10 questions you should really ask your partner before marrying them

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There are a few things you might want to ask someone before you choose to marry them.iStock
  • Before marrying someone, there are some topics you might want to discuss.

  • Ask your partner how much debt they have and if (and when) they want kids.

  • It's also wise to ask about your partner's previous encounters with the law and their sex drive.

Whether you're dreaming of getting engaged or have already picked out the floral arrangements for your wedding, the prospect of marriage can leave many people in a happy daze.

But regardless of how long you've been with your partner, there could be a few things worth discussing before you exchange vows.

Here are a few questions you may want to ask your partner before marrying them.

How do you solve problems?

Two friend sitting at a coffee shop petting a dog.
You may want to figure out your partner's style of problem-solving before committing to a lifetime together.urbazon/Getty Images

By the time you're considering settling down with someone, you probably know how good they are at solving the kinds of problems you might face as a couple. But, it could be worth having a candid conversation about how your problem-solving abilities work together.

Peter Pearson, couples therapist and cofounder of the Couples Institute, previously told Business Insider that knowing how your partner deals with life's hurdles is important.

Pearson suggested asking yourself and your partner, "Does each person think the other is bright? Are you good at solving problems together?"

Does your partner tackle problems head-on? Or do they rely on others to solve their problems for them?

What kind of debt do you have?

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Any debt you create on joint accounts after you tie the knot will be both partners' legal responsibility.Crystal Cox/Business Insider

It may not be romantic, but getting a clear picture of your partner's financial situation can help you avoid some money-related surprises down the road.

Does your partner have a lot of student loan debt? Do they have dozens of unpaid credit card bills? How far along are they in paying off their mortgage or car loan?

Even if they seem to have their finances together, debt is fairly common and is worth discussing.

In most cases, you are not liable for debt your partner has accrued before your marriage. But as Yahoo Finance pointed out, any debt you create on joint accounts after you tie the knot will be both partners' legal responsibility.

If you and your partner are looking to make any major purchases or investments as a married couple, pre-existing debt could limit your financial flexibility.

Who do you think should be responsible for keeping the house clean?

It's important for you to decide how you're going to share chores and household responsibilities.mmphotographie.de/Shutterstock

Division of labor can make or break a relationship.

You might not mind picking up after your partner now, but how household chores are shared is very important for the survival of a marriage.

Before getting married, ask your partner about their attitude about divvying up work around the house — you'll probably want to discuss how you'd both like to share basic household responsibilities.

Do you want kids? If so, when?

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This is something that many people won't compromise on.highmagazin/Getty Images

Knowing if your partner wants to have children is important when thinking about the future — especially since it's potentially a relationship-ending issue.

"Most things in relationships you can make a compromise around, but this isn't one of them," relationship export Jenny Douglas told HuffPost Australia in 2017. "If you are firmly in the position that you don't want to have children or don't see yourself as being a parent, that's something that can be irreconcilable."

If you've established that you both want to have kids, it's also important to figure out your partner's timeline for making that happen.

If you want to put off procreation for another decade but your partner is already buying baby clothes, that could be an issue.

How much would you be willing to spend on big-ticket items like a mattress or a car?

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Are your spending habits compatible?Ground Picture/Shutterstock

If you're not yet married, you and your partner might make most of your own money decisions.

Depending on your post-financial nuptial arrangements, however, it may be important to know how much cash your partner is willing to drop on big-ticket items.

If you think spending $60,000 on a car is reasonable but your partner wouldn't consider parting with more than $10,000, you may have misaligned visions for your future lifestyles — and financial disagreements can be difficult to manage in a relationship.



Can you stick to a budget or do you oftentimes spend more than you intended to?

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It's important to discuss how you both like to spend and budget money.Shutterstock

It's important to be on the same page when it comes to things like budgeting, spending, and saving money. Otherwise, your relationship might suffer.

Without nipping this in the bud, couples might run into issues with overspending, lying, and hiding finances.

Keep an eye on your partner's behavior around money and how compatible it is with your own. If their struggle to stick to a budget is difficult for you to handle now, it could lead to trouble down the road.

How important is sex to you?

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It could be useful to talk about your sex drives.Crystal Cox/Business Insider

Plenty of couples will experience a situation where one partner has a higher or lower sex drive than the other.

Although this is normal, it's a good idea to talk about your partner's feelings about sex before the wedding.

What kind of frequency would your partner prefer when it comes to sex? How would both of you cope with a situation where sex was temporarily or permanently impossible? Most importantly, is your partner comfortable discussing your sex life candidly and openly?

Have you ever been arrested or faced any legal trouble?

Couple with their back to camera watching the sunset as they hold each other
It can be useful to know if it will be harder for you to take out a loan in the future.Maridav/Shutterstock

Even if you know your partner well, it is possible that they have had past legal problems that you may not be aware of.

Your partner's former custody disputes, shoplifting charges, tax evasion, lawsuits, and DUIs are all situations that could have an impact on your joint ability to do a variety of things, from taking out a loan to applying for residency in a gated community.

On the bright side, some research has suggested that getting married might help people stay on the right side of the law.

How do you feel about divorce?

A closeup of two couples' hands exchanging wedding rings.
Divorce is a reality many couples face.Anna Blazhuk

Divorce is a reality that some couples may eventually face, and it's important to know how your partner feels when it comes to the sensitive and difficult topic of ending a marriage.

Do they have religious beliefs that inform their opinion of divorce? Did your partner's parents have a rock-solid marriage or a nasty split? Are they prepared to discuss the possibility of a prenuptial agreement?

It's a good idea to check in with your partner's feelings about divorce before getting married, even if it's not the most romantic pre-wedding discussion.

How much alone time do you need to be happy?

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It's OK to want to be alone sometimes.Cavan Images/Getty Images

You may want to have an honest conversation about how you each value alone time and couple time before tying the knot.

Some people thrive on constant contact with their spouse and others need a bit more freedom to pursue independent hobbies or time with friends.

Understanding each other's needs for solo and couple time can help avoid some arguments after the honeymoon.

This story was originally published on November 29, 2018, and most recently updated on March 28, 2024

Read the original article on Business Insider