31 Tweets By Women From The Past Week That Made Me Laugh So Hard, I Choked On My Spit A Little
Summer is on its way, and you know what that means: It's almost time to become one with the cicadas!!!
i'm gonna join the cicadas this summer and scream
— erika (@yeeeerika) May 1, 2024
Make sure you follow these funny ladies on X (formerly Twitter)!
1.
me waiting on an email: what the hell is taking so long, this is ridiculousme, sending an email: this can probably wait another three weeks or so
— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) May 1, 2024
2.
people don’t tip toe through the tulips like they used to.
— nay (dino) 🖤 (@Lilblack_heart) May 1, 2024
3.
im not sure how many more “everything happens for a reason”moments i have left in me
— maddy (@maddyismad4) May 1, 2024
4.
People that back into parking spaces do you know we all hate you?
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) May 1, 2024
5.
why must i feel everything so deeply! can i live!
— kenn✮ (@kkennnedi) April 29, 2024
6.
'You're toast' is such an odd threat. I can't remember a day where I *wouldn't prefer* to be a slice of warm, fancy, farmer's market sourdough shimmering with salted butter and local honey.
— CynicalTherapist (@CynicalTherapi1) April 30, 2024
7.
Who called it meal planning and not food forethought
— Stone Cold Jane Austen (@AbbyHiggs) April 30, 2024
8.
men used to build houses now they text you "hiiii"
— carl marks (@lethalrejection) April 30, 2024
9.
There’s a real lack of gargoyles on buildings here. Let’s bring that back.
— rae (@raewolff_) May 1, 2024
10.
unfortunately i do feel guilty over everything for no reason
— ف (@4RlDA) April 29, 2024
11.
rewatching my comfort show is not enough i need to live in its universe
— hana (@belhanawelshefa) April 29, 2024
12.
Taylor Swift writes a 31 song album and I’m struggling to reply to an email at work for something I’m a subject matter expert on.
— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) April 29, 2024
13.
pretty impressed by how easily I can talk myself into having a little treat and taking a little nap
— Lionella ❤️ (@x_zaich) April 29, 2024
14.
taylor swift should write a song about someone heating up fish in the microwave at work.
— kim (@KimmyMonte) April 30, 2024
15.
can’t tell if im having a manic episode or if i really should learn to play the banjo
— andie 2, revenge of the andie (@the_worst_vibes) April 30, 2024
16.
You wouldn't last an hour in the asylum where I raised myself
— Natalie Would (@_NatalieWould) April 30, 2024
17.
the sluttiest thing a man can have is pretty brown eyes especially when the sun hits them and they turn honey gold
— gen🥂 (@genmxn) April 29, 2024
18.
i hate being projected upon. like i’m so sweet and cute, how could you use me as a punching bag for your trauma and insecurities. how.
— gaia (@gaialect) April 30, 2024
19.
hot girl summer is out i need to abuse substances this summer
— b (@breolinger) April 30, 2024
20.
Continually blown away by how hard some people will rage for the machine
— Amy A (@lolennui) May 1, 2024
21.
I bet rebooting feels so good to a computer
— Kat (@ollkorrect0) April 30, 2024
22.
I'm going to take my emotional support ibuprofen now.
— Redheads have more fun (@Nicebutcrazyred) April 30, 2024
23.
Seeing a man’s handwriting and asking him if he knows that letters aren’t supposed to look like that
— Keara Sullivan (@superkeara) May 1, 2024
24.
lost another friend today to half marathon training
— alli (@sonofalli) April 29, 2024
25.
going to TJ Maxx. does anyone need any new clothes and/or gourmet pasta shells?
— regular david (@OrdinaryAlso) April 30, 2024
26.
when ur having an “i need my older sister” moment but you are the older sister
— jana (@janaadiaa) April 30, 2024
27.
she's a 10 but she needs you to tell her how obsessed you are w her at least once a day (im she)
— nora 🌸 (@vxsjmz) April 30, 2024
28.
So this just happened:My doorbell rang. I opened the door to find one of the men (half my age) who delivered my furniture last week standing there saying, "I stopped to say hello & tell you how beautiful you are."Next time I buy furniture I'm requesting it be delivered by bears
— Dr. Jennifer Roberts (@FoucaultFanatic) May 1, 2024
29.
My husband isn’t allowed to go to bed without doing his reading (watching the 25 tiktoks I sent him while I watch him watch them)
— Brittany Van Horne (@_brittanyv) April 28, 2024
30.
i am like the opposite of artificial intelligence. genuine stupidity.
— smokeyhouse (@surajdukhii) April 30, 2024
31.
i’m just a sensitive lover unlearning trauma a S.L.U.T. if you will
— Kat 𓍊☽◯☾𓋼𓍊𓆏 (@kittysostoned) April 29, 2024
