31 Dad Jokes That Will Make You Roll Your Eyes Immediately

Dad jokes will either leave your sides splitting or your eyes rolling. There's just something about a well-executed pun that cracks me up. The r/DadJokes subreddit is a gold mine of puns and cringe that always have me chuckling. Here are some of the very best dad jokes Redditors had to offer that are glorified "knee-slappers":

1."It was so cold yesterday my computer froze. It was my own fault though, I left too many windows open."

—TheQuietKid22

2."All I asked my son to do was to not use my whistle. But he blew it."

—God-2008

3."What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing, they fast."

—thumbsup_baby

4."My friend claims he glued himself to his autobiography. I don't believe him, but that's his story and he's sticking to it."

—God-2008

5."A history degree is useless. There's no future in it."

—God-2008

6."A guy went to a costume party carrying a woman on his back. The doorman asks, 'What are you supposed to be?' The guy replies, 'A turtle.' The doorman asks, “What’s on your back?' The guy says, 'That's Michelle.'"

—OctoberFire1

7."It's not just cell phones that distract drivers, today there was a rug-maker commuting in rush hour. He was weaving in traffic."

—sulldanivan

8."I just learned how the pawn moves in chess. It's pretty straightforward."

—CanadianBallMapper

9."Did you know that Sylvester Stallone is on his third marriage? His first was rocky. His second was rocky, too!"

—berkleysquare

10."You should stay away from left-handed people. Something's not right about them."

—phillip_1

11."Once upon a time, there was a king that was only 12 inches tall. He was a terrible leader, but he made a great ruler."

—saltedpork89

12."My wife tells me I have no sense of direction. I have no idea where that came from."

—AaronTheElite007

13."I tried doing 100 sit-ups but I didn't finish. My stomach couldn't handle that kind of ab use."

—Masselein

14."Did you hear about the local bakery that burned down? Their business is toast."

—EndersGame_Reviewer

15."Just got a pet termite called Clint—Clint Eats Wood."

—Personal-Tea7226

16."Don't you want help putting on your tuxedo? Okay, suit yourself."

—Egheaumaen

17."Did you hear about the poor guy who lost his entire left side in an accident? He's all right now."

—ni-wom

18."What size of clothes is there always leftovers of? XS."

—zerf33389

19."My three year old was putting stickers on my Rolex. I said, 'not on my watch!'"

—ariromano

20."What do you get if you put a duck in a cement mixer? Quacks in the pavement."

—binary_world

21."Did you hear about the guy who got divorced and remarried?It was a wife-changing experience."

—campmonster

22."The Himalayan Sasquatch is often misidentified. Yeti carries on."

—mal221

23."Someone came into my house and stole my fruits. I'm peachless."

—1378ono

24."Why is it spelled 'camouflage' and not ."

—djeclipz

25."What country's capital is growing the fastest? Ireland. Every day it's Dublin."

—naveird

26."My kids just told me that I own every board game except one. I had no Clue."

—EndersGame_Reviewer

27."My local barber was arrested yesterday for selling drugs. I've been his customer for years. Didn't even know he was a barber!"

—binary_world

28."Two men walk in to a bar. The first man says, 'I’ll have some H2O.' The second man says, 'I'll have some H2O, too.' The second man dies."

—casualiandie

29."Why did the scarecrow get a promotion? He was out standing in his field."

—Shot_Occasion4294

30."Why did the melons get married in a church? Because they cantaloupe!"

—Tomorrowisforlovers

31."What do you get when you cross a rhetorical question with a dad joke?"

—Some_dude764

HT: r/dadjokes

Drop your best "dad jokes" in the comments! Just remember to pick them up after.