Tobey Maguire, 49, spotted with model Lily Chee, 20: We need to talk about age gaps
Age-gap relationships have once again entered public discourse, this time thanks to Tobey Maguire.
The "Spider-Man" star, 49, and model Lily Chee, 20, sparked relationship rumors after they were photographed together at a Fourth of July party, according to photos published in Page Six. The two have not publicly commented on the rumors. USA TODAY has reached out to Maguire's representatives for comment.
Yet their silence hasn't stopped people on the internet from mocking even the idea of Maguire dating someone so much younger than him. "If she could magically double her age right now, she'd still be a decade younger than you," a TikToker says in a video. "That's not weird?"
Age-gap relationships aren't uncommon among celebrities − just take 49-year-old Sarah Paulson and 81-year-old Holland Taylor, for example. Or 21-year-old Aoki Lee Simmons and 65-year-old Vittorio Assaf. Or 37-year-old Kristin Cavallari and 24-year-old Mark Estes.
Mental health experts tell USA TODAY that age-gap relationships have unique challenges, and it's critical to consider the power dynamics involved to have a happy, healthy and safe relationship.
Tobey Maguire, Lily Chee and society's age-gap obsession
Hollywood has a storied history of famous couples with notable age gaps, such as Lauren Bacall and Humphrey Boggart (25-year gap) or Marilyn Monroe and Joe Dimaggio (12-year gap). More recently, Kylie Jenner and Tyga (who met when Jenner was 14 and Tyga was 21) and Florence Pugh and Zach Braff (a 21-year gap) have raised eyebrows, as have several of Scott Disick's relationships.
Some have called out their former, older partners after feeling taken advantage of. Take Demi Lovato's single "29," which was adopted by myriad TikTok users calling out their own past relationships. "Finally 29 / Funny, just like you were at the time / Thought it was a teenage dream, just a fantasy / But was it yours or was it mine? 17, 29," Lovato sings in "29," rumored to be about ex Wilmer Valderrama.
When Taylor Swift, 34, rereleased her 2012 album "Red", she updated her breakup ballad "All Too Well," allegedly about actor Jake Gyllenhaal (who is nine years her senior), to include callouts to an age difference.
More: Aoki Lee Simmons, 21, Vittorio Assaf, 65, and the relationship age gap conversation
The media tends to portray age-gap romances in a one-dimensional manner: The older man, wealthy and stable, has the power – socially, financially and even sexually – while his attractive, young, dependent "trophy wife" offers one thing: beauty. Public discourse around age-gap relationships can also be brutal when an older woman dates a younger man, as evidenced by the label "cougar," which paints older women as wild animals on the prowl.
Ultimately, for any couple with an age gap to have a successful romance, both people need to see each other as equals and drown out the noise surrounding their relationship.
"You have to be confident in your relationship," Janet Morrison, a certified sex and relationship coach, previously told USA TODAY. "The biggest external factor that influences most of these relationships is not the age but the response and acceptance of the relationship by peers."
More: Kristin Cavallari, Mark Estes and the sexist relationship age gap discourse
Can age-gap relationships work?
Experts agree the biggest pitfall of an age-gap relationship is when it veers into toxic power imbalances. This happens when a couple can't see or treat each other as equals in the relationship, or when both partners don't have an equal voice in the relationship.
Meghan Gillen, a professor of psychology at Penn State Abington who studies developmental psychology and body image, previously told USA TODAY that individuals in age-gap relationships should evaluate the situation for themselves: "Does it feel appropriate? Does it feel comfortable? Do you feel like you can relate to the person … or do you feel like the person has power over you?"
Younger partners in particular also need to stay vigilant of potential gender, social and power dynamics at play.
"Significant age-gap relationships require more work than the average relationship, from the public’s perception alone," Rori Sassoon, a relationship expert and matchmaker, previously told USA TODAY. "If you’re only in it to feed your ego, beware."
Other difficulties can come up too.
Ian Kerner, a therapist and sex and relationship specialist, says it can be hard for couples with large age gaps to integrate family and friends into each other's lives. It also can be hard to find common interests and activities.
To combat this, Kerner says it's essential to find things both people enjoy doing together.
"When it comes to dating, date within an age range where you feel confident and comfortable," Sassoon previously told USA TODAY, urging singles to find a partner with similar "levels of life experience and intentions of the relationship."
And remember, there are plenty of examples of healthy, thriving relationships with significant age gaps.
"Humans find connection in all sorts of places," says Erik Anderson, a licensed marriage and family therapist. "As long as both parties are able to consent, we shouldn't be so critical of relationships."
Contributing: David Oliver
This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Tobey Maguire, Lily Chee and the truth about age-gap relationships
