27 Tweets About Kids Who Are Going To Go *Really* Far In Life
Kids will occasionally come out with something incredibly profound, wise or just very adult, leaving their parents dumfounded and proud in equal measure.
From the six-year-old who isn’t a tough cookie because “cookies crumble” to the five-year-old who will ensure all girls’ trousers have pockets when she runs for president of the US, here are some of the best tweets from parents celebrating the startling wit, wisdom and sass of the littlest generation.
1.
Asked my 6yo if she was a tough cookie and she said “no, because cookies crumble” and now I have a life coach.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) December 6, 2021
2.
My 3yo said she wanted to be an astronaut, and I said she had to study hard, go to college, learn a lot of science, and take a physical fitness test, and she shrugged and said, "That's just 4 things." So she's basically a nonchalant motivational speaker.
— Jen Dziura (@jendziura) February 15, 2018
3.
My 4yo pretended she was a hired cleaner yesterday as. As she helped me clean she asked if I had any kids. After telling her about my 2 I asked if she had any of her own. Turns out she has 5 kids and has been married to a man named Carlin for 30 years. You think you know someone.
— Mummy Dear (@ThatMummyLife) November 14, 2022
4.
My 6yo looked me straight in the eye as she opened a bag of Doritos and said, "Well the bag was already open so somebody 𝘩𝘢𝘴 to eat them."
She's my life coach now.— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) December 26, 2022
5.
[everyone is eating dinner]
4yo: when I eat french fries warmth floods my body and contentment enters my heart
[everyone stops chewing]
7yo: …WHAT— Kathryn VanArendonk (@kvanaren) March 3, 2022
6.
My toddler was babbling a mile a minute first thing this morning and my 4yo said, ‘I’m going to need pancakes if I’m going to listen to you,’ so he’s my stress management coach now.
— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) March 29, 2023
7.
Asked my 5yo if she wanted a pic with Santa. She laughed and said she is not into pics with “random dudes.”
Boundaries.— Megan Gaucher (@GaucherMeg) December 11, 2021
8.
My 4yo just said “you can buy whatever you want and you don’t even have to tell anyone” and so he’s my life coach now.
— Be Kind Of Witty (@bekindofwitty) October 11, 2022
9.
Whenever I have a dispute with my 5yo he points at this drawing over my desk and says, ‘Who made that for you?’ to remind me he can take it away at any time. pic.twitter.com/H6hmPsJbqw
— Luke Kennard (@LukeKennard) August 4, 2020
10.
My 5yo daughter has announced that she will run for president when she turns 35. Her platform is (1) make arcade claw machines more fair and (2) all girls' pants will have pockets.
— Matthew Kim (@MatthewHKim) January 25, 2023
11.
husband: have you seen my jeans?
5yo: have you tried the big closet where all the clothes are?
me: *sheds a single tear of pride*— meghan (@deloisivete) April 26, 2023
12.
Pediatrician : Do you have a sore throat?
My 5yo : I don't know. I'm not inside my body, I am my body.
Me: *jaw dropping*— Chiara Russo Krauss 🇪🇺🇮🇹 (@russokrauss) May 15, 2023
13.
My 5yo just climbed on my lap and said, “Momma, what if we’re all toys and there are invisible people playing with us?” 💀
— Amy S. Choi ⁷ (@awesomechoi) December 6, 2020
14.
My 6yo just saw how many emails I have to do something about. He suggested just replying to all of them with 'go away, never contact me again'. He's available for all of your business/PA needs.
— Alice JB (@DrAliceJones) April 14, 2020
15.
Really profound conversation with my 6yo today:
6yo: Is a squillion a real number?
Me: No.
Him: But you can always add a zero so eventually they'll have to use all the words
🤯— Noel (@noelmarkham) June 28, 2021
16.
My 6yo, about to leave for his first day of 1st grade: “I’m not all the way brave, but I’m brave enough.”
— Allison (@KickinItPerSe) August 19, 2019
17.
My 6yo would like a second bath towel so he doesn't, and I quote, "get butt on my face."
— Xennaissance Dad (@XennDad) March 23, 2022
18.
My 6yo hacker daughter has discovered that she can use her Google mini to control her brother's Google mini in his room.
I just had to scold her for messing with him by remotely playing random music that he hates, just to troll him
I'm not ready for this.— Accidental CISO (@AccidentalCISO) January 3, 2020
19.
We fixed the 7yo’s label maker and I just found this on my desk pic.twitter.com/TudvotrWOj
— Kahnstantine (@KindBounce) January 25, 2023
20.
I folded a slice of pizza in half and ate it and my 7yo said “mommy only ate half a piece of pizza” and with those math skills she will always be my favourite child
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) November 19, 2022
21.
Last night I watched Sleeping Beauty with my 8yo boy.
8yo: omg he just kissed her!
Me: yeah to wake her up
8yo: you can’t just kiss people you have to ask first. #myjobhereisdone— Pam Pho (@NerdyPam) May 19, 2018
22.
Points for creativity to my 7yo who got caught sneaking cookies and tried to convince me she was sleepwalking, at 3pm.
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) November 23, 2022
23.
A small moment of niceness to start the week: I lost the part of the tape dispenser that holds the roll in place. After I explained what it looked like to the 8yo, he helped me build a replacement out of Legos! pic.twitter.com/4rm7KMTfJP
— Celeste Ng (@pronounced_ing) September 9, 2019
24.
My 8yo has discovered Google Docs, and now instead of playing video games she is obsessed with word-processing and experimenting with different templates and making things like a resumé for our dog. pic.twitter.com/A63NYXi1tH
— Robert McNees (@mcnees@mastodon.social) (@mcnees) November 20, 2020
25.
Me: How was your day?
8yo: I just worry they are doing it wrong.
Me: Doing what wrong?
8yo: They separate everything so we can’t understand anything. Who says music isn’t really math or math isn’t science really? Someone made categories but the world is a mushier than that.— RanaAwdishMD (@RanaAwdish) September 20, 2019
26.
The 9yo had to build a scale model of Stonehenge for her school project.
They did not specify the exact building material to be used. pic.twitter.com/S3TG8yWR6t— Beau (@DrBeauBeaumont) October 11, 2022
27.
My 9yo son took my iphone and in <5 min sent high rez close up shots of my dog's clenched sphincter to the following: my mom, my biz partner, wife, guy I went to grad school with in 2000, HSBC, my accountant, San Diego Blood Bank, and Shake Shack's text bot.
— Drew Sanocki (@drewsanocki) July 21, 2022
