4 lessons women learn from being single later in life
Being suddenly single can come as a devastating shock for many women, but a separation, divorce, or death of a partner can also be a catalyst for taking the reins of one's life, according to author and former stockbroker Victoria Ryce.
Ryce was widowed at age 50, after her husband's thirteen-month battle with cancer.
Now, she's co-author of a new book, CEO of Everything: Flying Solo and Soaring, with financial writer and television personality Gail Vaz-Oxlade.
She shares four lessons women learn when flying solo, despite how scary and impossible it can seem.
1. Everything is your decision
The idea of singledom as a catalyst for responsibility was what sparked the title CEO of Everything, according to Ryce. A death or divorce "may be the first time [some women are] looking at a tax-free savings account, or doing the taxes, or other items related to finance," she said.
Or the challenges could me more hands-on — like cooking, taking a chainsaw to the tree that fell in the front yard, or using the snowblower. What's important to realize, Ryce said, is that learning new skills is healthy and empowering.
"Through practice, you become good at making decisions," she said. "You see how the pieces work together, and become better as a person who is able to direct their own life."
2. Connecting gets easier
Re-entering the dating game might seem impossible now, but it (probably) won't stay that way forever. When you are ready, your time as a single person will boost your abilities as a partner.
The steep learning curve associated with being single later in life, Ryce said, means you have to be extra-competent. As a result, those who have lost a mate are "better partners: they know how to look at the big picture, make decisions, weigh the choices," she said.
"They are much clearer about what brings them joy and happiness."
3. Everyone needs to adjust
Your newly single status takes getting used to for friends, children and family — not just you. As a result, some relationships may change.
"People like routine," Ryce said. "When you become uncoupled, all of the pieces of your life shift, and some people don't know what to do when you normally had four of you playing cards, and there are only three of you now. Other friends aren't sure whether they can talk about your former partner when they invite you to dinner.
"There is a huge shift for everybody when this happens," she said. It's important to be patient when "everyone is finding their way."
4. You can make your own happiness
"Even if you chose the separation," Ryce said, being newly single can be a time of mourning.
Take stock of the people, places, and things that bring you joy — that don't hinge on the involvement of a partner who is no longer around.
"You need to ask, 'where am I going to get my happiness and my joy?'" Ryce said. "You can be determined to be joyful. It's that shift that makes all the difference."
