who think “banana bread” — & they marry each other. pic.twitter.com/sZrb6T2XMn
— Michelle Strowhiro (@strowhiro) May 13, 2024
I’ve been in Paris for 72 hours and I regret to report that walking 16,000 steps per day and complaining about things over 2-hour lunch breaks has immediately fixed my entire life
— Janel Comeau (@VeryBadLlama) May 12, 2024
when my bf opened his gifts from me his mom saw the shorts and was like “oh my those are short!!” patty cut me some slack they’re 7” inseams you have no idea how they are whoring up the boys these days i’m protecting your son!!!
— am rod (@arod_twit) May 14, 2024
(OCD girl before ovens were invented) i think i left my horse on
— April Clark (@autogynefiles) May 15, 2024
So, I’m at Target, right? Skincare aisle.
I overhear a dude on the phone with his friend, asking him what toner is or how do you decide on a cleanser…
I go up to him and offer my expertise. He happily accepts.
And I spend a half hour showing this dude the WONDERS of skincare.— her name is cyn 🔅 (@cynfinite) May 15, 2024
Sharks, I’m asking for $4300 so I can get mimosas at the airport today
— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) May 16, 2024
