35 Straight-Up Hilarious Tweets From The Week Because You Deserve A Little Treat
There's nothing quite like a quick, funny little quip, which is why, every week, I round up allll the funny tweets from the week.
This week was no exception to funny little quips, so let's get right into 'em:
1.
sometimes when I don’t want to pay the $100 therapy copay I go to my friend’s house and talk extra loud until her husband who’s working on his psych PhD goes “do you mind if I say something”
— faith (@faithnation) May 15, 2024
2.
I asked my 8yo if he liked my sleeveless blouse, he said "the color's fine, but I don't like public armpits" 😭 Public. Armpits. It's going straight to Goodwill
— sarah (@sarahradz_) May 13, 2024
3.
I’m convinced they sold these pre-dusty cause I ain’t never seen a clean one https://t.co/L47xo6B4S2
— Austine (@theereal_one) May 13, 2024
4.
uber driver is making small talk with me and asks me what i do, so i said i study philosophy, and he immediately says “oh nice man you hear it was Kant’s 300th birthday a few weeks ago? i bet you people went wild for that”
— sam filby (@two_standpoints) May 14, 2024
5.
Went to Dunkin in Europe and they had this warning at the counter pic.twitter.com/5x0PZLBVt6
— rosey🌹 (@thechosenberg) May 13, 2024
6.
It’s so funny to me the president of France’s last name is Macron it’s like if we had a President named President Choclate Chip Cookie
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) May 14, 2024
7.
Nice tabs you got open on your browser that you're screen sharing brother, hope you dont mind if I scrutinise them all and make sweeping judgements about your personality based on what I am seeing
— Mike Townsend (@townsendyesmate) May 14, 2024
8.
no presidential debates just this and a stopwatch pic.twitter.com/Ez5l04I6IF
— faith (@faithnation) May 16, 2024
The Fun Ones / Via thefunones.com
9.
my client threw up during her wax and i handled it so unprofessionally i literally screamed and ran
— mr. bitches (retired) (@discobxtchh) May 15, 2024
10.
I miss codependent friendships like who wants to hang out for 66 days straight
— 𝐇★𝐓𝐆𝐈𝐑𝐋👅 (@mainbitchclique) May 16, 2024
11.
When someone is like ugh sorry my hair is greasy it’s like seriously thanks for apologizing. We were all thinking about it and it’s actually making me sick
— mike (@mikeofficial) May 16, 2024
12.
quitting a bad job isn’t enough i need them to go out of business after i leave
— tony soprano (@tuckfwelvey) May 16, 2024
13.
you have NO idea what i've been through. my parents are NOT divorced https://t.co/DPpPD8HPcQ
— kev (@MarxAfterDark) May 15, 2024
14.
Thinking about how my family passed down alcoholism instead of generational wealth pic.twitter.com/ZmRz0MYnpZ
— Invis🧜♀️ (@invis4yo) May 17, 2024
Quincy Jones Productions / Via youtube.com
15.
Hate when you send a work email and feel relived to put the ball in someone else’s court but then they write back like 10 minutes later and you’re like GODDAMMIT
— SpacedMom (@copymama) May 16, 2024
16.
"urgent care" is such a terrible name for them because it's neither urgent nor do they actually care
— j4k3 (@lordsteele) May 16, 2024
17.
Doing dishes at my mom & my stepdad’s … they met online 😭😭😭😭😭 pic.twitter.com/9f7Q5bOIhs
— a (@TWlTTERHAVER) May 15, 2024
18.
not the flowers pic.twitter.com/m56mhysWeE
— CM (@conormurrayTM) May 16, 2024
19.
Im not going to lie. iCarly was right, live life, breathe air, i know somehow we’re gonna get there
— the guy with the green hair (@AlexJayeSINGER) May 16, 2024
20.
real all-timer this morning pic.twitter.com/r8af3WFrq5
— CLAUDIA MORALES (@CLAUDIAPOSTING) May 17, 2024
21.
I’ll never forget this call I got when I worked at a bank this lady called in as the authorized user on her husband’s credit card…. BABY when she asked me what grindr was????!!… one of my lungs collapsed i took the longest pause she thought I hung up..
— Satan’s Niece (@thekrissychula) May 18, 2024
22.
For clarification: I’m in the wedding industry and own a bridal salon/sell wedding dresses. He was not trying to court these women😂🫶🏼
— certified lover girl (@jchick_11) May 18, 2024
23.
reprimanded for taking my laptop out at TSA as if they did not just spend twenty years reprimanding me for not taking my laptop out
— Jamie Lauren Keiles (@jamiekeiles) May 17, 2024
24.
Seriously what on earth the chances that the fastest man of all time naturally had the surname “Bolt” like he was the first ever industry plant
— 👾 (@dreezabz) May 17, 2024
25.
I'm not arguing with fast eaters anymore, you get the bowl https://t.co/9f2rwhirgi pic.twitter.com/DtxDt0lvRi
— K-Pg chicken (@sadtheropod) May 18, 2024
Amazon / Via amazon.com
26.
fast eaters then wondering why they get bad tummy aches and are bloated like they didn't just suck up their food like an industrial vacuum cleaner https://t.co/XqpPaUzhYa
— 🦇Count Craigula🍉 (@metal_friendz) May 18, 2024
27.
Felt like being a little mischievous today pic.twitter.com/XXIDG2Xr7B
— Jab (@jab50yen) May 16, 2024
28.
Happy 3 year anniversary to the time that I was standing in front of the castle in Magic Kingdom and I got the call from my gyno that I had chlamydia and had to go pick up my meds from the DISNEY PHARMACY and my mom called it the “clappiest place on earth”
— maybe: clare (@clur19) May 18, 2024
29.
I love when british people call a flashlight a torch like we get it you went through the middle ages
— H.A. (@dirtcup_art) May 16, 2024
30.
bro took out a 2nd mortgage to pay for this meal https://t.co/BxtTO85oY4
— Pookie (@PookiesParadise) May 19, 2024
31.
Pizza Hut hired me on the spot because of my condition pic.twitter.com/uF4zSw5H9h
— Bad Priestess (@JColander52271) May 18, 2024
32.
Looks like the guy from ratatouille chatting up an orangutan https://t.co/Z08zlu39QK
— gr☆cie (@hugetulip) May 18, 2024
33.
How websites feel making you click “No thanks, I don’t like free stuff!” on a pop-up pic.twitter.com/tNsIa9x1Lp
— wuf •̀⩊•́ (@bong_rot) May 16, 2024
34.
last night i was drinking a non-alcoholic beer and the baby wanted to try it so i let her and she loved it and kept going back for more which would normally be fine but we were at a brewery so the optics were kinda like, not great
— rat liker (@rat_liker) May 18, 2024
And lastly:
35.
that one baby going to the Four Seasons Orlando: https://t.co/3OBjZxAmnM
— Tess Garcia (@HiThisIsTess) May 19, 2024
That's a wrap for this week! Don't forget to shoot these creators a follow if they made ya laugh. And for more funny tweets, check out our most recent roundups:
33 Hilarious Tweets From The Week Because You Deserve To Have A Little Laugh
