I'd rather be stuck in the woods with a drag queen than most Republican lawmakers
I've given the would you rather encounter a random bear or a random man in the woods thing a lot of thought since the question started sparking debate a few months ago.
My answer to that question of course depends on who the bear is and who the man is. The vast majority of men would be fine and the vast majority of bears would leave me alone because I'd leave them alone.
Then there are the outlier bears that would chase me down and chow on my head and the men who are more likely than the bear to do worse given the chance.
This is why I created option "C."
Man vs. bear vs. drag queen
I'd much rather encounter a drag queen in the woods than a man or a bear.
I'll tweak the scenario even further: I'd be more comfortable if the many women and children I am fortunate enough to love encountered a random drag queen than a random man or random bear.
I've spent time with bears and men. In the woods, I'd rather run into the bear.
Statistically speaking, men out of drag are far more likely to harm a woman or child than a drag queen or bears.
North America's 750,000 black bears kill fewer than one person a year on average, according to the North American Bear Center in Minnesota. It says men 18 to 24 years old are 167 times more likely to kill someone than a black bear.
Add to that the other inhumane things men have done to women and children in the woods not in a bear's nature, and you'll understand why most women pick a bear over a man.
There is on the other hand no legitimate evidence that drag queens or – for that matter trans women and men – are threats to women or children.
Drag queens and kings are not grooming children despite the LGBTQ+ hate spewed in the Ohio Statehouse targeting Pride celebrations and drag story times.
How many times have we all read stories about men in positions of trust being charged with abusing children? There are far more predatory pastors than drag queens.
Yet there is a long history of unhinged propaganda linking LGBTQ+ people to child grooming. The reality is that children are most likely to be victimized by someone in their home, school, church or other place of care, writes Timothy W. Jones, an associate professor at La Trobe University in Australia, in a column for The Conversation.
"Research shows the impact that homophobic and transphobic messaging can have on young people, proving they need to be protected from this harmful rhetoric – not from drag queens," Jones noted. "Drag story time events are an age-appropriate way to celebrate diversity. They benefit all children – gay, straight, transgender and cisgender – with education about consent, human dignity, self determination and human rights."
Drag isn't dangerous for children: I'm a drag queen who loves reading to kids. Those protesting me are the real danger.
GOP lawmakers or drag queens? I choose the ones who don't suppress human rights.
I'd rather run into a random drag queen in the woods than a random Ohio legislator any day.
Generally speaking, drag queens are far more entertaining, tenacious, creative, resourceful and fun to be around than most of our legislators – the ultra-right ones in particular. Together, my drag queen comrade and I would craft an escape plan full of whimsy and feathers. Perhaps I'd even learn how to shablam.
No drag queen I know wouldn't ignore the very real threats lurking in the woods. No drag queen I know would conjure up "solutions" to non-problems to fuel hate. No drag queen I know would suppress human and/or constitutionally protected rights.
LGBTQ couples face discrimination: Tennessee's marriage law is fundamentally backward. The courts should strike it down.
Those things are currently our GOP legislators' hobbies.
Take House Bill 245 for instance.
These non-drag queen Ohio lawmakers – male and female – are on a campaign to crush the First Amendment rights of drag queens and other performers who use "clothing, makeup, prosthetic or imitation genitals or breasts, or other physical markers" to exhibit a gender identity different to the gender assigned at birth.
The Republican-backed bill would criminalize public drag performances in view of children that appeal to the prurient interest and offend community standards.
Opinion alerts: Get columns from your favorite columnists + expert analysis on top issues, delivered straight to your device through the USA TODAY app. Don't have the app? Download it for free from your app store.
Based on testimony from one of the bill's supporters, this apparently somehow includes words on T-shirts at Pride parades that are far tamer than some of the phrases former President Donald Trump frequently utters.
Federal judges in Texas and Tennessee have ruled that similar laws were unconstitutional.
Why would a little thing like being unconstitutional stop Ohio lawmakers from wasting more time and ignoring real threats in and out of the woods.
My answer is set.
Who needs a man or bear when you can be stuck in the woods with a drag queen?
Amelia Robinson is the opinion and community engagement editor at the Columbus Dispatch, where this column first appeared.
You can read diverse opinions from our USA TODAY columnists and other writers on the Opinion front page, on X, formerly Twitter, @usatodayopinion and in our Opinion newsletter.
This article originally appeared on The Columbus Dispatch: The drag queens I know don't suppress our rights. GOP lawmakers do
