NC State players balance parenthood, football: ‘The best thing that ever happened to me’
Ra’Kiya Ashford, dressed in a sage green floral onesie and coordinating white flower hair accessories, sat in her father, safety Rakeim Ashford’s lap. Trophies from the N.C. State’s bowl game wins lined the cases on her right and windows faced Carter-Finley Stadium to her left.
The football player lounge, with framed jerseys, video game consoles and decades of hardware, is not where one would expect to find a baby. Ra’Kiya, 3 months, didn’t seem to mind.
She was too busy spitting out her pink pacifier to smile and coo at the camera like the center of attention – which, to be fair, she was.
Ra’Kiya was born to Ashford and Asia Owens on Aug. 18, only 13 days before the season opener at UConn. She is Ashford’s second child, who also has a 4-year-old son named Kamdyn.
Alora Betty entered the world one month later on Sept. 20 to linebacker Devon Betty and his fiancee, Kishawna Edwards, two days before the N.C. State game at Virginia.
Both pregnancies were surprises, providing a mix of excitement and nerves, but the last year was filled with deep gratitude. From the physical changes, emotions and hearing the heartbeat at every prenatal appointment – that was Owens’ favorite part – everything carries meaning.
“It was just tears of joy,” Owens recalled of Ra’Kiya’s birth. “I was just crying, like, Oh my God, I heard her little cry.”
Even Ashford had a tear slip out, thinking about the future and the life he wants her to have. She’s his heart.
Betty denies crying at Alora’s birth — Ashford thinks that’s a lie — saying he was too happy. The world seemed to stop, though. From the instant Alora crowned to when nurses placed her in his arms, nothing else mattered. Football and all of the other responsibilities didn’t matter.
“It was just me and her in that moment,” Betty said. “I’m just so grateful that she’s here.”
Having an infant as a student-athlete father isn’t for the faint of heart. Athletes have to balance classes, weight lifting sessions, travel, practices, work, games and domestic tasks. That’s not easy and the families know it’s not for everyone, but they wouldn’t change their experiences.
“I never thought I’d be a father like right now,” Betty said. “Turns out, it was the best thing that ever happened to me and changed my life.”
‘I wanted to change the narrative’
Being a present parent takes a lot of time and intentionality. They would know from experience. It means doing daily tasks, like changing diapers, providing emotional support and staying mentally engaged.
Both players grew up without their fathers, as did Owens. Ashford met his father as a middle schooler. Owens found out about her dad two years ago, but he died when she was 4.
Betty doesn’t want Alora to talk about him the way he speaks of his own dad. Ashford doesn’t want his kids to do it, either.
“I wanted to change the narrative in my family and break that curse, because that’s not what I want to be,” Betty said. “I want to be everything that my father wasn’t. He wasn’t there for me. He has reasons, I guess. Not saying it’s his fault, not pointing fingers, just saying that’s just how it was.”
Their own childhood experiences drive them to be active participants in raising their children.
“I feel like when you help create something so beautiful – a boy or girl – you have to be there,” Betty added. “It’s not like a girl can get pregnant on her own.”
Ashford is less involved with Kamdyn due to their location differences, but his vow to be present does not waiver. He promised himself he would be actively involved and doesn’t want to break that.
The trio wants better for their children than they experienced and hopes to provide a positive example of parenthood.
“I know the feeling of not having a father figure in my life, and I don’t want that to take a toll on my daughter,” Owens said. “I don’t want her to feel or go through what I had to go through and feel.”
The strength of the wolf is in the pack
Annabelle Myers, N.C. State director of athletic communications, stood in her office last week, snuggling Ra’Kiya and giving her kisses.
Myers’ job description doesn’t actually include being a pseudo-grandmother to players’ children nor does NC State Coach Dave Doeren specify providing advice about parenthood. They strive to develop Wolfpack players, though, and helping their families is one way to do it.
Both players said the coaches and staff assisted through the transition and regularly check on them. Doeren and Betty talked after Alora was born. They discussed the moment Betty held his daughter in his arms for the first time and the reflection that followed.
Ashford previously worked as a communications intern and now calls Myers his “bestie.” She watches Ra’Kiya if they need help and has the photos to prove it.
“She comes in clutch sometimes. No, take that back. All the time,” Ashford added. “I didn’t mean to say sometimes. My bad, Annabelle. For real. She’s like my second momma.”
Owens and Ashford don’t have family in the area. They think they could’ve made it, but it would’ve been much more difficult without her.
“I can’t think of anything in my job that would mean more to me than to know that I helped one of those guys,” Myers said. “That’s what I’m here for.”
‘An extra layer of accountability’
Neither player expected to have an infant to care for during the football season, but they do. Parenthood added more responsibilities to their lives, but both say they’ve grown significantly.
Even their on-field performances — despite Ashford’s limited minutes due to injuries — improved. They credited their newborn daughters for a large portion of the growth.
“It’s a human being that you’re responsible for now. It’s not just your niece or nephew where you pop in every now and then and help out. It’s yours now full time,” Betty said. “I believe it’s an extra layer of accountability.”
Everything works hand-in-hand, Betty said. Handling responsibilities with diligence in one area of life – football, parenthood and education – often leads to similar commitment in others. If someone is lazy in one area, they’re likely lazy in another, he said.
They work hard in football and schoolwork, because they want to provide a positive example for their children and set their families up for strong futures.
“My first game at UConn, she was on my mind. Even the games I wasn’t playing before I messed up my leg, she’s always been on my mind,” Ashford said. “I feel like with her being on my mind, it made me a better player but it also made me a better person.
“I (have) never been a full time parent. This is my first time. I’ve got my baby girl with me every day. It made a big difference, and it really affected me.”
Though Owens isn’t on the field for N.C. State, she said Ra’Kiya changed her tremendously, too.
Their perspectives are more well-rounded, and there’s a gentleness and a sense of gratitude that wasn’t present before. This new softness isn’t a weakness, though. It led to better leadership skills and intense drive to better themselves in all areas of their lives.
“It’s cool being a part of their journey and helping them,” Doeren said. “They both handled it the way you would hope they would.”
Wolfpack papas
Betty sits in the football team’s dining room at the Murphy Center, smiling as he talks about his little girl. Ashford holds his, laughing along with her giggles.
Everyone knows them as the hard-hitting defensive football players for N.C. State. In fact, they teamed up for a big tackle on second and long against Louisville.
To their babies, they’re just dad.
They’re cherishing the time they have, even in the tough moments, and that means more than a padded stat line.
Ashford sustained a season-ending ACL injury earlier this fall after missing two weeks in concussion protocol. He hasn’t decided if he’ll return. It’s still possible.
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Betty can also return, or he could enter the NFL Draft. Things are still in flux, with a couple games left in the season.
Whatever happens, though, both players are approaching parenthood and the rest of their lives with one thing: love. And it won’t be for just 18 years. They’re in it forever.
